MrHX Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 So my ex and I broke up a month ago. We were together for almost five years. During this period of time after the break up, we were in a state of emotional tension and kept talking to each other. I tried no contact, against my better judgement I followed her lead and kept communicating. I know there is another guy in the picture and it was very clear since we broke up. Despite this, she kept contact and we met up a couple of times. She even hinted at the prospect of getting back together since, "the heart wants what it wants". It all came to a point a couple weeks ago when I found out she had a trip to visit the guy over the weekend. At this point, I gave her an ultimatum to choose between me and the other guy. She said she was testing me to see if I could give her the affection the other guy was showing her. During this conversation, she said she was going to give the other guy a chance. She basically said what I have done was a too little, too late. At that point, I said I was going to go no-contact. But, I failed again. She ended up calling me New Year's day to reconnect and we chatted for a few hours. We continued to talk throughout the week until one day I did not respond to her text messages/calls because honestly, I was tired of playing these games. She calls me and we almost have another emotional conversation but we quickly cut it off. I reach out, thinking that I wanted to put this to rest once and for all. I asked her to meet up if she wanted to continue the conversation. We actually had a nice lunch. We didn't bring up our previous conversation and just had a good time. She even stopped by my apartment and we chatted for a bit. Later that day, she called me and we chatted again. (I know, I'm an idiot at this point per any reccomendations given on this forum. This is my first long term relationship break up and I'm learning the hard way.) She invited me to hang out with mutual friends last night. She actually pleaded with me to go. Now, today she wants to hang out once again and plans to meet me after work. Here's the kicker, I know her trip to visit the other guy is coming up this weekend. What is she trying to do at this point? Is she trying to get me connected with people so that she doesn't feel guilty? Is she trying to give us a chance before this weekend trip? I know I've dug myself into something which will be painful, but I'm at a loss on what to think at this point
WhatYouWantToHear Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 What is she trying to do at this point? Is she trying to get me connected with people so that she doesn't feel guilty? Is she trying to give us a chance before this weekend trip? Who cares? Her actions are out of your control. Her thoughts are out of your control and unknowable. Quit asking questions about her and start asking questions about yourself: How do I become a stronger person? What will make me a happy person 2 months from now? Why am I letting this affect me? 1
Chi townD Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) Dude, she planning a weekend trip away with another man. That's all you should need to end things once and for all. Have some self respect and pride, man!!! Do you think she's going to get a hotel room and staying by herself and only meeting up with him during the day? If you believe that, then I have some ocean front property to you in the middle of the Mojave Desert. She going to be intimate with this person in some shape or form. So, why is she doing all this stuff with you before she leaves? To ease her guilt and make it seem like she can really be a good friend to you! So, she doesn't seem like she's a really bad person! But, lets be honest, you said to her it's either him or me and she told you that she wants to give HIM a chance. BUT! She wants things good with you because if this other guy doesn't work out, she has you as a backup plan. If she contacts you again before she leaves, I would just say, "Look, if you leave to meet up with this guy, you leave my life for good. I never want to see or hear from you again. It shows me that you made your choice and I wasn't it. It shows me that you value a guy several hundreds of miles away rather than the guy standing right in front of you. If you leave for this guy, I need to move on with my life." Stay NC right now. If she doesn't before the trip, then continue NC after. It should be done. Her actions should clue you in. You are not her second choice and you are no one's second best. Plus, How could you ever look at her again after you know that she was just intimate with someone else. You should be disguested with her after that. Edited January 7, 2013 by Chi townD 2
mutant Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Dude if she has chosen someone else over you the only wise thing to do is to let her be. She's probably going to f.u.c.k this guy over the weekend as you wallow in pain in your apartment. Are you seriously waiting for her to "choose you" after she has been out banging this guys? What happened to being a man? How about keeping your pride and dignity? You have to look at the situation as it is today and move on instead of waiting for her to come back to you. Stop living in the past! This girl was probably seeing this dude before you brokeup. Is this the kind of girl you want? Even if she came back would you trust her? It's time you man up and go NC without regret. You have also been using NC as a tool to get her back which is a weak logic. You should use NC only when you have decided it's time to move on and you want nothing to do with your ex. NC entails cutting all ties including social media and requires you to ignore all her attempts to contact you. This is not easy but you have to hang on till you are truly healed. My ex who i was with for 4 years dumped me for another guy and guess what? i have gone NC for 1 month without regret i even ignored her Xmas wishes. Bottom line, there are no two ways around this. you need to man the f.u.c.k up and move on indefinitely.
mutant Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Dude if she has chosen someone else over you the only wise thing to do is to let her be. She's probably going to f.u.c.k this guy over the weekend as you wallow in pain in your apartment. Are you seriously waiting for her to "choose you" after she has been out banging this guys? What happened to being a man? How about keeping your pride and dignity? You have to look at the situation as it is today and move on instead of waiting for her to come back to you. Stop living in the past! This girl was probably seeing this dude before you brokeup. Is this the kind of girl you want? Even if she came back would you trust her? It's time you man up and go NC without regret. You have also been using NC as a tool to get her back which is a weak logic. You should use NC only when you have decided it's time to move on and you want nothing to do with your ex. NC entails cutting all ties including social media and requires you to ignore all her attempts to contact you. This is not easy but you have to hang on till you are truly healed. My ex who i was with for 4 years dumped me for another guy and guess what? i have gone NC for 1 month without regret i even ignored her Xmas wishes. Bottom line, there are no two ways around this. you need to man the f.u.c.k up and move on indefinitely.
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