is reconciliation possible?

[Doug123]

First off thanks for looking.

 

My Ex Girlfriend of a year and half broke up with me 3 and half months ago, and I am a couple days shy of 3 months of complete no contact with her. We connected in college but are from the same town. I have since graduated and am living at home while she finishes up school. The college she attends is only a 45 minute drive from my house. We talked a lot and spent a lot of time together. Ive always done pretty good with women, but this was by the far the most serious I have ever been about a girl.

 

So one night she called me up in tears and said "I love you and care about you but i think we need some time apart". I was a little shocked, maybe even angry, it was pretty out of the blue and over the phone. This coming a week and half after returning from a family member's wedding where I introduced her as my girlfriend to my entire extended family, where she as well told me "I cant wait for our wedding day".

 

But I didnt think she was too serious about the break. I figured a couple days out of touch we would get together and figure things out. I start going into limited contact. We have another phone discussion maybe 4 or 5 days later. Shes still pretty serious about the break, we both get a little emotional, tears are shed. Im pretty upset, I miss her, I want her back etc. etc. I do some research get some advice and decide to go complete no contact, so we dont speak for a week after the last phone conversation.

 

Then one day I am at the gas station in our hometown filling up and she pulls in as well to get gas. She sees me, does a 180 and drives right away. I was kind of taken back by this, we had yet to have a face to face conversation since she intiated the break. I texted her "what was that about", she said she wanted to avoid an awkward situation. But the lines of communication opened and we decided to meet for coffee next weekend to talk, and end things on "good terms, with no hard feelings". Didnt have any conatact during the week.

 

We met for coffee, she seemed really nervous. First thing she says without looking at me in the eyes is, "It was really ****ty of me to break up with over you over the phone but I think it is for the best". She goes on to say its nothing I did, your a great guy, I still love and care about you, we need time a part, the whole "its not you its me" routine. She wants to focus on graduating and her job, and that there was no other man, and she didnt have an interest in dating anyone. I told her I dont agree but will accept and will respect. I tried to be charming, I made her laugh a lot. I as well noticed she was wearing a charm I gave her for our 1 year anniversary that represents everlasting love. While leaving the coffee shop, I return a book her grandfather had lent me and she says "see you later". I still havent seen her.

 

So I decide to start no contact again but this time for good, we finally had a face to face meeting, I kind of got what I needed to begin healing, moving on etc. I felt like given space and time the chances were pretty high of us getting back together.

 

So here's the kicker I get on Facebook 10 days after the coffee shop meeting and she is in a relationship with another dude.

 

I was pretty devestated. I broke no contact, called, no answer, didnt leave a message, never heard from her and moved on with no contact.

 

This guy has been around before. He goes to another school and lives in another area of the state so I have never met him. They dated casually, at the start of our relationship she said they were never serious and had never been intimate. She had actually committed to be his date at his sister's wedding and she actually broke those plans with him to be with me. This was like early summer 2011. And our relationship then blossomed from there.

 

I know he kind of harrassed her a bit after she cut him off. She deleted his number etc. etc. He'd occasionally sent her an email, she didnt respond and always showed me the things he sent her. In kind of a sick and twisted way we used to laugh at him for how desperate he was because of how well things were going between us, how in love we were.

 

I know maybe a month or so before our breakup they had exchanged some texts. She showed me, they seemed innocent like two old friends catching up, apparently he was in a realationship that looked serious and seemed to have finally moved on.

 

Now my ex is fairly young, 21, and I know girls at that age are prone to play mindgames. Like she seems to go way out of her way to flaunt this new relationship on social media. I saw one status that was like "cant wait to hang out with my best friend / boyfriend", and she said somewhere that she loved him too. It also appears that they take a picture together everytime they are together and of course she has to put it up on facebook. I know her to be a genuine nice person, I feel like shes using him to make me jelous, If she was serious about him and was interested in him for the longterm, why flaunt it like that? Their relationship also appears to be moving pretty quickly. Like even other people on facebook commented on some of her posts about him and stuff like "your asking for trouble" and so forth.

 

In the time since the breakup I havent been doing to bad actually. Been focusing on stuff that is important to me, been reconnecting with old friends, just ran a 10K and have lost 20 lbs since the break up. My confidence is pretty high, I did some light dating, even hooked up with a girl. In spite of how everything has played Im still certian I want her in my life.

 

So here I am, closing in on 3 months of No Contact, she hasnt reached out me at all, not on my birthday, and not during the holidays. NC has certianly been beneficial to me, not sure about its impact on her though. Im a pretty firm believer that they all come back eventually, it just depends on wether your willing to forgive and forget. I recently had my first girlfriend from high school reach out to me to get together, and she is engaged.

 

So advice wise, I was wondering what someone elses opinion is on ths matter. Id really like to hear from a female perspective possibly what is going through my ex's mind right now.

 

Also:

1. Does her situation sound like GIGS or a rebound? (they are closing in on three months together) (note: he got out of relationship after we broke up, but i dont think they were that serious idk, him and my ex were a public couple exactly a month to the day after our break up)

2. Could you see her current relationship being longterm?

3. How long should I maintain no contact?

4. When and if a chance for reconciliation occurs whats the best way to approach? Ive always maintained a sort of rule, never get back with an ex, but for her Id break it given the right conditions and circumstances

5. Realalistically what would you say our odds of getting back together are? I mean I took her from him once I can do it again right?

 

Thank You So Much

[HARPER100]

Why would you want her back? From your post it would seem highly likely she was cheating on you while you were still together.

 

You seem to have been doing pretty good over the last few months so my advice would be move on. Don't make any contact, don't look at her FB account and if she contacts you ignore her. Forget her and enjoy your life.

[Million.to.1]

is reconciliation possible?

 

Why don't you read through the "second chances" forum and see for yourself?

 

I'll save you the time. The answer in yes... but only 000.0001% of the time.

 

In your case, i would say no, and you would do good to follow Harper's advice.

[tjackson1]

First off thanks for looking.

 

My Ex Girlfriend of a year and half broke up with me 3 and half months ago, and I am a couple days shy of 3 months of complete no contact with her. We connected in college but are from the same town. I have since graduated and am living at home while she finishes up school. The college she attends is only a 45 minute drive from my house. We talked a lot and spent a lot of time together. Ive always done pretty good with women, but this was by the far the most serious I have ever been about a girl.

 

So one night she called me up in tears and said "I love you and care about you but i think we need some time apart". I was a little shocked, maybe even angry, it was pretty out of the blue and over the phone. This coming a week and half after returning from a family member's wedding where I introduced her as my girlfriend to my entire extended family, where she as well told me "I cant wait for our wedding day".

 

But I didnt think she was too serious about the break. I figured a couple days out of touch we would get together and figure things out. I start going into limited contact. We have another phone discussion maybe 4 or 5 days later. Shes still pretty serious about the break, we both get a little emotional, tears are shed. Im pretty upset, I miss her, I want her back etc. etc. I do some research get some advice and decide to go complete no contact, so we dont speak for a week after the last phone conversation.

 

Then one day I am at the gas station in our hometown filling up and she pulls in as well to get gas. She sees me, does a 180 and drives right away. I was kind of taken back by this, we had yet to have a face to face conversation since she intiated the break. I texted her "what was that about", she said she wanted to avoid an awkward situation. But the lines of communication opened and we decided to meet for coffee next weekend to talk, and end things on "good terms, with no hard feelings". Didnt have any conatact during the week.

 

We met for coffee, she seemed really nervous. First thing she says without looking at me in the eyes is, "It was really ****ty of me to break up with over you over the phone but I think it is for the best". She goes on to say its nothing I did, your a great guy, I still love and care about you, we need time a part, the whole "its not you its me" routine. She wants to focus on graduating and her job, and that there was no other man, and she didnt have an interest in dating anyone. I told her I dont agree but will accept and will respect. I tried to be charming, I made her laugh a lot. I as well noticed she was wearing a charm I gave her for our 1 year anniversary that represents everlasting love. While leaving the coffee shop, I return a book her grandfather had lent me and she says "see you later". I still havent seen her.

 

So I decide to start no contact again but this time for good, we finally had a face to face meeting, I kind of got what I needed to begin healing, moving on etc. I felt like given space and time the chances were pretty high of us getting back together.

 

So here's the kicker I get on Facebook 10 days after the coffee shop meeting and she is in a relationship with another dude.

 

I was pretty devestated. I broke no contact, called, no answer, didnt leave a message, never heard from her and moved on with no contact.

 

This guy has been around before. He goes to another school and lives in another area of the state so I have never met him. They dated casually, at the start of our relationship she said they were never serious and had never been intimate. She had actually committed to be his date at his sister's wedding and she actually broke those plans with him to be with me. This was like early summer 2011. And our relationship then blossomed from there.

 

I know he kind of harrassed her a bit after she cut him off. She deleted his number etc. etc. He'd occasionally sent her an email, she didnt respond and always showed me the things he sent her. In kind of a sick and twisted way we used to laugh at him for how desperate he was because of how well things were going between us, how in love we were.

 

I know maybe a month or so before our breakup they had exchanged some texts. She showed me, they seemed innocent like two old friends catching up, apparently he was in a realationship that looked serious and seemed to have finally moved on.

 

Now my ex is fairly young, 21, and I know girls at that age are prone to play mindgames. Like she seems to go way out of her way to flaunt this new relationship on social media. I saw one status that was like "cant wait to hang out with my best friend / boyfriend", and she said somewhere that she loved him too. It also appears that they take a picture together everytime they are together and of course she has to put it up on facebook. I know her to be a genuine nice person, I feel like shes using him to make me jelous, If she was serious about him and was interested in him for the longterm, why flaunt it like that? Their relationship also appears to be moving pretty quickly. Like even other people on facebook commented on some of her posts about him and stuff like "your asking for trouble" and so forth.

 

In the time since the breakup I havent been doing to bad actually. Been focusing on stuff that is important to me, been reconnecting with old friends, just ran a 10K and have lost 20 lbs since the break up. My confidence is pretty high, I did some light dating, even hooked up with a girl. In spite of how everything has played Im still certian I want her in my life.

 

So here I am, closing in on 3 months of No Contact, she hasnt reached out me at all, not on my birthday, and not during the holidays. NC has certianly been beneficial to me, not sure about its impact on her though. Im a pretty firm believer that they all come back eventually, it just depends on wether your willing to forgive and forget. I recently had my first girlfriend from high school reach out to me to get together, and she is engaged.

 

So advice wise, I was wondering what someone elses opinion is on ths matter. Id really like to hear from a female perspective possibly what is going through my ex's mind right now.

 

Also:

1. Does her situation sound like GIGS or a rebound? (they are closing in on three months together) (note: he got out of relationship after we broke up, but i dont think they were that serious idk, him and my ex were a public couple exactly a month to the day after our break up)

2. Could you see her current relationship being longterm?

3. How long should I maintain no contact?

4. When and if a chance for reconciliation occurs whats the best way to approach? Ive always maintained a sort of rule, never get back with an ex, but for her Id break it given the right conditions and circumstances

5. Realalistically what would you say our odds of getting back together are? I mean I took her from him once I can do it again right?

 

Thank You So Much

 

 

Your situation is very simular to mine almost down to the T. Don't doubt for a second that she had her eye on him before you broke up because more than likely she did(Me and my ex are in the same situation and she was seeing him and talking to him behind my back for 3 weeks before breaking up)

 

My ex did the same thing with social media sites. Ex. me and my ex were together for 4 years and very rarely did we post pic's to gether or up date where we were together. And my ex only seeing this guy for 3 months up dates every little thing they do and have posted 5x the pics me and her had. Even though she still has all the pic's of me and her together up.

 

The fact that she was together with him so fast that just looks like a rebound and dont think in my opinion it will go any were.

 

Your odds all depends on your relationship. every couple is different.

 

Keep with NC till she contacts you.

 

Congrats on the weight lose that very good. I to have lost about 25-30lbs but not the most healthy way. but good for you man.

 

There are a ton more people out there that wouldn't need to take second thought about you. If you want her back you need to ask your self what will be different this time, can you forgive and forget?

[Jono85]

Why would you want her back? From your post it would seem highly likely she was cheating on you while you were still together.

 

You seem to have been doing pretty good over the last few months so my advice would be move on. Don't make any contact, don't look at her FB account and if she contacts you ignore her. Forget her and enjoy your life.

 

 

this.

 

but not only this, she also lied to your face in your meet up saying she didn't want to date anyone and there was no one else. but not only that, even when you were hurt, and called her, she just ignored your call, and hasn't ever contacted you since? this chick doesn't give a flying f*ck about your feelings (neither do most exes once it's over, same with mine), but you're really willing to just be okay with her blatantly disrespecting you and not caring for you the way she has? sounds like a real keeper.

[almosteverythingx]

1. Does her situation sound like GIGS or a rebound? I would say GIGS... only because he broke up with someone and she went quick into a relationship with him so clearly there was something going on before. I'll be honest with you, I too have done something similar WHILST in a relationship. Bad I know.

2. Could you see her current relationship being longterm? Highly unlikely, she will probably realise after a while he isn't what hes cracked up to be. This is what happened when I liked a guy whilst in a loving long term relationship... yes I know I'm bad !

3. How long should I maintain no contact? REMAIN IT FOREVER. Until she proves she wants you back please do not speak to her.

4. When and if a chance for reconciliation occurs whats the best way to approach? Approach like its a new relationship. Many people break up and get back together and its the same problems as before. I always say when a relationship has ended it has died. START AGAIN right from the beginning but this time learn from your mistakes.Also, make sure she really knows business and doesn't mess you around.

5. Realalistically what would you say our odds of getting back together are?

A lot of people on here will hate me for saying this, they may say I'm giving you false hope. But like I said I have had GIGS and it sounds like she may too. BUT only may!

I would say 50/50.

 

Another point I must make though.

Karma has turned on me. My partner now has GIGS. It has helped that I have also been there myself. But I have learned a lot from it, trust me. One thing I know you'll be fed up of hearing is this. MOVE ON. No, I'm not saying move on and never think about the chance you may have of getting together. I mean move on, so that if your partner does come back you will be far more appealing and will be ready to start a brand new relationship. You need to focus on you right now, NO CONTACT *This could ruin your chances and get on with it.