stevie_23 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I’m noticing a lot of threads entitled “NC with ex” or “Attempting to go NC” etc… I’m just curious…what do all of you mean by NC? I of course know this means no contact, but are you referring to the fact you broke up with your ex and told them of your intentions and reasons, and THEN you go NC? Despite their possible attempts to contact you for whatever reason? How do you feel going NC helps you? Do you think it’d be too hard to maintain any contact and still maintain your resolve to end the relationship? Or do you just have no interest at all in your ex anymore and can’t be bothered giving the energy to talking to them? If you did explain to them your reasons for ending the relationship, and then went NC, I can respect that and I would feel like I had done all I should have in terms of giving my ex dignity and respect at the relationship’s completion. However, if had NOT told them properly or adequately or at ALL what I was doing (leaving them), and then went NC? I would feel heartless. And this is what my ex did to me. So this is why I’m curious about all of you who strive for NC.
LostOne1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 NC as I see it.. is just to get away from the person. I mean I know with me and my ex if we talked our emotions were so hot that a fight would occur. I think that's why she said she's happy leaving me and not hearing from me. But now with space most of my anger is gone.. once in awhile it comes up. But for the most part all the hate I had is slowly faded away with NC and time away. I never told my ex about me going NC. I just did it recently. Mind you I wish I had done it the day she wanted space. I didn;t and it might have hurt our relationship even more. NC has helped me, because talking to her always opened old wounds. I felt like talking just hurt more. Because the answer was always the same which was she doesn't love me, she doesn't want to be with me, and that she wants to move on with her life. It's touhg to hear that over and over again when you want all of those things to be the opposite. So it's best to get away from it rather than hearing it all over and over again.
na49 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I think that most of us who have gone NC were the ones who were dumped. So our ex pretty much told us that they didn't want to be with us anymore. After realizing our attempts to get them back by begging and pleading were of no use. We give up and give them their wish to have us out of their lives. Sometimes guilt kicks in and they reach out to us while we have gone NC and try to be friends because they feel like they're being the "bigger person". I personally went NC cold turkey. I went NC after me and my ex had a small argument. I told her to stop talking to me about her new guy because I didn't appreciate it. She told me her new friends were better than me. That's the last conversation I had with that witch. Also before blocking her number I told her to leave me alone. NC helps us to move on. It has nothing to do with our exes anymore. Our exes have been done with us. NC helps us to be done with them. Because we don't stay in contact with them, we black them out from our lives. For our own sake knowing what goes on in their life when we aren't a part of it doesn't help us to heal. Knowing what new people they are seeing and how happy they are to have us gone only hurts us. So NC keeps us in the dark and let's us focus on us. I don't really know if I answered your question. but I'm sure someone else can if I didn't. 4
NoMoreJerks Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 OP, usually NC is done more often by dumpees than dumpers. It's a way of getting over the heartbreak of the break-up as soon as possible, and moving on with your life, instead of holding on to false hope.
denxnis Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Quite simple actually, If reconciliation with an ex does not work you implement no contact in-order to move on. If an ex cheats on you, you implement no contact in-order to mend a broken heart and move on. 1
Author stevie_23 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 In my situation, I feel it's a bit different to some other people's experiences... My ex is 61 years old. He is married and lives with his wife and her 2 adult children (which until recently was 3 adult children). He has never been happy living there and while we were together he always planned to leave. He devised various plans, options and put some into action, but they didn't quite work out (for money-related reasons usually). He will not, I think, be finding anyone else to be with after me. He still loves me and considers me his only true wife, but it was too hard to live two lives in the end, he said. He has no interest in his actual wife, so that won't change. I can't see why he'd embark on a new relationship similar to our's if it's too hard. What I COULD potentially see is one day he somehow meets someone in person (not online / long distance, like me), falls in love and this person is available (unlike me) so he makes the leap finally out of his current situation and marriage. But mainly, I think he'll just stay right where he is. Living his life...same as before, but without me. He has said numerous times before that he is only happy when he's with me. That his smiles are only genuine when they're about or with me. I believe him to an extent. He is now choosing to lose that from his life though...so...yeah. So NC for me...is just kind of worse than maintaining some kind of friendship. Though I think in his point of view, he can't be friends without wanting everything, and this is where it gets hard for him again.
Sugarkane Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) I went NC either when I was cruelly dumped and cheated on, despite being faithful and a good gf. I've also gone NC when an ex begged me back only to never meet up with me. Then blamed everything on me and kept sending verbally abusive texts, despite dumping me because he " wanted to be single". Now I don't have either pricks in my life and cut them off completely. And don't have drama or their shyte. Now I'm dating someone else who hopefully doesn't get off on hurting people. Edited January 8, 2013 by Sugarkane
Harradin Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I went NC after my ex left me for my 'friend,' but she kept texting me after the breakup and when I had enough, tried to get her back where she lead me on(held my hands, sat on my lap etc), told me she didn't know whether she made the right decision then she chose the friend. So I did it to heal and to get away from her, so she could realise what she lost as the 'friend' is a manipulating backstabbing nasty piece of work. Haven't heard from her since. It seems to be the best way of getting over a breakup.
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 needed. however, this is true in how many cases? only after a long time, maybe. unless you can face that sick feeling when you don't know what they are doing or to whom; unless you want to be reminded of the rejection all the time; unless you want to keep replaying things in your head; unless you never ever want to be free of them... then NC has to be the only way, surely.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Although, I was the initial Dumper. I did NC. It's really situational. I view NC as a way to end communication that would otherwise be unhealthy. I wouldn't go NC under normal conditions... My ex cheated. Thus, I had to breakup with her. Given her malicious mindset about it all(despite countless chances(, she smiled and kept on. That was an extreme case, and NC was necessary. NC is a way to heal oneself and focus on oneself. To move on, and never return to the former. It doesn't (usually) heal a relationship. 1
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