nothuman Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 We are each others first loves. If we were in the same city for prolonged periods of time we would be attached by the hip as we used to be. Unfortunately, distance is now an issue. We see each other on breaks now and act as if together. So intimate, loving, caring, etc. Then he leaves for school and it's constantly stripped of me. I heal, he comes back, I get sucked in again then he is gone and continues his life with distractions while mine is in limbo. The issue is we have slept with other people on our breaks. But I cannot do it anymore, I know he had sex with a specific girl more than once while he was away at school. I slept with people too but honestly, (my mistakes) it was in spite of him because I was so pained. He wants to remain in touch because he has such strong feelings but I cannot do this. The heart conveniently placed in each other but his body in some other girl. It destroys my insides and I have told him it is better that this discontinues so I have cut him out of my life which is very painful for both. Protecting myself is essential because my life has spiraled downwards because of this boy. Both 21. There is so much more to this I'd like to say but I think I will add more as responses (hopefully!) are given. He has texted me four times since he left for school, pictures of us, and saying "i'm lonely" aka missing me. We ended on not bad terms but I need to do this no contact. I do go in and out though and feel rude about it sometimes. Maybe it is my paranoid nature but I literally can't be there for him whenever he wants while he has the luxury of also partying hard and being with other girls. I cannot do it. Maybe if I was at college too living in a house with all my friends, parties, etc it would be different. But this is just too much. My life has been ruined I am really trying to heal. In contact with him and I am unhappy because I can't shake the thoughts of others, and out of contact is still horrendous. HELP! Thanks guys
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Stop talking to him. Clearly, all your sources of continued pain are in-due to that. But really, you both have played stray, and ruined the world that is your relationship. No one can say they have someone's heart, when it's off playing around. Same to you. Distance is no excuse. If you couldn't handle it,break-up sooner. But the thing to do is end all contact. You cannot handle this no more, and you want to heal. Hopefully you do. And affairs are no longer in the picture, as they aren't mistakes. 1
user6667 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I'm gonna have to agree with Todd here. If a solution is what you want, you're basically saying it yourself: you can't do this anymore. I totally get how this is emotionally exhausting. The first thing I noticed about your post nothuman, is your excellent mastery of the english language. You describe your feelings and the situation so very vividly. Honestly it almost reads like a novel, if I may be so quirky to say so. I'm gonna go out on a limp and guess that you are a very smart and sensitive young lady who is getting herself a great education. What I'm getting at is that you're a great catch and he's crazy for not seeing it. Hope your heart will heal and you find someone who sees your true worth!
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