nandengo Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) Appreciate anyone's opinions on what I should do here. It has been more than 7 years since I've dated because I got divorced about two years ago so I'm kind of unsure of what actions to take. I offered to give my girlfriend space a couple days ago because she was giving me the silent treatment via text for 2-3 days. We had a good time together over New Year's but I think I may have been smothering her too much recently. We've been together a little over a year and work together, though in different locations. Her job situation changed about a month ago and she is in a difficult position now where a lot of work is being dumped on her, the environment itself is busier than she was used to, and her commute is much longer than before. I have tried to be supportive over this period as much as possible but she is not really the type of person to ask for help and has a very genuine character in which she tries to please other people as much as she can. I believe that includes trying not to complain too much to me because she knows I have my own stress. I think this is just woman stuff more than anything cultural as well but regardless something told me I needed to take a step back and not push her too hard right now. Normally we text each other often, several times a day or more, and I've really got used to constantly having each other's ear, so recently I was surprised when the frequency took a dive. A couple of times she said she was tired and just didn't want to think about anything but I think I didn't really respond properly by trying to offer future plans for us to look forward to or things of that nature. So I asked her what she needs me to do, and she said to not text her for awhile until she feels better. She said she's too stressed at work right now and really needs time to herself. She said she feels so selfish all the time and I took that to mean she couldn't ask me for space directly. I asked if she didn't even want a good night or check-in text or anything and she said it sounded like she was a horrible person. I told her everyone handles stress differently, it wasn't selfish and that I'd do anything I could to help her, even this. I'm 30, and she's 25 so I know part of this is her lack of life experience with this kind of stress. Other than this, things are usually pretty good. She has occasional difficulty around her time of month, but my mother always has too so that's nothing unusual! We have many similar values, make each other laugh consistently, and have been able to navigate some difficult stuff like her ex owing her quite a bit of money from bills he stiffed her with when he left the country. I guess my question is how long to give her? Is it OK to send a message now and then giving her a compliment or something like that? Or do I just honor her request straight away not to send her anything at all till she talks to me first? Any opinions from other ladies out there would be particularly helpful. Edited January 7, 2013 by nandengo
Balzac Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 How long have you two been in this relationship? Is this her first Big Girl Career Job? Welcome to LS.
Author nandengo Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Just a little over a year. This is her first full time job after college yes - she's been on board about a year and a half now.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Being one whole year into a relationship you are already more successful with this than most of the people who will give you advice including me. Giving her some time and space without you may be a good thing. Give her a week or of not texting unless she initiates then try texting her again. I assume you also interact in real life face to face. That's the true test, and how you interact in that situation will dictate your relationship.
FitChick Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 When I am stressed I often feel that dealing with another person just adds to the stress. Wait for her to contact you. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Holy yapo-dapos! I have an ex who is just like what you describe. Yes, there are those who need to be left alone to work things out for themselves. They want support, but under their terms, terms that work for them. This is not uncommon. Some people just need the time for themselves before coming back out to ask for support, etc. It used to frustrate me, but once I got to know her....all good.
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