newmoon Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 my 'love language' is gifts - i like to receive thoughtful little trinkets and whatnots to know someone thought of me. my bf HATES gifts, he doesn't like anything he is given at all and it's definitely the last of his 'languages.' but, this behavior hurts me really bad. i'm on vacaation alone right now and i cannot even bring him back a single souvenir, not even a $1 keychain, lol. it actually hurts me to not give something to another person, even knowing they wouldn't like/appreciate it. can anyone help me to understand why i feel that way and how the heck to get over it?? i realize people don't want something but it actually makes me hurt to not give, like i'm denying a part of myself that makes me happy, so i end up sad when i don't give, if that makes sense
Balzac Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 You were taught or conditioned that trinkets indicate love.
Silly_Girl Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Is your guy offended by gifts? Because 50% of the pleasure in the process is for the giver, so I wonder why there is a specific loathing from him and an inability to be gracious and accept something given with love. Is their any relevant history here? Either between you or otherwise?
Author newmoon Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Is your guy offended by gifts? Because 50% of the pleasure in the process is for the giver, so I wonder why there is a specific loathing from him and an inability to be gracious and accept something given with love. Is their any relevant history here? Either between you or otherwise? he grew up in poverty, so, he never got anything for holdays/birthdays/etc. i am used to giving/getting, but when i give to him he has zero appreciation, doesn't say thanks, a variety of stuff. it's ok, i won't examine his reasons, i'm more curious as to how do i stop feeling hurt when i can't give?? as you said, i get pleasure from it and am denied the pleasure when he (and others) don't want stuff. the stuff is not always given with 'love' sometimes it's just a souvenir or something
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