dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Hopefully someone can enlighten me on this... I recently go out of a long-term relationship and decided to try online dating to get back into the game, no expectations. I replied to a few ads on Craigslist (i know, i know!), and exchanged a lot of emails in a short amount of time with this guy. He sent me pics, and he really wasn't my style at all but decided to keep chatting with him because he was fun, smart and we really had a lot of things in common. We met rather quickly..maybe within 5 days, and after 100 emails. We went for coffee and chatted for over 2 hours. At that point, I still wasn't too sure if I liked him physically but it was still fun. Shortly after our meeting he contacted me through email (because I never gave him my number) to ask me to continue our "date" later that night. I accepted because I had nothing to do that day. We watched a movie, and towards the end he put his arms around me. We talked a bit and teased each other, and then out of nowhere he jumped on me to kiss me. It was a good kiss, and we made out for quite a while after that. I teased him about doing more than just making out, because I could feel his manhood, and he said that should be kept for the next date. (!!) I contacted him, through email, after 1 day of not hearing back to let him know I had a good time (but without inviting him to do more things in the future), and he answered back saying he did too and that we should do it again SOON. He asked for my schedule for this week, and that when I last heard of him. That was 3 days ago. What to think? Is he interested? Should I contact him? He doesn't have my phone number, and maybe there is a problem with the emails?:/ Should I just let it be? Should I forget him? PLEASE HELP! P.S. I also want to mention that his original ad is now erased from CL. P.S. 1 We are both in our mid-20s.
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Please guys..I really need some quick advice on whether to call or email him :S:S:S
mammasita Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I say email him again. You have nothing to lose. Go for it.
imfine Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Don't contact him. Craigslist, dating sites & social networking sites are often used like trott lines. Hang several hooks & get several bites. Chances are he's busy chatting up other girls. If he's really interested, he'll show you. 1
CarrieT Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Please guys..I really need some quick advice on whether to call or email him :S:S:S Why the urgency??? I did the Craigslist thing for *years* and can promise you that 98% of the people on the site (me included!), were/are players. If he is worth anything, you will continued to "date" and not have sex for many, many more dates while I proves his worth.
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 I say email him again. You have nothing to lose. Go for it. Thanks for the response! Isn't it better if i call him..it's instant response. I'm going crazy trying to decide what to do. After all, I was the one to last send him a reply to our emal thread 3 DAYS ago :S
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Why the urgency??? I did the Craigslist thing for *years* and can promise you that 98% of the people on the site (me included!), were/are players. If he is worth anything, you will continued to "date" and not have sex for many, many more dates while I proves his worth. Well the urgency is me wanting to know what is going on. He clearly showed me a lot of interest..quickly, and now without no contact I'm in the dark and I don't know what's going on. He did delete his ad the day after we met (I checked!)... A detail I forgot to mention is that he was away on a ski trip this week-end but technology is everywhere so no excuse!. I mean he emailed me during New Years while he was out with his party friends... I wish I could understand the logic of asking for my schedule and then just dropping it:(
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Why the urgency??? I did the Craigslist thing for *years* and can promise you that 98% of the people on the site (me included!), were/are players. If he is worth anything, you will continued to "date" and not have sex for many, many more dates while I proves his worth. What is craigslist carrie edit dont worry googled it...ta...deb
CarrieT Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Well the urgency is me wanting to know what is going on. He clearly showed me a lot of interest..quickly, and now without no contact I'm in the dark and I don't know what's going on. The lack of response tells you EXACTLY what is going on... He showed interest because you gave him a boner and the promise of sex. I say wait.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 He hasn't contacted you in three days....he wasn't really interested, plain and simple. Takes effort for a guy to start the ball rolling with a new girl he isn't crazy about, it can be a chore and even an annoyance, especially if there's something he already doesn't really like about you. He might even already have a GF or someone he is seeing, therefore you're on the back-burner and not a priority. I have no idea why people would advise you to contact him, you're the woman...if the man is interested, let him pursue, if you pursue him you're just asking him to chew you up and spit you out if he feels inclined to do so, he's not an idiot, he knows you're there and available and because the proposition of sex is high then that's even easier to decide to see you again but he's not even that interested in that, it's a free meal and he's not even eating. Roll on your back and pursue him, I'm sure if you pester him enough he'll stick it in you, but this already shows where you're at on his priority list and where his interest level is...but learn the hard way just because you might be able to get him to message you back and make up some excuse why he hasn't contacted you, go ahead, force the ball to roll thinking that someone he didn't contact you because a rocket flew out of the sky and destroyed his computer and cell phone at the same time. 3
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 The lack of response tells you EXACTLY what is going on... He showed interest because you gave him a boner and the promise of sex. I say wait. But he could have had sex...and he refused it. We were heavily making out, and HE said no sex until the next date, So the promise of sex is pretty much still there
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 He hasn't contacted you in three days....he wasn't really interested, plain and simple. Takes effort for a guy to start the ball rolling with a new girl he isn't crazy about, it can be a chore and even an annoyance, especially if there's something he already doesn't really like about you. He might even already have a GF or someone he is seeing, therefore you're on the back-burner and not a priority. I have no idea why people would advise you to contact him, you're the woman...if the man is interested, let him pursue, if you pursue him you're just asking him to chew you up and spit you out if he feels inclined to do so, he's not an idiot, he knows you're there and available and because the proposition of sex is high then that's even easier to decide to see you again but he's not even that interested in that, it's a free meal and he's not even eating. Roll on your back and pursue him, I'm sure if you pester him enough he'll stick it in you, but this already shows where you're at on his priority list and where his interest level is...but learn the hard way just because you might be able to get him to message you back and make up some excuse why he hasn't contacted you, go ahead, force the ball to roll thinking that someone he didn't contact you because a rocket flew out of the sky and destroyed his computer and cell phone at the same time. LOL!!! I love your message! so TRUE!! Reminds me of the rules from "He is just not that into you". The SAD part is that I am not even physically attracted to him. I just want it because I can't have it. I am so disappointed in my lack of judgement in this situation :/ It still hurts though.
MikeyBe Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Who knows dulcessa but if you met him on CR then people probably aren't going to have a favorable opinion of the situation. It sounds odd that he doesn't have your number. Kind of a red flag, IMO.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 LOL!!! I love your message! so TRUE!! Reminds me of the rules from "He is just not that into you". The SAD part is that I am not even physically attracted to him. I just want it because I can't have it. I am so disappointed in my lack of judgement in this situation :/ It still hurts though. Because you just got out of a long-term relationship, that means you're flopping around like a fish on pier...a butterfly with a broken wing, you just need some guy to make you feel sexy, wanted and desirable even if it's senior douchebag off craigslist who has the charm of a homeless man high on crack. This isn't about him, it's about you...you're looking for a distraction, some validation and an "I've still got it" ego boost...you're not even into the moron you just are disappointed he didn't desire you and give into your needs which is how desperate you were to have them fulfilled by going on craigslist of all places...at least try a club where you can see the guy and he can pretend to be a "nice" before spinning his weak charm on you when you were ready to go in the first place. You're acting out right now emotionally, you've got to get it together before you left some dumb@ss stick it in you and then start falling all in love with him because you were just looking for some company and someone or something to make you feel good about yourself again. Many women out of long-term relationships/marriages/going through separations/divorces are prime targets to be hit up and strung along, it's as if it's apart of your DNA because you're like in this "I don't want to be alone forever mode" or you exacerbate all these vulnerable emotions and feelings, you're a sitting duck emotionally. I see it all the time, women trying to fill or replace a void...because they can't handle the change or adjust so they look for a replacement or a distraction even if they don't even care what it is or who they're getting themselves involved with sometimes. 1
ascendotum Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 LOL!!! The SAD part is that I am not even physically attracted to him. I just want it because I can't have it. I am so disappointed in my lack of judgement in this situation :/ It still hurts though. You don't think that began at the point were you looked for romance using CL! I can understand why it hurts. Women don't like putting the welcome mat out only for the guy to walk off. They are not used to it..x2 when they think the guy is not all that. Look he could still contact you. He has other things going on in his life and you're a sure a sure thing, but what do you want a bf or a STR or to be a hookup. Email him if its the later. NIP gave you top replies.
edgygirl Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Come on guys, CL is for all kinds of people and you can find your apartment, furniture AND a boyfriend there! Pre OKcupid it was THE place to go. I met one of the guys I've loved most in my life off CL. OP, forget this loser as ninja and others said (you aren't even into him!) and get on okcupid for some distracting flings At least there you can see if you're attracted to the guy before meeting.
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Because you just got out of a long-term relationship, that means you're flopping around like a fish on pier...a butterfly with a broken wing, you just need some guy to make you feel sexy, wanted and desirable even if it's senior douchebag off craigslist who has the charm of a homeless man high on crack. This isn't about him, it's about you...you're looking for a distraction, some validation and an "I've still got it" ego boost...you're not even into the moron you just are disappointed he didn't desire you and give into your needs which is how desperate you were to have them fulfilled by going on craigslist of all places...at least try a club where you can see the guy and he can pretend to be a "nice" before spinning his weak charm on you when you were ready to go in the first place. You're acting out right now emotionally, you've got to get it together before you left some dumb@ss stick it in you and then start falling all in love with him because you were just looking for some company and someone or something to make you feel good about yourself again. Many women out of long-term relationships/marriages/going through separations/divorces are prime targets to be hit up and strung along, it's as if it's apart of your DNA because you're like in this "I don't want to be alone forever mode" or you exacerbate all these vulnerable emotions and feelings, you're a sitting duck emotionally. I see it all the time, women trying to fill or replace a void...because they can't handle the change or adjust so they look for a replacement or a distraction even if they don't even care what it is or who they're getting themselves involved with sometimes. Ninja, you should write a book- I'm sure it would be an instant besteller:P In my defense, I only did answer to his ad while browsing to rent the apartment I was living in with my ex. So I wasn't really looking for a Craigslist fling on purpose! Despite not liking his looks, I did feel a connection. And the fact that he was hard, and prefer to wait to do something about it, made me think he might be interested. Guys are too complicated. Thanks for the enlightenment though. Starting to realize the ridicule of this
baRx Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) What do you mean "guys are too complicated" ?? Has nobody even read this thread? Everyone replying saying he's not into you are idiots. You said when you last spoke, you contacted him (but without inviting him to do more things in the future) and he asked your what your schedule was.... you never said you replied, gave him your schedule, and left it open for him to make a move. So with that said, did you? (Not only that, you haven't even given the guy your number. So really, who's the one playing around here?) And has he not responded since? I would wait it out a bit. Just because he hasn't spoken to you in 3 days doesn't mean he's not into you, or he's seeing anyone else, or he's a player, or anything. There are women I haven't spoken to in months that I'm still interested in, but I've been busy with life and haven't gotten around to being able to set up a date or anything. If that blows my chances, so be it. But - it doesn't mean we aren't still interested. We don't have to push through the crowd and get in touch with you every single day to show that. We can wait a little while. In fact, good for him! You teased this guy all night, got him rock hard and he still had the sense to hold off, then on top of it -- he WAITS to contact you. Good for him, really. I applaud that. Shows a lot of respect coming from someone you met off craigslist, of all places. Give it a couple more days, then just shoot him an email and ask him if he'd like to meet up again. Maybe he thinks you're the one not interested. He even went as far as to delete his initial add OFF CL. Good sign if you ask me. For someone who's not into him, you certainly are going out of your way trying to figure this thing out... and if you only want him because you "couldn't have it" -- then leave the poor guy alone and find someone else to mess around with. Edited January 8, 2013 by baRx
Author dulcessa Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 What do you mean "guys are too complicated" ?? Has nobody even read this thread? Everyone replying saying he's not into you are idiots. You said when you last spoke, you contacted him (but without inviting him to do more things in the future) and he asked your what your schedule was.... you never said you replied, gave him your schedule, and left it open for him to make a move. So with that said, did you? (Not only that, you haven't even given the guy your number. So really, who's the one playing around here?) And has he not responded since? I would wait it out a bit. Just because he hasn't spoken to you in 3 days doesn't mean he's not into you, or he's seeing anyone else, or he's a player, or anything. There are women I haven't spoken to in months that I'm still interested in, but I've been busy with life and haven't gotten around to being able to set up a date or anything. If that blows my chances, so be it. But - it doesn't mean we aren't still interested. We don't have to push through the crowd and get in touch with you every single day to show that. We can wait a little while. In fact, good for him! You teased this guy all night, got him rock hard and he still had the sense to hold off, then on top of it -- he WAITS to contact you. Good for him, really. I applaud that. Shows a lot of respect coming from someone you met off craigslist, of all places. Give it a couple more days, then just shoot him an email and ask him if he'd like to meet up again. Maybe he thinks you're the one not interested. He even went as far as to delete his initial add OFF CL. Good sign if you ask me. For someone who's not into him, you certainly are going out of your way trying to figure this thing out... and if you only want him because you "couldn't have it" -- then leave the poor guy alone and find someone else to mess around with. Thanks for the positive answer! The last email we exhanged was from me sending him my schedule.He never answered back to that and thats the last ive heard of him. After we had coffee he immediately contacted me to see me the same night, so thats why I dont see him as someone scared or playing games... I am getting annoyed because he usually answers within a 2-3hours period and its been 4days now. I am annoyed of not knowing what going on. I am annoyed because we hit it off, and he is cool to hang with. I am annoyed because he is a 6, and I t least an 8. Also, he is using Yahoo mail..and I heard of people getting locked out on sunday and monday due to a hack..:/ But I guess I am just trying to make myself feel better by finding an excuse to his attitude! I still dont know what to do.
baRx Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 How about you send him another email, and this time - give him your number and tell him to call you. That should help clear things up. What does "I am annoyed because he is a 6, and I atleast an 8" have to do with anything? Does the fact that you think you're better looking than him and him not running all over your sh*t trying everything he can to get you, annoy you? Are you or are you not interested in this guy, as more than friends?
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