4givrnt4gtr Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 My bf of 9 months and I got into an conversation last night that hurt my feelings. Long story short, my bf and I are moving in together in 2 weeks. We are hashing out the details of who pays what etc. Always a dicey dituation. In any case, I am a student, with a part time job that pays 800 per month. He has a full time job, no debts, good salary. Given these things he has insited that he pays a bit more than half of rent etc. However, I have noticed that in our dating habits, he is more than happy to let me pay the bill and sometimes seems hesitant to treat me to dinner, if for instance, he had just watched a movie. In any case, because I noticed he tends to be careful with money I insist that we pay 50/50. Somehow though, yesterday he tells me that since we are transfering the utilities from my place to the new place, then he will pay half the rent and I shall pay half the rent and utilities. Im not sure how this idea happened, given his insistance that he wants to help me financially, but I told him I probably couldn't do that as fronting all utilities plus rent would mean I would end up paying over $1050 which I can't afford. I again reminded him that 50/50 in everything would be fair and that I also didnt want him to pay for everything. SO we went to watch a movie and then after the movie he started kinda mocking me about the 50/50 idea. I told him that it was my experience that in order to avoid resentment, it was the best thing we could do. I told him how a past ex would often accused me of using him if, for instance, while living together, he would spot me for something, despite me paying him back right away, therefore I always insist to pay my own way regardless. He then told me that he trusted me and that, though sometimes it could seem like I was taking advantage of him, he knew it wasn't the case. I was kinda taken aback. I asked him what instances could be taken as me taking advantage of him and he said that, for example, the fact that he comes to see me at my place more often than I come to see him. He also mentioned that he pays more often for dates than I do (though I have always made sure I keep it as close to 50/50 as possible). I was so shocked to find out he feels this way, especially because I have tried so hard to be fair with him and even talked to him at the begining of the relationship about how, if we go out, I pay once and he pays once, so its financially feasible for both to enjoy our time together. It has been my impression that I have kept my word on that, except for maybe this month when I have ran out of funds from financial aid. So that hurt my feelings and is making me very hesitant to accept any dates or help from him. We talked about it this morning and I told him how i felt. He clarified some of the things he said, especially clarified that he does appreciate the efforts I have made in our relationship, however, I am still weary. Just now he messaged me asking me if I wanted to go to a movie with him tonight. Given that we went out last night and he paid, and I have no money whatsoever, I don't want to accept because then that would mean he has to pay again. I feel so uncomfortable now and I dont know how to shake it off. What should I do? should I accept the date or tell him I am going to sit this one out? I dont want to keep harping on how weary I feel knowing he is keeping tabs on who pays for what and how many times Ive paid vs how many time he is paid (and wouldnt be surprised if he also keeps tabs on how much each one spent!) Specially because he kept saying that though he notices these things, he doesn't really care. But at the same time, I just dont feel right, after what he said, to still go out with him and make him spend money once again. What to do?!
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