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Posted

Well for whatever reason, I went back and looked at some of me and my ex's old Facebook conversations. Pretty dumb I guess, but I actually didn't feel all that bad about it, a sign that maybe I am making some progress. I have come to the point where I realize it really is over for good, and we may not even do as much as talk to each other ever again.

 

I noticed something about those conversations that really confuses me. Back in the beginning of our relationship, I was really short when talking to her and I guess had the appearance that maybe I didn't care about her all that much, even though I did. I don't know why I acted like that, but it worked, because those were the days when she was head over heals in love with me.

 

Fast forward a couple of months later in the relationship and I showed her that I really cared and meant it. This is what eventually lead to our break up, months down the line. She said she felt as though she didn't miss me as much as I missed her (which obviously lead to her losing feelings).

 

My question is, what did I do wrong? I played extremely hard to get through the beginning of our relationship (something I have never done before) and she loved me. Then, after dating for like 6 months, I began to show her how much I cared about her, and it's like she didn't like that. So am I supposed to believe that the only way to keep a girl in the future is to act like I don't care and not tell her how I really think? To me, it just seems like a game. I thought this was the girl that I had forever and she was always going to love me and the game playing was over (I felt like I didn't have to have her chase me anymore). I just don't know what to think.

Posted

The one who cares the least has the most control. As for what you did wrong? Well nothing. You showed that you cared. If she doesn't like that, then that's her problem. Not yours. In that scenario you can't win. You don't care? "You're a jerk!" You do care? "Stop caring about me! I can take care of myself!"

 

It's hard not to play twenty questions when we feel like this. but try your best not to. It's done. It's been done. The only questions you should be asking yourself are "how can I get better?" Asking yourself what you could have done different only makes you feel worse. Do you like feeling worse?

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Posted

Yea I guess it's more of a general question for the future and I'm using that past experience as an example. Not that I completely over her, but I have reached the point where I realize this girl that was basically obsessed with me for 2 years will never feel like that again.

 

It just seems ridiculous really, it's impossible to find a balance. Like you said, if you act like you don't care, you're the bad guy. Then, if you show that you care, (from all of my experiences) they get turned off because they don't have the chase you anymore. To me, there is no happy medium.

 

I mean what was I supposed to do? My ex was upset because I didn't seem committed to her. Then, I showed her how much I cared, and I got dumped. So do I have to just become an a## with every girl I like, in order for her to be attracted to me (playing hard to get). Because that's not me, I care a lot about the people that care about me, and it just seems like one huge game.

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