skylark100 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I met a new girl recently, and she seemed nice. We had been talking for about a month, and I asked her out. She accepted, but then magically got really sick as our date approached, and did not offer to reschedule. I pride myself on honesty and integrity. If I am not interested in a woman, I'll tell her as nicely as possible, and wish her the best, it's only fair for both people! The last girl I dated, canceled twice because she was 'sick'. It's the lamest excuse. Just like saying your dog ate your homework. I let her get away with it...but not again. There are too many flakes out there. Is it even worth calling them out on it?
sid3 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I met a new girl recently, and she seemed nice. We had been talking for about a month, and I asked her out. She accepted, but then magically got really sick as our date approached, and did not offer to reschedule. I pride myself on honesty and integrity. If I am not interested in a woman, I'll tell her as nicely as possible, and wish her the best, it's only fair for both people! The last girl I dated, canceled twice because she was 'sick'. It's the lamest excuse. Just like saying your dog ate your homework. I let her get away with it...but not again. There are too many flakes out there. Is it even worth calling them out on it? While I agree it is a lame excuse, there are times when people actually do get sick.
TheZebra Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Confrontation will only make you seem like the crazy/clingy one. Just tell her that you're open for rescheduling and leave it at that. If she wants to reschedule she will let you know. 1
truth_seeker Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 What if she was really sick? If she were really sick, then she would have offered to reschedule. The no reschedule makes the "I'm really sick" line a lie to get out of it. As for confrontation: Do what the other poster suggested. Let her know you're open to rescheduling your date and leave it a that. I wouldn't confront anyone over something like this. It is what it is. Only confront someone if they're pushing your buttons or playing a game with you. 1
edgygirl Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 If she were really sick, then she would have offered to reschedule. The no reschedule makes the "I'm really sick" line a lie to get out of it. How can she know when the cold or food poisoning (i.e.) will be gone? 1
truth_seeker Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 How can she know when the cold or food poisoning (i.e.) will be gone? Simple: "Hey I'm really sick. I caught this bad bug. We'll have to reschedule when I get over this. I'll be in touch." There. Done. 1
Author skylark100 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 While I agree it is a lame excuse, there are times when people actually do get sick. I totally agree, people get....heck I get sick! But all I'm saying, is that if she was interested, a simple offer to reschedule when she was feeling better would have been nice. That's what I would have done.
sid3 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I totally agree, people get....heck I get sick! But all I'm saying, is that if she was interested, a simple offer to reschedule when she was feeling better would have been nice. That's what I would have done. I agree. Not everyone has the same amount of class. Stay thirsty my friend. 1
edgygirl Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I agree on that for clarity it's nice to offer to eventually reschedule, but sometimes it seems so obvious that there will be a reschedule that you don't have to say it while you're there dying in bed. On the other hand, the guy could have said: oh no problem, let's reschedule soon, feel well. It actually shows if the guy is LTR potential and understanding tbh. I just think you might be making a big deal out of nothing.
Author skylark100 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I agree on that for clarity it's nice to offer to eventually reschedule, but sometimes it seems so obvious that there will be a reschedule that you don't have to say it while you're there dying in bed. On the other hand, the guy could have said: oh no problem, let's reschedule soon, feel well. It actually shows if the guy is LTR potential and understanding tbh. I just think you might be making a big deal out of nothing. Frankly I disagree. I was the one who took the time to suggest a date and plan something for us to enjoy. That shows I was thinking of her and had an interest. Why is the onus on me to suggest a rescheduled time? Having only spoken to the person a few times, and never in an intimate one on one setting, it makes it impossible to know there is an implicit willingness to reschedule on her part. I wish I could read minds, but I can't. You're a tad defensive on this. I understand that she is not interested. That I accept...though I do not accept the method in which she chose to express it, that's all.
sweetkiwi Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 It does suck. She could be lying. She could be sick. At least she's flaking now and not later.
Kylar Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I agree with what some others have said, calling her out serves no point. I tend to deal with a flake by saying well another time then, then a week later ask them when they'll be free next. If they brush that invite off or flake on that invite I just move on.
edgygirl Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I understand why you are p****d that she didn't suggest rescheduling, she should have, but I just think you are taking it too hard. I don't think it means she's not interested. Ok this is my perspective as a woman and if I'm being defensive it's because I am someone who cancels dates often and feels bad about it. Usually it doesn't mean I'm not interested. It's more about me not having slept enough last night and know I'll be grumpy, or being exhausted for some reason, having a particularly bad day, etc. It's not always about the guy. I agree though that the person cancelling should make the other person feel okay about it and propose to reschedule. That's the ideal situation. I am just trying to make you see her side and that you shouldn't be so angry over one cancellation. I have a feeling it's a specially touchy subject as it has happened with the other girl. Sometimes we need patience in dating. I think it would do you good if you didn't take it so seriously. The guy I cancelled last week immediately said: let's reschedule next week, I'll bring you chicken soup. 10 points for him. That's how girls see it, I think
Mrlonelyone Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 It has to be mentioned that a really strong ful epidemic has been burning it's way across the country.
SJC2008 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 They say if the woman's interested she'll offer a reschedule. How many woman operate like this? I mean they're groomed to be pursued so mabye they're uncomfortable doing so? I still say they're flaking if they don't offer a reschedule. Just look at it this way: If you're some really hot/good looking guy, there is NO WAY she's gonna let a little "bug" blow her chances! She'd offer a reschedule or say she still wants to get together. It's passive aggressive behavior that women have been getting away with for a long time. As to whether you call them out or not it's up you and some say you'll look bad/needy. They way I see it is if they're flaking it's already over so it doesn't matter what you do/don't do.
TheZebra Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 They say if the woman's interested she'll offer a reschedule. How many woman operate like this? I mean they're groomed to be pursued so mabye they're uncomfortable doing so? I still say they're flaking if they don't offer a reschedule. Just look at it this way: If you're some really hot/good looking guy, there is NO WAY she's gonna let a little "bug" blow her chances! She'd offer a reschedule or say she still wants to get together. It's passive aggressive behavior that women have been getting away with for a long time. As to whether you call them out or not it's up you and some say you'll look bad/needy. They way I see it is if they're flaking it's already over so it doesn't matter what you do/don't do. Hey man, if I'm interested and am forced to cancel, you can bet I'll reschedule. If it's a really late reschedule (like we're supposed to meet at 7 and I let you know at 650), I'll even offer to buy a drink Then again, my parents taught me to be polite and respect other's time, which many people have not. And honestly, please stop blaming women for showing passive behavior (not just you, everyone). Most women are taught that they're supposed to be pursued or else be labeled desperate/clingy/cat lady. When I first got back into the game I lost count of the number of articles online that said women should NEVER call a guy, or NEVER ask him out, along with many things I found ridiculous. I can understand why some women are overly passive... society teaches them that. I'm not saying it's correct, it is what it is. With books like 'he's just not that into you', some women think that they have to see a man swim through shark infested moats to gauge interest.
Author skylark100 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I understand why you are p****d that she didn't suggest rescheduling, she should have, but I just think you are taking it too hard. I don't think it means she's not interested. Ok this is my perspective as a woman and if I'm being defensive it's because I am someone who cancels dates often and feels bad about it. Usually it doesn't mean I'm not interested. It's more about me not having slept enough last night and know I'll be grumpy, or being exhausted for some reason, having a particularly bad day, etc. It's not always about the guy. I agree though that the person cancelling should make the other person feel okay about it and propose to reschedule. That's the ideal situation. I am just trying to make you see her side and that you shouldn't be so angry over one cancellation. I have a feeling it's a specially touchy subject as it has happened with the other girl. Sometimes we need patience in dating. I think it would do you good if you didn't take it so seriously. The guy I cancelled last week immediately said: let's reschedule next week, I'll bring you chicken soup. 10 points for him. That's how girls see it, I think Yup, you are a 100 percent right, it is a touchy subject, because I put a lot of effort into another woman, and was unceremoniously dumped for no real reason. Except that she probably found someone better, and used the sick excuse so often to cancel, and then miraculously was better the next day. Of course I'm going to be cognizant of the fact of girls cancelling dates now. It an instinctive response to being burned. Oh, I did I try that line with her and got nowhere. (My ex) I haven't heard anything from this girl in 10 days, so it's a safe assumption that she flaked. Out of sight, out of mind , right? Im certainly not happy, but it is life. On to the next. You shouldn't be defensive, you're not dodging a person by lying. Your reasons are entirely different. I don't think you would be overly happy with guy that flaked on you because he didn't have the guts to really tell you he wasn't interested. Oh so there really is a point system? And each gesture has a value? Wowzers...
edgygirl Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yup, you are a 100 percent right, it is a touchy subject, because I put a lot of effort into another woman, and was unceremoniously dumped for no real reason. I haven't heard anything from this girl in 10 days, so it's a safe assumption that she flaked. Out of sight, out of mind , right? Oh...! You didn't tell us it's been 10 days and you haven't heard from her Than it's totally lame that she cancelled and never got back to you even if to say she's not interested. As per carrying the anger from one relationship to the other, be careful with that, I am learning how to let go and not be too hard on a new person for something that someone else did to me. 2
jcrew11 Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Yeah she's sick - as in the thought of going on a date with you "makes her sick, lol" She found someone better or just isn't interested in you. Maybe you didn't create enough attraction. Maybe you have too much self-doubt, and girls hate it when guys become weak and wimpy. Next time, be more bold, aggressive and direct. You win some, you lose some.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 If I plan a date with someone, and she flakes for ANY reason prior, I dont ever call her back. I assume shes not interested, and keep it moving. BUT my attitude is, I dont build up expectations, I just assume they will flake until they dont, then Im never surprised or disappointed. No reason to get excited about someone you dont know. They usually call me back when they dont hear from me, and try again. Then the cycle repeats. Usually when they are interested, they keep texting in between flakes or dates. When they see that I dont need to date them, they usually try to win me over. If I do try to pursue them and initiate a rescheduling, thats when I dont hear from them at all. So I learned to keep it aloof.
jenwon Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I understand why you are p****d that she didn't suggest rescheduling, she should have, but I just think you are taking it too hard. I don't think it means she's not interested. Ok this is my perspective as a woman and if I'm being defensive it's because I am someone who cancels dates often and feels bad about it. Usually it doesn't mean I'm not interested. It's more about me not having slept enough last night and know I'll be grumpy, or being exhausted for some reason, having a particularly bad day, etc. It's not always about the guy. I agree though that the person cancelling should make the other person feel okay about it and propose to reschedule. That's the ideal situation. I am just trying to make you see her side and that you shouldn't be so angry over one cancellation. I have a feeling it's a specially touchy subject as it has happened with the other girl. Sometimes we need patience in dating. I think it would do you good if you didn't take it so seriously. The guy I cancelled last week immediately said: let's reschedule next week, I'll bring you chicken soup. 10 points for him. That's how girls see it, I think If someone flakes on you, NEXT them. Not worth the trouble IMHO. In my experience if someone was really interested they'll resched. There are too many people out there to be patient with anyone that doesnt respect you're time.
PhillyDude Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I met a new girl recently, and she seemed nice. We had been talking for about a month, and I asked her out. She accepted, but then magically got really sick as our date approached, and did not offer to reschedule. I pride myself on honesty and integrity. If I am not interested in a woman, I'll tell her as nicely as possible, and wish her the best, it's only fair for both people! The last girl I dated, canceled twice because she was 'sick'. It's the lamest excuse. Just like saying your dog ate your homework. I let her get away with it...but not again. There are too many flakes out there. Is it even worth calling them out on it? Sick and Family Emergency are the most popular cancellation excuses
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