lisalopez Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) I recently ended my extramarital affair. I know it was the best thing for the both of us because I am married and so is he but why am I in so much pain? I miss him terribly We were together for over a year and I fell head over heels in love with him. We became best friends telling each other everything and becoming closer each day. But the guilt I felt by betraying my husband broke me down. After Christmas, I text him and told him we had to end our affair. I wanted to focus on my marriage for the New Year. He didnt even respond to my text. I know I should have told him face to face but I couldn’t face him. If I look into his eyes I wouldn’t be able to do it I love him too much. It’s been a little over a week since I have spoken to my OM and I am struggling to not contact him, I miss him so much. I cry every day, hoping he will call or text me I feel so pathetic. He completely ignores me at work which makes me feel even worse. He will not even speak with me or look at me. I feel as if he hates me now. I keep telling myself I did the right thing and I just need toget over him but it doesn’t seem to suppress my pain . I am fighting myself to not contact him. I wonder if he even thinks about me. If anyone has gonethrough this type of thing and has any advice for me it would be appreciated. Edited January 8, 2013 by lisalopez
Bryanp Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Just curious but how would you feel if your husband had been doing to you what you have been doing to him? If you do not love your husband and want to be with another man than be honest with your husband about this and allow him to find someone else who will respect, love and be faithful to him. If you do not have honesty in your relationship then you have nothing. You should fess up to your husband and seek marriage counseling. It is the right thing to do. Good luck. 3
Author lisalopez Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 I do love my husband that is why I ended my affair I just don't understand why I miss my OM so much I had such strong feelings for him it's hard to just shut them off but all I can do is focus on my marriage and take it day by day
nofool4u Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 He completely ignores me at work which makes me feel even worse. He will not even speak with me or look at me. I feel as if he hates me now. I am fighting myself to not contact him. I wonder if he even thinks about me. If anyone has gonethrough this type of thing and has any advice for me it would be appreciated. First, this line of thinking isn't going to be well received in this part of the forum. Although this is the "Infidelity" forum, most of the people that come to this one are on the crap end of the stick of situations such as yours, the betrayed end. OM/OW forum will probably be your best bet. But since you are in this forum, I'll say that it is going to be of little concern to people here whether you think the OM hates you or won't speak to you because we will sympathize with your husband and are concerned about what you are doing to him. But if you want to know how to get over him, maybe tell your husband, since he deserves to know what he is married to anyway. Maybe that'll give you the swift kick in the keister you need to get over him. Let your H hold your feet to the fire.
Bryanp Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Lisa, if you love your husband you would not cheat on him and put his health at risk for STD's? Do you believe your husband loves you? If yes then do you believe he would still have a sexual affair behind your back if he loved you? I am sorry but your words do not match your actions. Don't you think your husband deserves to know about this so he can decide what he wishes to do as well? You have been playing your husband as a fool.
buckeyeblue Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Lisa - First, good job on going NC, at least until you can think things through. From a BS's perspective, I think that it would be helpful for you to know that the most painful aspect of an affair for the BS is the betrayal. You need to choose. If you love your H, come clean and live your life authenically with him. If you don't want your H, then tell him why and let him go. As far as missing your AP, this is very normal from what I can tell. I am not really one who likes the term "affair fog", but I partly agree with the concept. Your relationship with your AP was not dragged down every day with every day life issues such as children, finances, in-laws, family illness, cleaning house, etc. Your conversations with him allowed both of you to focus completely on each other - with compliments, understanding, peace. Of course you would miss this. Who wouldn't? Take some time during the NC to see this position clearly. Until you live with someone day in and day out and experience difficult, mundane, and frustrating issues you can't possibly know whether it is your marriage that you want to escape from or just the unpleasant issues that drag you down in life in general. 1
jwi71 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I recently ended my extramarital affair. I know it was the best thing for the both of us because I am married and so is he but why am I in so much pain? I miss him terribly We were together for over a year and I fell head over heels in love with him. We became best friends telling each other everything and becoming closer each day. But the guilt I felt by betraying my husband broke me down. After Christmas, I text him and told him we had to end our affair. I wanted to focus on my marriage for the New Year. He didnt even respond to my text. I know I should have told him face to face but I couldn’t face him. If I look into his eyes I wouldn’t be able to do it I love him too much. It’s been a little over a week since I have spoken to my OM and I am struggling to not contact him, I miss him so much. I cry every day, hoping he will call or text me I feel so pathetic. He completely ignores me at work which makes me feel even worse. He will not even speak with me or look at me. I feel as if he hates me now. I keep telling myself I did the right thing and I just need toget over him but it doesn’t seem to suppress my pain . I am fighting myself to not contact him. I wonder if he even thinks about me. If anyone has gonethrough this type of thing and has any advice for me it would be appreciated. My Q for you is: How and why did you have an A? How did your H fail you? Those would be my first steps.
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I tell a lot of WSs this, but there's a site called SurvivingInfidelity. They have a WS forum where BSs like me and most of the others on this thread can be excluded. Affairs create a triangle, this site really only has a place for 2 parts of it unfortunately.
AbeNormal Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) My Q for you is: How and why did you have an A? How did your H fail you? Those would be my first steps. In bold - azzbackwards idiocy. Or are you joking (or turning things around)? Sorry jwi71, don't know your history or where you stand - just reacting to the statement as written. But I've been a bit too "reactionary" lately ... dealing with infidelity leads to that, I suppose ... Damn, I wish this wasn't part of my life! So destructive. If your post was serious jwi71, let me just point this out: defense mechanisms only "work" within one's cocoon – not without. Edited January 9, 2013 by AbeNormal
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