Crashed Into Ex...

[LostOne1]

Well what can I say..

 

Started at a new school sadly I already knew my ex goes there. But the program I am in is only taught there. Today was the first day of classes, I spent most of my time throughout different buildings trying to get an understanding of the layout and where things are etc..

 

Anyways I was walking down the main office building. I generally have been looking at people and as I was walking I saw a guy sitting and opposite a girl. I could see the back of her head. As I walked by I noticed it was my ex. I think she saw me to she was tlaking to someone probably from her class. It was while she was talking she saw me and turned her head back to him right then and then.

 

I have to say when it first happened I was shocked my heart raced. I didn't expect to see her and it was weird. I have to say without makeup she looks horrible. I mean I have to say for a second I thought she looked really ugly. Her hair was nice as hell, but her face without makeup.. ahhh looked like a witches face.

 

Anyway after I went for a walk again and decided I would come back the other way so I'm walking facing her. There was a security guard near her and so I started chatting wit him just to see if she would look at me. I think she did and I was acting all happy and friendly with the security guard. I guess I just wanted to be sure my ex saw me there.

 

I don't think she expected me there and I guess I just wanted to get inside her head. It's weird the first day of school and I already see her. It didn't hurt at all, I actually went home feeling so relived. But now it's bugging me for some reason.

 

I hate to say it, but it's kinda what I wanted from the start. I wanted her to see me, for her to reach out at some point and know I go there now and to want to work it out. But I know her EGO is very high and she would never stoop down to say sorry or reach out.

 

I guess I expected the chances of me crashing into her was very low. This school has tons and tons of little buildings and sadly she was in the main one just sitting there. I think the first time I saw her she tried to ignore me. I kept staring for a good 5 sec, because I couldn't believe it was her sitting there. The 2nd time I walked by I only made eye contact once to be sure she was watching. And I think she was...

 

I really just wanted to go over and talk and I knew she couldn't say much in front of a classmate to push me away. But then I thought what's the point? I mean I ran for her on the phone, texted her 1st always.. it got me no where.

 

I guess what made me feel better was that for 6 months we haven't seen each other. And when she BU with me on her trip when she got back she said she didn't want to see me. Then she said she did and then she changed her mind and said she's not ready. Well I felt good, because there was NO ready this time because we just had to meet on our way there. I suppose I just wanted to talk, because I wanted to confront her since she never wanted to meet in person to talk and the one time she did.. she flaked out.

 

Anyways just wanted to rant, because I feel weird now. I don't feel pain or happy. I guess I'm in the middle of excited and mad. Well I know I won't see her tmrw my tuesday class is at a different campus. But wednesday maybe.. I don't plan on running into her now. But I guess it shows it can happen if it happens on the first day. Really took me by surprise, I expected I'd crash into her sometime this month or 2 not the very 1st day LOL.

Edited January 8, 2013 by LostOne1

[boblet]

Oh wow I think my heart would jump out my chest if I ran into my ex lol you really didn't feel anything? It didn't bring up old feelings seeing her?

[LostOne1]

Oh wow I think my heart would jump out my chest if I ran into my ex lol you really didn't feel anything? It didn't bring up old feelings seeing her?

I don't know.. I just know my heart raced fast almost like whoaaa and I just walked past her. I was more shocked, because it was so unexpected. I dreamed to see her again, but never though it would happen.. at least not on the 1st day of school..

 

I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to go over and talk. Say something... anything. I just want her to TALK to me for once and in person. But i kept thinking it would be a horrible move to reach out to her since she left me. And since SHE told me to have some self respect and move on and that she doesn't want to be with someone like me.

 

No old feelings came back, but I know I felt good and relieved. I guess I just wanted some eye contact and some reaction. I "think" I got 2 eye contacts in there one each time I saw her. To me it seemed like she kept talking to her friend. It was hard to say if she felt somethin, because I didn;t look at her too much.

 

I mean what's there to feel now? I was HOPING if I ever crashed into her.. that SHE! would feel something all the old feelings would come back. That everything she has been suppressing would open up again.

 

I guess in some ways I wanted her to see this as a SIGN that it's not over yet for us. I mean what are the chances I get into the same school as her, that I meet her on the 1st day. I guess I wanted her to go home after and think why is here here? what program is he taking? etc.. and I wanted her feelings to open up again.

 

I think deep down I really believe she has feelings for me. She once told me in a long email when we first were meeting, that her last relationship the guy didn't love her but they still dated. THen she was heartbroken and never talked to him again. Then after a few months he would harass her non stop asking for her to take him back.

 

Though in this problems it's backwards. SHE left ME instead of her being dumped. But I know a few months after our BU she said yeah feelings don't go away. So I know even though it's been 2 months NC and 6 months BU. I think she still feels inside as much as I do, but she's good at suppressing those feelings. If there is anything I can hope for the meeting unexpectedly is that her feelings come back to bug her for a bit.

 

I want her to struggle as much as I have for awhile. Heck maybe it will make her talk to me if we end up crashing into each other again. But for now I'm at school and gotta get her outta my mind. And hope I am in hers at least for tonight.

 

it must be tough for her to have seen me and not expect me ever to attend her school. She's sitting there ignoring me for months not wanting to see me and BOOM I show up when she least expects it. Kinda like how we first met.. I came outta no where into her life and was a huge part of it for a long time.

[na49]

I'm praying that I don't have to see my ex at all this semester. Seeing her now just makes me feel sick. I saw a picture of her yesterday with her friends and felt like throwing up. Seeing her happy without me just hurts so freaking much. Seeing her on campus in person being happy talking to other people would kill me! I avoided eye contact when I saw her last semester, I won't go to school scared next semester. I just don't want to see her at all.

 

I think for your situation, you shouldn't try so hard to get her attention. It sounded like you were going out of your way to get a reaction out of her. Want to really get a reaction out of her? Don't try to get a reaction out of her. Just do you. She'll notice. She might not say anything, but she'll notice.

 

It's funny but I'll probably feel the same way you did today, the first time I see my ex around campus. It's bound to happen eventually considering we go to the same school for the next 3 years. I just hope that when I do see her, I'll have a new group of friends (or even just one or two new buddies) that I'll be walking around with just cracking jokes having a good time. God knows she's never alone. She talks to everyone so she has a lot of "friends". I don't want her to see me alone.

[denxnis]

Sorry to say but it sounds like you're walking backwards man...

[LostOne1]

I'm praying that I don't have to see my ex at all this semester. Seeing her now just makes me feel sick. I saw a picture of her yesterday with her friends and felt like throwing up. Seeing her happy without me just hurts so freaking much. Seeing her on campus in person being happy talking to other people would kill me! I avoided eye contact when I saw her last semester, I won't go to school scared next semester. I just don't want to see her at all.

 

I think for your situation, you shouldn't try so hard to get her attention. It sounded like you were going out of your way to get a reaction out of her. Want to really get a reaction out of her? Don't try to get a reaction out of her. Just do you. She'll notice. She might not say anything, but she'll notice.

 

It's funny but I'll probably feel the same way you did today, the first time I see my ex around campus. It's bound to happen eventually considering we go to the same school for the next 3 years. I just hope that when I do see her, I'll have a new group of friends (or even just one or two new buddies) that I'll be walking around with just cracking jokes having a good time. God knows she's never alone. She talks to everyone so she has a lot of "friends". I don't want her to see me alone.

Well my ex didn't seem happy. I mean yeah she was tlaking to someone and I was alone. I didn't care much, because she will know I am new. And I won't have friends on the first day of classes hanging with me.

 

Her class is different, because the students take ALL 7 classes per a semester together for 3 yrs. So they really know each other well. My program is different, I don't meet the same people every semester. Mines has new and different people each semester. And my classes are more at night while hers are more in the morning and afternoon. I just happened to come early today to do some paper work and browse the campus facilities.

 

I know for next time I won't be trying hard now that she knows or should know I am here. I guess I jsut wanted to do it this time, because it felt right. I mean who knows if I'll crash into her again and I wanted to make the best of it by KNOWING she saw me. I still dont know for sure, but I'm thinking she did see me.

 

And don't be scared of her man. I'm not scared of my ex I have so much power inside of me. That I am not in 1 bit worried about her judging me etc.. And you shouldn't care if your alone or not. Just smile if your alone.. that's what I did. Show that your okay and your just living your life.

 

For me I'm happy I didn't show weakness by going over and talking to her. I remember at a point I was about to get up and go talk to her. I had to stay strong to tell myself if I DID that.. it would probably create a fight then and there. Because I had a lot of anger bottled up too and lots of questions and answers I want.. and I'd have just confronted her and it wouldn't have been worth it. I'd probably look stupid in front of her friend too.

[na49]

Well as long as you don't try to get a reaction out of her next time. It might feel right, but it makes you look worse. You want to come across care free.

 

I know I shouldn't be scared of her. I just hated seeing that picture of her yesterday. It made me feel depressed and angry at the same time. I hate how it's really over between us and that her life continues while mine seems to be in a stand still. She gets away with a free pass even though she cheated on me and disrespected me. No one will hate her or think she's in the wrong. Instead I'll be seen as a jerk, a loser, just an undesirable..

[LostOne1]

Well as long as you don't try to get a reaction out of her next time. It might feel right, but it makes you look worse. You want to come across care free.

 

I know I shouldn't be scared of her. I just hated seeing that picture of her yesterday. It made me feel depressed and angry at the same time. I hate how it's really over between us and that her life continues while mine seems to be in a stand still. She gets away with a free pass even though she cheated on me and disrespected me. No one will hate her or think she's in the wrong. Instead I'll be seen as a jerk, a loser, just an undesirable..

yeah next time if I see her it will be THEN. I won't be turning around to be sure it's her again. I'll just walk by and not care.

 

Honestly when I saw her.. I was disgusted LOL. Her face was just so gross without makeup. It was like I was starting at a face that's purple or something. Or face when someone smokes for yrs and yrs. I was thinking why was I with her if I see her so gross physically.

 

I know how you feel man. I feel worse, because I bet her family thinks less of me. Even though I was always nice to them and showed them respect. But through my ex I am sure they don't like me. Heck it's not like they ever texted me back after the BU. Which shows how much they really cared.

 

I know a few days ago I was so mad. I wanted to post all of the personal emails she's ever sent me about her life and herself online. I know it's a total assole move, but it was as if I just wanted revenge. I wanted her to be embarrassed for what she did.. and then I let it go, because there is no point fighting over someone who just isn't worth it.

 

Your life isn't a stand still or is mines. We are still going to school and DOING something. It would be a stand still if we just sat at home.. cried all day and did nothing. We are still moving on in some form. Maybe not with our feelings or our heart, but with our career we are...

 

I hate how its really over between me and my ex too. 3 yrs and I believed it was going to last for a long time almost forever. It was tough to see it end, but who knows what will happen. For me this is some what of a sign of either god is testing me to see if I can get over her even when I have to see her to make me stronger. Or it's happening because he wants to bring us back together after everything we've gone through... I have no idea. I just know I am going with the flow.

 

The school has an awesome gym and it's free for students. So I will be hitting it up when I can to get stuff off my mind. But I know the pain your going through and how tough it is... For me some of the hate is gone. As I said I just always wanted was for her to sit down in person and talk to me. It never happened and I doubt at any point will she contact me to talk. I KNOW she hasn't and probably won't forget my phone number and has blocked me on FB. So it's not like she can't unblock me to talk. She won't and that's fine.

 

It's going to be a stupid game of I see you and I'm showing you I moved on with life from her and me. But I guess I have to play this game if I want to see how strong of a person I really am.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, it did seem like you were fishing for a reaction, or at least hoping for one. This is going to happen again, probably several more times. I would just act normal. She's just another person right now. If you make eye contact, smile or nod. If you bump into her and have to speak, say hello. Smile, be confident, almost smug, but just go around as if it was business as usual.

 

I know all about running into the ex on campus. Recall my first girlfriend from college -- met her in my English class and fell hard. Didn't work out, I was clingy and emotional and she got sick of it and ended it, causing me to do the e-mail, begging bulls--t stuff. After the semester ended we didn't have the same classes but we lived in the same dorm, so there was a lot of running into each other. I overcompensated and acted happy, cocky, smug, like the life of the party. Eventually I stopped doing that and just didn't give a s--t. She was wary of me but although I was acting smug and cocky, I wasn't approaching her or staring at her or anything. The next year on campus we'd smile or say hi if we saw each other on campus and it was no big thing.

[SharkTooth]

Right on! I envy you because you are almost free from the horrible pain of the break up! Good on you! I mean the feeling of no feeling either way has to be a good one right? Good job!

[LostOne1]

Yeah, it did seem like you were fishing for a reaction, or at least hoping for one. This is going to happen again, probably several more times. I would just act normal. She's just another person right now. If you make eye contact, smile or nod. If you bump into her and have to speak, say hello. Smile, be confident, almost smug, but just go around as if it was business as usual.

 

I know all about running into the ex on campus. Recall my first girlfriend from college -- met her in my English class and fell hard. Didn't work out, I was clingy and emotional and she got sick of it and ended it, causing me to do the e-mail, begging bulls--t stuff. After the semester ended we didn't have the same classes but we lived in the same dorm, so there was a lot of running into each other. I overcompensated and acted happy, cocky, smug, like the life of the party. Eventually I stopped doing that and just didn't give a s--t. She was wary of me but although I was acting smug and cocky, I wasn't approaching her or staring at her or anything. The next year on campus we'd smile or say hi if we saw each other on campus and it was no big thing.

I guess I am SO used to seeing her in the past. That if I'd had made eye contact she'd have smiled or waved etc.. So it was just odd to walk as if we are strangers yet make eye contact and know we really aren't. For me the natural thing would've been to make eye contact and have her see me and smile and I'd go over and we would talk.

 

So it was weird just having to walk and act like I don't know her. When in fact I know more about her than her own family or anyone else. She's never opened up to anyone as much as she has with me.

 

I'm sure I will run into her at least a few more times. No helping it specially if were are near the main buildings which almost everyone uses.

 

I did play the usual game. I had forms and planners in my hand, so it shows I am new to the place and figuring stuff out. Same with the security guard I asked where the library was and how to access it etc.. So I tried to play it cool as if I am there as a student. And I tried to avoid eye contact only made it twice first unexpectedly and second was just to see if she did notice me for sure.

 

I hate to say it, but part of me wishes she would just come up and talk. I don't know if I want her to talk, but it's tough to see someone you ALWAYS talked to and were close with and then suddenly have to act like your nothing to them and they are nothing to you.

 

I guess this is new for her too. She hasn't had a b.f in the same school till I met her. And now the funny thing is she moved to a new school a year ago and now I'm here again once again we meet. LOL honestly I just laugh at it right now... It's like she wants to get rid of me and some force out there is pushing us together. And all I'm doing is trying to go with the flow. I just know when I saw her face I felt grossed out. I still see it in my head almost like a faded face that was grey or purple. I'm so used to seeing her with makeup.. forgot how she looks without it.

[cavalier99]

See how much better you doing?

 

5 months ago you would have thought she looked like Ms Universe

.....not the Wicked Witch of The West you saw today. Lol

[LostOne1]

Right on! I envy you because you are almost free from the horrible pain of the break up! Good on you! I mean the feeling of no feeling either way has to be a good one right? Good job!

It was weird.. I felt nothing then but relief. Honestly I think inside of me I had this struggle of wanting to see her after she BU with me. And she never let us meet up at any point. So in some way I got some closure, because I got to see her. I got to show her that I'm alive.. kicking it still, I'm here now and she has to run into me sadly and there is noting she and I can do.

 

I suppose it;s harder for her? I mean if someone is trying to ignore you and get you out of their life. And yet you are there it must suck? For me I wasn't ignoring her ever and never wanted to, so I suppose seeing her doesn't hurt me. It just felt odd when I got home to know we stare at each other knowing lots about each other. But have to act like total strangers. I've never had to do that before.

 

My last ex just moved away to another country and that was that.. but damn this ex is a tough one LOL. It's like no matter what happens we some how run into each other at some point with fate. Just when I thought I'd never see her I do.. and just when she probably thought she'd never see me and want to see me she's stuck having to see me.

[LostOne1]

See how much better you doing?

 

5 months ago you would have thought she looked like Ms Universe

.....not the Wicked Witch of The West you saw today. Lol

Well 5 months ago.. I would've taken her back just like that.. if that were to happen now. I don't know how that would ever work. I guess back then it was desperation.. begging, pleading, thinking I was going to lose her. And who knows.. maybe I could've saved it.

 

But now it's more of time has passed by that the emotions have settled down MUCH more than before. If I had seen her 5 months ago the way I did today. I would've for sure made a rookie move and talked to her and bugged her there to talk to me and listen to me. And probably would've made things a lot worse.

 

So yeah your right there is a significant amount of improvement. I suppose more respect for myself and just being a bit stronger. But this isn't the end my friend. Having to see her a few times more will suck too.

 

I don't know who it's worse for? Her to see me or me to see her? I always thought it was me that would hurt more.. but I have a feeling it's her that must be feeling more.

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess I am SO used to seeing her in the past. That if I'd had made eye contact she'd have smiled or waved etc.. So it was just odd to walk as if we are strangers yet make eye contact and know we really aren't. For me the natural thing would've been to make eye contact and have her see me and smile and I'd go over and we would talk.

 

So it was weird just having to walk and act like I don't know her. When in fact I know more about her than her own family or anyone else. She's never opened up to anyone as much as she has with me.

 

I'm sure I will run into her at least a few more times. No helping it specially if were are near the main buildings which almost everyone uses.

 

I did play the usual game. I had forms and planners in my hand, so it shows I am new to the place and figuring stuff out. Same with the security guard I asked where the library was and how to access it etc.. So I tried to play it cool as if I am there as a student. And I tried to avoid eye contact only made it twice first unexpectedly and second was just to see if she did notice me for sure.

 

I hate to say it, but part of me wishes she would just come up and talk. I don't know if I want her to talk, but it's tough to see someone you ALWAYS talked to and were close with and then suddenly have to act like your nothing to them and they are nothing to you.

 

I guess this is new for her too. She hasn't had a b.f in the same school till I met her. And now the funny thing is she moved to a new school a year ago and now I'm here again once again we meet. LOL honestly I just laugh at it right now... It's like she wants to get rid of me and some force out there is pushing us together. And all I'm doing is trying to go with the flow. I just know when I saw her face I felt grossed out. I still see it in my head almost like a faded face that was grey or purple. I'm so used to seeing her with makeup.. forgot how she looks without it.

 

I guess I would just advise to stop "trying" to project anything. Just be you and do what you do. If she wants to talk to you, she will. But don't wish for it. It doesn't matter, you have your own thing going. She's a human, you're a human. It's all good. On a positive note, at least you weren't heartbroken or devastated or anything.

[cavalier99]

Well 5 months ago.. I would've taken her back just like that.. if that were to happen now. I don't know how that would ever work. I guess back then it was desperation.. begging, pleading, thinking I was going to lose her. And who knows.. maybe I could've saved it.

 

But now it's more of time has passed by that the emotions have settled down MUCH more than before. If I had seen her 5 months ago the way I did today. I would've for sure made a rookie move and talked to her and bugged her there to talk to me and listen to me. And probably would've made things a lot worse.

 

So yeah your right there is a significant amount of improvement. I suppose more respect for myself and just being a bit stronger. But this isn't the end my friend. Having to see her a few times more will suck too.

 

I don't know who it's worse for? Her to see me or me to see her? I always thought it was me that would hurt more.. but I have a feeling it's her that must be feeling more.

 

 

Well at the end of the day you maintained yourself respect. Congrats.

 

She is just some girl you used to date. Knock her off that pedestal! You deserve better. You own that campus!

[LostOne1]

I guess I would just advise to stop "trying" to project anything. Just be you and do what you do. If she wants to talk to you, she will. But don't wish for it. It doesn't matter, you have your own thing going. She's a human, you're a human. It's all good. On a positive note, at least you weren't heartbroken or devastated or anything.

Yeah that's the key goal here is to do my thing and let her do hers.. If she wants to talk she will. I don't need to go to her to talk anymore.

 

I might have been a bit hurt if she was with a guy aka dating. But they were sitting opposite each other and I'm sure it;s a classmate. But I guess I don't care much if she is with someone anyways. It's her life and choice and she cna do what she wants now.

[LostOne1]

Well at the end of the day you maintained yourself respect. Congrats.

 

She is just some girl you used to date. Knock her off that pedestal! You deserve better. You own that campus!

it sucks being new though. because she's been there for at least a year. So she has a nice group of friends built up. I'm totally new, so I know nobody besides her.

 

The best part was my last school when I got in she showed me around everywhere and it felt so comforting with her. Now I'm at a new school again and she's there, but this time she isnt going to give me the grand tour. Which is why I was touring the school campus myself today. I knew and accepted she wasn't going to help me and I can't expect myself to go to her and ask her to give me a tour. I gotta do **** on my own now, because she isn't here for me anymore.

[LostOne1]

Well not sure what's going on with me. felt good last night and slept well. Woke up feeling like crap.. it was like I had a knot in my stomach and I felt so nervous but I don't know why?

 

I wonder if it's because I am scared or nervous of meeting my ex again or something? Or maybe it's something else. I can't figure it out, but I felt really nervous and stressed today. To be honest my ex was on my mind today too can't get her out. It's like going to school I'm good thinking about class. But I think about people and she comes up and it sucks to know I'll bump into her again.

[cavalier99]

I expect this might mess you up for a few days. I was fine getting a nice text..no immediate reaction ... but then felt like **** for quite a while after. Seems normal that seeing her can sort of mess with your mind for a while. You will reaclimate ...just give your brain some time to readjust to the new situation at school and the possibility of seeing her.

[LostOne1]

I expect this might mess you up for a few days. I was fine getting a nice text..no immediate reaction ... but then felt like **** for quite a while after. Seems normal that seeing her can sort of mess with your mind for a while. You will reaclimate ...just give your brain some time to readjust to the new situation at school and the possibility of seeing her.

Yeah I guess this happens a lot when we interact with our ex in any form. I mean even by walking by and eye contact it's interacting with them. Sucks...

 

I may have some good news though, but I'll post it when it's the right time.

[na49]

Lost me and you are in the same boat man. I might as well be new at my school. I started last semester with her, got introduced to some of the friends that she met and only met like one or two people who I would consider to be my "friend". I just loved the idea of having her and just a small group of friends. As long as I had her, nothing else really mattered to me. I'd meet people on my own, the security of having a best friend and a loyal girlfriend was a great feeling to have in college. She became my best friend... I trusted this girl with my life.

 

WELP. We've all heard my story enough. Not how it works out. Now I'm stuck, needing to grow a pair and muster up the courage to put myself out there and talk to people. You've gotta do the same. You keep saying how it sucks that you don't know anyone besides her. Well you don't even know her now. So you need to try to meet some new people.

 

I'm so worried that I'm going to be going to school the same way. God knows the first time I see her talking to another guy even if he is just her friend I'll be playing twenty questions and be a complete mess. "Is that her new boyfriend?" "Does she love him?" "blah blah blah?" On the contrary, if I could find a girl to talk to in front of her. That'd probably hurt her. I've been talking to a girl in front of her before, I was making her laugh and I bet she hated seeing that.

 

ooo a cliffhanger. what's the good news? lol

[LostOne1]

Lost me and you are in the same boat man. I might as well be new at my school. I started last semester with her, got introduced to some of the friends that she met and only met like one or two people who I would consider to be my "friend". I just loved the idea of having her and just a small group of friends. As long as I had her, nothing else really mattered to me. I'd meet people on my own, the security of having a best friend and a loyal girlfriend was a great feeling to have in college. She became my best friend... I trusted this girl with my life.

 

WELP. We've all heard my story enough. Not how it works out. Now I'm stuck, needing to grow a pair and muster up the courage to put myself out there and talk to people. You've gotta do the same. You keep saying how it sucks that you don't know anyone besides her. Well you don't even know her now. So you need to try to meet some new people.

 

I'm so worried that I'm going to be going to school the same way. God knows the first time I see her talking to another guy even if he is just her friend I'll be playing twenty questions and be a complete mess. "Is that her new boyfriend?" "Does she love him?" "blah blah blah?" On the contrary, if I could find a girl to talk to in front of her. That'd probably hurt her. I've been talking to a girl in front of her before, I was making her laugh and I bet she hated seeing that.

 

ooo a cliffhanger. what's the good news? lol

Well for me I'm scared its gonna be the same way. That my fun social side will get shy and nervous and I will become serious in front of some friends and especially girls. I always bang my head thinking why didn't the fun side of me come out. It's like when I'm at home say with family I always crack jokes and make people laugh.

 

But boom when I'm with a girl my mind shuts down and my fun side freaks out LOL. I guess the good news is that I might be making some new "girl" friends. Not a relationship but as friends for now. I guess I just wanna impress them a lot, because there is MORE to the story. But I don't want to spoil it now.

 

So I gotta find the inner me to LOOK good and feel good for when I talk to them.

[na49]

Well for me I'm scared its gonna be the same way. That my fun social side will get shy and nervous and I will become serious in front of some friends and especially girls. I always bang my head thinking why didn't the fun side of me come out. It's like when I'm at home say with family I always crack jokes and make people laugh.

 

But boom when I'm with a girl my mind shuts down and my fun side freaks out LOL. I guess the good news is that I might be making some new "girl" friends. Not a relationship but as friends for now. I guess I just wanna impress them a lot, because there is MORE to the story. But I don't want to spoil it now.

 

So I gotta find the inner me to LOOK good and feel good for when I talk to them.

 

I'm the same way dude. Some days I'm talking to everyone, cracking jokes making everyone laugh. Other days, I'm thinking "If I say this, people will think I'm weird. I'm not going to say anything" It sucks. but I have to change. Just not sure how exactly to go about it.

[LostOne1]

I'm the same way dude. Some days I'm talking to everyone, cracking jokes making everyone laugh. Other days, I'm thinking "If I say this, people will think I'm weird. I'm not going to say anything" It sucks. but I have to change. Just not sure how exactly to go about it.

yeah same here.. it';s like we wanna change for the better.. but we either don't know how to.. or if we do something pulls us back down to how it was like before.

 

Today after my class I feel really upset. I talked to a student who is finishing up a degree I am JUST starting. He said last year out of the 30 graduates only 2 got a job. Meaning getting a job is insane with it, because there are not many. Now they could be wrong or not networking properly. But it hit me hard...

 

And then I started to feel bad and for some reason my ex came in my mind. My ex was NOTHING will she met me. And now she has this amazing career shes halfway finished into ALL because I advised her to take it and then my mom helped her get some volunteer work at her work center. It hurts to know she wins out at the end of the day. That she will have a kick ass career and job when shes done from this school. I'll still rot away doing nothing or finding my way.

 

It just hurts to know she was so lost in life when I met her and I was so fine and planned with everything. Now it's the opposite, she has everything planned is so fine. I am the lost one looking for the right path. It just feels like out of the relationship she got everything and I got nothing. She got the better schooling, I just went in a circle, she gets a new b.f for support after she leaves me. I get no one for support...

 

I guess on a good note as I was heading home from the campus. Some very good looking girl was walking by and smiling as we made eye contact and passed by each other. For a long time now I felt good knowing she smiled. Though it could be a more friendly smile than I like you smile.