ToBeBetter Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 So I have been in this situation on and off for almost three years now. It all started when I found out that a former employers wife was being abused at her home and I stepped in to boost her confidence. To me I felt like I was being a friend and supportive to both parties. Later on this women developed a love for me and has become overbearing and in a way very obsessive to the point that it scares me. I know that I shouldn't have even let it go on that far, but there are some major problems in my own marriage to me it was an escape from life at times. It has gotten way out of hand, and I am at a crumbling point. For I can't confess what is going on to anyone, not because I don't want to but because of the shame and guilt that I know better and this shouldn't be going on in the first place. Also I know confessing would completely destroy my life with my family and friends. Another problem that I have is knowing her husband. This is man that would snap if he found out and the situation could become very life threatening and I don't know how to deal with this. I know this may sound bad, but I want to get away from the situation and just bury it in the past. As for her I know she would say anything in the fact that her husband would hurt her or her kids, but I feel that if I was to tell her that I completely want to stop what is going on, that she would act weird around people which would raise questions. I feel that in this on and off relationship that I have seemed to make this women feel away that she has never felt, or she has and it is something that she has been missing in her current marriage. I am trying to turn my life around in so many different areas and to find the positive in everything. I don't know what could turn out in this situation and I would just wish it would disappear. This is a negative thing in my life and I can't have that any more. It is extra non needed stress, and I want to be on a path that takes me places. I also feel that confronting this women that she would snap and try to use something against me. I don't want problems and I know that this is just an infatuation, but getting her to realize that is another story. Please give me some advise and don't judge me. I don't like playing things out and I want to make things better. I am a person that is a firm believer in honestly and trust, but as for I can see myself I have lowered my standards and have not fallowed through. I need this to stop once and for all. I know they say that trying to use the we can be friends line is a bunch of bull, but I am desperate to get out of the situation all together. No one else knows what is going on, and I want it to stop. She has in her head that I am going to leave my wife for her and that she is going to leave her husband for me. That is not what I want, nor to be known as a home wrecker or rebound.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Please give me some advise and don't judge me Absolutely not. How disgusting of you to say that. Now, here's my judgement of you: You're a coward. I'm not judging your affair, or all the mistakes you've made. I'm judging you based on you knowing what the right thing to do is, but not being able to do it. You half-heartedly seem to acknowledge and take responsiblity for your mistakes and actions, but immediately after doing so its like your pleading for a magic solution to make it all go away. There's no magic bullet. You have to fully cop to what you've done and start doing the right thing. Quit being afraid of doing the right thing and do the right thing.
Allumere Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 The dead mouse doesnt go away just because you swept it under the rug....it's still there and will really start to stink. There is only one option and that is the truth. Period. You tell this lady "no more" the chances are your wife is going to get a call or she tells her husband some other story and he comes after your anyway. This is going to be long, ugly and painful but it needs to end now. You need to come clean with your wife...and yes, she could leave but as painful as it is she does deserve to know the truth. I would seriously recommend you get into some counseling now, as in right now, ASAP. This will be a long difficult process and you must have someone to talk to about this. They can't solve the problem but they can certainly provide guidance on how to handle different aspects of how it affects you. You aren't evil or the anti-christ but you have made pisspoor, selfish decisions and you need to stop now. You aren't the first, trust me but you do have alot of work that you are going to have to do over the next year or two on yourself and in an effort to salvage any type of relationship with your wife. It still may not work out but be up to the task!
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