sweetkiwi Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Take it from me man, this stuff doesn't matter. Let it go If you really are devoted to her. I have been on both sides of this coin and it never ended well. 1
darkmoon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Thank you darkmoon, yes, I'm am extremely devoted to her. I would never want to hurt her in any way. She is very loving towards me in all other regards, I don't question anything else, but it is distressing that she would rather keep thing stuff when she knows it bothers me. look, it crossed my mind that she's, in her mind, lightly teasing you due to her own insecurity - thinking if he puts up with this, he must really love me, he gets jealous perhaps she's young never known the pain of love and just sees you jealous, sees it but doesn't know how awful it feels she must read about jealousy, i'm sure there's stuff on-line, so she'll know, it is painful and debilitating, but only sensitive ppl know this. 1
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I am definitely sensitive. She is sensitive too, but I guess I may be more sensitive than her. She is 33 and I am 29. I don't necessarily think that she is playing any games regarding this, but I also don't understand why she would put me through dealing with this. I tell her I love her and how beautiful I think she is everyday, so I don't think she would be using this as a means to feel good from my jealousy.
Million.to.1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 @ million so she can re-gain condfidence, just dress up, go out and see who fancies her, no need to live in the past that's the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. i don't receive an emotional boast from tarting myself up and hanging around in bars while guys i don't know swoon over my cleavage and try and chat me cause they'd like to f@#k me. Reading through a heartfelt letter from someone i knew, loved and was loved by feeds my soul, not just my ego. And like i said.. it's only relevant when i'm single and feeling alone. And it's not "living in the past" - it's like looking through a photo album. it's just time to contemplate the past and remember good times. 1
darkmoon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I am definitely sensitive. She is sensitive too, but I guess I may be more sensitive than her. She is 33 and I am 29. I don't necessarily think that she is playing any games regarding this, but I also don't understand why she would put me through dealing with this. I tell her I love her and how beautiful I think she is everyday, so I don't think she would be using this as a means to feel good from my jealousy. okay - and what does she say to you?
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 She had a picture of her with this guy and his friend that was on facebook for a while. She made a fuss at first when I confronted her about deleting it saying that there was nothing that went on at that time of the picture, and that it was more of a "business" picture since she took it at her last gig in that country. Yet, the picture was in a dressing room or something, so it's not like anyone could tell it was a gig related picture. She finally took that off the last time I talked to her about this like 6 months ago.
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 okay - and what does she say to you? She says thank you and compliments me all the time too.
darkmoon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 when is she romantic, I meant, does she tell you she loves you? (I was going to delete the infernal things, myself if you don't )
clia Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Your girlfriend isn't doing this to hurt you or disrespect you. This has nothing to do with you. In fact, it is none of your business what she wants to keep in her "memory box." You are being really silly. Go back and read Million.to.1's posts. He/she and others in this thread have tried to explain to you why these memories are likely important and sentimental to your girlfriend, but instead of listening you are solely focused on your own insecurities regarding the situation. Again, it has nothing to do with you. 2
Million.to.1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I don't necessarily think that she is playing any games regarding this, but I also don't understand why she would put me through dealing with this. She is not "putting" you through anything. You are putting yourself there. Take some responsibility for your own feelings. No one can "make" you feel anything. You choose how you react to the world, to other people and their actions. Stop blaming and look within. The solution to this lies within you, not with her throwing something away. 1
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 when is she romantic, I meant, does she tell you she loves you? (I was going to delete the infernal things, myself if you don't ) Yes, and I do the same to her.
sweetkiwi Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 You're 29? I thought people figured this jealousy crap out long before then. Shoot I thought I was behind the times at 25. Jealousy is an ugly ugly thing. And after my last hyper jealous relationship ended I vowed to never be in another like it again. If/when you have a relationship where jealousy isn't an issue, that's when this will make sense to you. Until then, try to keep your crazy to a minimum. 1
Million.to.1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Your girlfriend isn't doing this to hurt you or disrespect you. This has nothing to do with you. In fact, it is none of your business what she wants to keep in her "memory box." You are being really silly. Go back and read Million.to.1's posts. He/she and others in this thread have tried to explain to you why these memories are likely important and sentimental to your girlfriend, but instead of listening you are solely focused on your own insecurities regarding the situation. Again, it has nothing to do with you. I want to like this a million times. 1
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 She is not "putting" you through anything. You are putting yourself there. Take some responsibility for your own feelings. No one can "make" you feel anything. You choose how you react to the world, to other people and their actions. Stop blaming and look within. The solution to this lies within you, not with her throwing something away. The act of her keeping something intimate that is with someone else, is again, hurtful to me especially after I expressed my feelings on it.
darkmoon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yes, and I do the same to her. well, then you've reached a stalemate, but she loves you too, i'll never understand looking back, except now and again fleetingly, there's the future... i'd still stick an ex up on facebook jus as an example of how living like this feels, maybe then she'll understand you having an ex's ghost in your life when you're in love is nice is it?
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 While I get your point, I wouldn't do that for a few reasons. 1. I don't have any stuff from old relationships or anything like that because I don't save stuff. I get rid of anything from the past the might be offensive to someone that I love. 2. Doing that would be pretty vindictive. I'm not like that and I don't want to play games.
Million.to.1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 She had a picture of her with this guy and his friend that was on facebook for a while. She made a fuss at first when I confronted her about deleting it saying that there was nothing that went on at that time of the picture, and that it was more of a "business" picture since she took it at her last gig in that country. Yet, the picture was in a dressing room or something, so it's not like anyone could tell it was a gig related picture. She finally took that off the last time I talked to her about this like 6 months ago. MY GOD. You made her delete a picture from facebook? Dude. You are insecure and frankly, pathetic. My ex had 100's of photos of him and his ex on facebook. I wouldn't DREAM of making anyone delete a huge part of their life just because They were "in the past" That just screams desperation. I'm done with this thread. Clearly you only came here to get support justifying your jealousies and insecurities, not to solve the problem. 1
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I am open to hearing your opinion and to get another view, but it won't necessarily change mine. That is just disgusting that your boyfriend had 100's of photos of an ex on facebook. A part of the reason why my situation bothers me is because this guy was somewhat in the picture when I met my girlfriend. I don't think that is right.
darkmoon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 While I get your point, I wouldn't do that for a few reasons. 1. I don't have any stuff from old relationships or anything like that because I don't save stuff. I get rid of anything from the past the might be offensive to someone that I love. 2. Doing that would be pretty vindictive. I'm not like that and I don't want to play games. what advice would you give a friend who came to you with the same problem?
clia Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 The act of her keeping something intimate that is with someone else, is again, hurtful to me especially after I expressed my feelings on it. She's 33 years old. She's had sex with other men and she's told other men she loves them. Chances are, she's felt deeply in love with some of these other men. Maybe she even though she might marry one or more of them. She had great times with these other men. Fun and all that. All of this happened before she ever met you. None of it changes or has any bearing on how she feels about you right now. You cannot erase the past. That is what you seem to be trying to do. What right do you -- as someone who has been in her life for 18 short months -- have to dictate what pictures from her past she is allowed to post on Facebook and what e-mails she is allowed to keep in her Inbox? Somehow I don't think she is sitting around reading these e-mails every day and dreaming about the other guy. In fact, she seems to be pretty understanding about your insecurities -- certainly more understanding than I would be. Why are you feeling so hurt and disrespected about e-mails sitting in an inbox that she likely never reads? Did it ever occur to you that someday when she's 70 years old she might like to think about her youth and reread some of those e-mails? You may not be a sentimental person, but she obviously is. Why can't you accept that? Why can't you think about her perspective instead of solely focusing on your own? 1
TheZebra Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Million to one has made wonderful points about all of this and I advise you listen to them. Keeping memories is NOT the same as wanting that person back. I'm completely over ALL of my exes. Not one ounce of feeling for any of them. However, if you go to my Facebook, you'll still see plenty of pictures of me and them together. So why do I keep these pictures? Because they're reminders of fun things I did in the past. When I look at those pictures I'm not thinking 'oh I wish we were still together', no, the only thing I'm thinking is 'I can't believe we managed to stand on that surfboard for so long' or whatever else the picture was depicting. That person was a part of my life, and I'm not going to delete them from it because a relationship didn't work out. I also still have and wear some jewelry my ex gave me. Is it because I think of him whenever I wear it? No! It's because it was expensive and looks good on me. Sometimes women ARE simple creatures 1
Million.to.1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 That is just disgusting that your boyfriend had 100's of photos of an ex on facebook. Why? They were together for 2.5 years and traveled alot together. And they are still friends. I was with him for 8 months and there is only 5-6 photos of us on Facebook together. I don't really care about it.. it's facebook. Not reality. Can't you see that you are expecting everyone else to share your values?? 1
darkmoon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 @marc what advice would you give a friend who came to you with the same problem?
KungFuJoe Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I came across some of my wife's "memorabilia" a LONG time ago when we were first together and she moved in with me. Nothing crazy or anything like that...just some pictures and love letters, etc. She completely forgot she even still had it. I remember not exactly LIKING it...but I was more or less "meh" about it. I never asked her to trash anything...but she did do it of her own accord. This scenario doesn't have a right or wrong answer. Op DOES sound a bit jealous, but on the other hand, if I knew that my wife still had saved sexually related emails between her and some guy...yeah...I'm not gonna lie...I'd probably want her to get rid of them. On further thought, I guess I would say I would WANT the sexual stuff GONE. Pics of a neutral nature, I would have no problem with. But, I think, for me, anything that ventures into the "sex" area, I would probably be bothered by. 2
Author marcjb Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 She said to me that she never reads them. Why would she need to save them if this is the case? What is the point in hoarding anything when you don't actually use it? I plan on being with her when she's 70's and even then I think it would be wrong for someone to read such emails when they're that old when they're with someone else. It would be as if the current person doesn't provide everything the other person desires.
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