ocgal Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I filled for divorce last April and it's still not final. This Jan. marks one year that he moved out on his own will. After the Christmas holidays, he started being a little more nice and saying how much he misses me and loves me, which I do not believe. His motives are always for his self purposes (always has been) Before Christmas, we could not talk, text or even have a decent conversation without getting into an argument because he wouldn't be civil with me. I'm wondering is this a phase people go through? Also he wanted to have sex with me in which is NOT a good idea given the reasons why he left plus I've come a long way to get where I am and over him. I'm not confused about my decision but would like to know if this is natural? We were married 15 years. What do you think about Sex with the ex?
trippi1432 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Also he wanted to have sex with me in which is NOT a good idea given the reasons why he left plus I've come a long way to get where I am and over him. I'm not confused about my decision but would like to know if this is natural? We were married 15 years. What do you think about Sex with the ex? Do you recall Chernobyl? The nuclear disaster in Russia....well, sleeping with the ex after you have gotten so far to your own healing and he has offered really nada from your post except for a couple of weeks of "pleasantry's".....think Chernobyl. Why? Because that is where everything you have worked on will blow sky high and affect you for years to come. 2
carhill Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 If sex is like a bodily function for him, kinda like urinating, then he'll want to have sex with an available female when he feels the urge. Since he knew you and had sex with you, you're an easier target than some stranger. It's easier to push your buttons. Pure pragmatism. The words are social Astroglide. Another potential is psychological styles on both sides which divorce sex from the dynamics of a healthy relationship. If your M included a lot of drama, infidelity, abuse, etc, and you and he still had passionate sex during those episodes, you and/or he demonstrated the ability and psychology to compartmentalize the sex away from any unhealthiness in the marriage. If so, that could easily continue now and even after divorced. People who do this can 'forget' all the bad stuff and focus on the sex. Myself, I can't imagine having sexual relations with someone I despised enough to divorce. It would be physically revolting. Other people are different. Welcome to LS
Mystery2Me Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Hi Ocgal, Sorry you are dealing with divorce and all the issues that accompany it. Like you, I am divorcing after 15 yrs and husband left last April. Personally the thrill is GONE!! I will not have sex with STBXH due to his the selfish and cruel way he has treated me with absolutely no regard. In my situation the STBXH has never once even just checked to see if I was alive or dead (we have no children), or bothered to inquire about our dog....which he spoiled. Of course publicly he tells everyone how much he cares for me! You are way ahead of me in the struggle to heal and regain yourself, please do not abandon your hard earned majesty for someone who can not fully appreciate the painful cost you paid. Loneliness and loss of shared intimacy are things I've recently began to struggle with, regardless when he walked out on faithful wife of 15 yrs the bridge is burnt. Finally, for you karma has given you an excellent opportunity to reject him and empower yourself to boot!! May I say for me...it felt soooo good to teach this lesson...even BETTER than sex!! 2
portableversion Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 in my situation, my ex-wife threw me out or i moved out june 2nd an dthe divorce was finalized aug 7th. shes a lawyer and typed up all the stuff and had me sign stuff saying i was out of the house for 6 months. She has seduced me twice since the divorce, though it was mostly one sided she had me please her, the 2nd time she did give back some. It was wierd because less than a month after that she went to go shag her boyfrind in alaska. I say it messed with my mind. i didnt want the divorce and she still messing with my head. Today i sent her a letter explaining she needs to stop coming over to my place unannounced. She needs to get my permission, or she can come over if she wants to get serious about rebuilding our relationship. i would advise against it, id tell your man that you guys need to rebuild first, and take it slow. but then this is something i had told my ex and i think it drove her nuts and inspired her to go after me. im curious to see what will happen in the future butthead is back in alaska and shes gonna be lonely. i told her ill chain my door if she comes over here unannounced. this stuff is just mind boggling hang in there.
revitup Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 STBXWW has been gone for 5 months or so and I did fall for the seduction about two months into the thing.STBXWW came to get her belongings (some of them) and seduced me.I really didn't enjoy it though. Now I know she was doing another dude or two then!I suspected it but now it makes my stomach queasy. She wanted me to have dinner and a movie and spend the night in Dec when I was to pick up our DD14.I declined,over and over she pressed for me to stay the night in the weeks leading up to the Christmas Break for my DD14.I seemed to know that it would be bad for me to relent.Boy am I glad now that I didn't touch that stuff. I will say that,sort of like Mystery2Me says ,some things are "better than sex".I believe turning her controlling rear end down for sex was actually better than the sex I used to have with her! On a side note,I believe there is nothing to be gained by having sex with someone you have no attraction and long term desire to be around.That would have just made me go backwards in this journey,I will never see the STBXWW as I once did.I loved her for her,not her sex.Once that was gone,I had no desire to even see her face. The next lady to enjoy my talents will have to be an intellectually stimulating and goodhearted girl.She will get everything I can give and I will appreciate everything she does for me.Sex will be better because I will have to truly love her to even consider the sex.
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