118unknown Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 OK. Lets start off with telling you abit about myself, Im a student and hoping to go university next year and in terms of past relationships Ive never really took it seriously. Ive always just thought of it as fun and messed around and did it for the experience - But recently I let my guards down and fell incredibly hard for this girl... She's currently back from university after finishing first semester. But she's currently at first year of university and it takes around 2/3hours for me to reach her from where I live. I started seeing her a month before she was about to head off to university. It was all very unexpected, but we got on extremely well very quickly, which might be due to the fact that we both could share things that we wouldnt with our friends due to culture difference. We started seeing each other more and more and I took her on more and more dates but nothing was official. We started kissing, handing hands and eventually a week before she was about to head off to university I slept with her. We had the talk a day later as she wanted to know where she stands and I agreed on we wont do it again. But she still wanted to see me before she went off to university - Two days before we was about to go off - I took her star gazing and little did I know it, we just couldnt get our hands off each other and we slept together again. We didnt talk about afterwards. Then as time came by, she went off to university - before she went I gave her a CD (I like making CDs lol. how sad... but told her not to play it till her birthday) we hugged and kissed goodbye. A couple of weeks later on her birthday, (note: we still maintained contact with one another) she phones me up at 4am crying down the phone and telling me "what have you done to me, I dont even know why I'm crying.... I miss you so much." So I decided to pay her a visit in a couple of weeks. I went over and she showed me off to her flatmates and we slept together. From then, I realised I miss her extremely much too but at the time I didnt know if I was in love with her or not. But I think for her, she did kiss me a lot and told me "she loves me alot". A couple of days later, we had the talk - She said "you do know I'm attached to you now right....?" and I REALLY regretfully and bluntly said "No..." and we mutually ended it as I believed that even though I cared for her that much, I didnt want to tie her down at university and wanted her to enjoy a full single university student life" But she still wanted to remain friends. A week later, we were talking and somehow the conversation escalated to us both agreeing to go Paris..... it was quite late at night but we got the flights and accommodation all booked and payed for... she payed for it upfront, but I obviously payed her back first thing the next morning. At the time, I just didnt know what was going on? I was so confused as we broke up.... but didnt think much of it as it was not till another 3months till we go (february). We kept in contact and we began to talk to one another more and more like we were seeing each other again. Wait. the story is more complicated than you think. During all this was happening, a guy in her class which they spend all time together, they have the same classes etc. Poured his heart out for her and said he wanted to be with her, he loves her, etc. And yes, she told me all this, but I just didn't make much of it as she's clever enough to know you shouldn't have a relationship with someone so close to you at university and if you break up everything will become awkward. Like sleeping with someone in your halls. She told me she didnt see him that way... and I trusted her, he kept on bugging her to go on a date with him being very pushy. So i reassured her and told her to go on a date with him, is nothing much if you dont see him that way. So they went on a date bla bla bla bla, they kissed at the end very awkwardly but I still didnt make anything of it even though the thought of it hurts - i still wanted her to enjoy university. As we weren't really official. But now they've cleared things up that they cant be together given their circumstances but he still have deep feelings for her. And she very close friends with him, shes even once invited him back - not done anything but 'drunkenly kissed' - I must admit. It hurt hearing it, but again, I didn't make anything of it and trusted her to make the right decisions as she wasnt officially my girlfriend. Anyway, after the Paris booking incident we kept in contact for a few weeks before she came back and I picked her up from the train station. The feeling was some what weird.... like im not too sure. A good feeling. But just weird seeing her in face-to-face again. I didn't make much of it and just continued to holding hands, kissing etc. As if the break up didnt happen. A few days later, I decided I wanted to ask her out as I am going to Paris with her right? the city of Romance and for couples - I just thought I would make the first move and ask her out. Little did I know when I said, "I really like you, we should give it a try" She gave me a response I would not ever of even dreamt of: "....I think we should go to Paris as friends...." "...You need to move on.... and Replace me...." "I love you... I really really do.... and I miss you.... but if we have a long distance relationship, and if it gets complicated... and we broke up... I cant lose you. I really cant lose you..." Right then: I was absolutely speechless and I was just like WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON - i was extremely confused, angry, hurt? I couldnt describe the feeling but the feeling of rejection and her telling me she loves me but she cant be with me confused the hell out of me. Also, the fact she says you should move on; what if I did? if so, do you think is ok for my gf to let me to go paris with you? where we're staying in a double bed??!! I was just absolutely speechless.... A couple of days later, I was extremely hurt... but I played it cool and talked to her and agreed on being friends. I didnt say much afterwards. However, a few days later just before christmas i decided to go over and give her the xmas present I got for her (note: I got this before i decided to ask her out - so i thought i cant waste my effort so decided to give it to her anyway - and said to her not to make much of it) She broke down in tears! and said no one has ever been so nice to me.... little did we know it we were kissing again. There was moments of hesitations from her but I know she still loves me so I guess she let me continue. Before things heated up, we had the talk again.... I explained to her that i understand that "timing is terribly and that distance is not good either" but why not make the most of it? while we still can. We're young and we can afford to make naive decisions, we can look back at it in the future and say at least we gave it a try and knowing we did give it a go rather than I regret not doing so. I then asked her "do you love me?" and she replied "I cant help it..." and I know she does! before anything thing could happen I decided it was time to go, and I left her with a big long hug and a kiss on the lips. Later that night we spoke normally and she told me: "I love you" note that this girl is sentimental, and is one of those 'long term' relationship girl, shes classy and is a real keeper! haha, I do honestly have fallen for her... But everything is just so confusing? A week ago I met up with her again, but she seemed very closed... we talked, we laugh, I tried holding her hands but she just seemed really far away... I tried kissing her and she didnt respond as I dropped her home. Right now, I have to concentrate on my exams and not really think too much about this but I CANT?! I cant get this out of my head, its effecting me.... and yes Ive told her "she is a distraction to me" and she is.... I really have deep feelings for her to a point where I can't concentrate... We still talk but should I ignore her? till I finish my exams? Should I cancel the trip to Paris and move on? Should I keep trying to get her back? She heading back to university next week - should I say goodbye to her at the train station? If so what should i do>? Im just really really confused at the moment, any feedback thats relevant and helpful will be very much appreciated.
rupert-hill Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Maybe you should just ask her to be your girlfriend. She said at one point that she can't ever lose you and she's afraid that there might be a break up. I don't understand why she thinks there will be a break up if you two keep getting back together. She doesn't want to lose the friendship or friend with benefits relationship. It almost sounds as though she doesn't know what she wants right now. She confided in you the way a friend does (telling you all about her dating with another man with details). Another thought is that you may have fallen into the friend zone. If you don't want to be just a friend, then don't ask her about who she's dating or having sex with. Getting out of the friend zone is tricky. You can try occasionally bringing up romantic topics into conversations or talk about celebrities who are dating. Maybe bring up topics about people who've had successful long distance relationships. You certainly could maintain the Paris plans and see how it goes. Maybe go with no expectations. If things heat up, then propose a relationship with her. If she is worried about something concerning a long distance relationship, you can assure her that there's nothing to worry about.
Author 118unknown Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Maybe you should just ask her to be your girlfriend. She said at one point that she can't ever lose you and she's afraid that there might be a break up. I don't understand why she thinks there will be a break up if you two keep getting back together. She doesn't want to lose the friendship or friend with benefits relationship. It almost sounds as though she doesn't know what she wants right now. She confided in you the way a friend does (telling you all about her dating with another man with details). Another thought is that you may have fallen into the friend zone. If you don't want to be just a friend, then don't ask her about who she's dating or having sex with. Getting out of the friend zone is tricky. You can try occasionally bringing up romantic topics into conversations or talk about celebrities who are dating. Maybe bring up topics about people who've had successful long distance relationships. You certainly could maintain the Paris plans and see how it goes. Maybe go with no expectations. If things heat up, then propose a relationship with her. If she is worried about something concerning a long distance relationship, you can assure her that there's nothing to worry about. Yeah I did try to ask her out. That was when she said no, I cant lose you if we break up, because I love you too much to lose you. (When I was there like WTF?) I dont ask her about any guy, she just brings them up - like I said, she talk about everything to me for some reason. I mean I dont mind as its not awkward or anything - I bring up girls as well. And thank you for the great advice on Paris! I think thats very important that I go with no expectations. Thank you for that
rupert-hill Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) While in Paris with her, if she rejects a relationship with you. You can just simply ask her what type of friendship she wants with you. Maybe she wants NSA (no strings attached), friends with benefits. It's a good idea to know what she wants, that way you'll know where you stand. I see, she tells you about the boys she sleeps with because you're trustworthy. Ask her why she thinks you and she will break up if you're her boyfriend. Edited January 8, 2013 by rupert-hill
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