Sari Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Just wanted to put it down in writing here, as experience tells me that I may well be feeling awful again, maybe even in a few minutes, but for this moment, I'm feeling good, and want to be able to refer back to this in darker times. I let my ex dangle me around for a month now, repeatedly saying he wanted to come back then changing his mind a day later, completely ruined a Christmas I'm never getting back, haven't eaten, couldn't get up for work, driving around aimlessly, crying and shaking almost non-stop. Suddenly I feel like a mist has cleared and I can see him properly at last. Selfish, spineless commitment-phobe drama queen, self-flagellating over what a despicable person he is whilst continuing his self-indulgent, abusive behaviour towards me. And me being the mug who let him. Ha, I even sent him an email last week saying that I'm here if he wants to try again and wishing him all the best for 2013. Well, f**k that. I ain't waiting around for him to grow up and finish his one-man pity party. 32 years old, ladies and gentlemen, and still living at home with mummy and daddy, rent-free. Never grew up, can't grow up. I can't even feel that angry towards him, he's just a fool. And my mother told me never to kiss a fool. As I just said to myself whilst driving home from work: MY car, MY house, MY job, MY brain, MY heart, I worked hard to get the best I can out of life and I'm not letting this man-child, who doesn't even know his own mind, spoil this for me. I wish you all peace, please let us all know we can get through this. If you are a good person with a true heart, you will always have yourself, and always have love.
Leegh Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Well said. The problem is that sometimes (especially with me), I have fallen in love with guys that I didn't even like or respect yet was "in love" with. Sometimes when I look back at the guys I've liked it's like I was a completely different person then. Hopefully, with the new year upon us, you will meet a great guy, (not saying your previous guy didn't have some good qualities, but it sounds as if you need someone more mature, like yourself). Good Luck
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