almosteverythingx Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 in terms of text messages and so on? Q.I hear so many of you saying it and I get the gist but any chance you could give me some examples? I feel so dumb asking, but I feel my ex has been giving me bread crumbs quite a lot recently? I have just stood my ground. Q. Do you think bread crumbs can be another way of 'testing the waters' or are they just a way of your ex knowing you will stick around as a second option?
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 In general, breadcrumbs are when an ex reaches out to you, but they aren't flat out saying they want you back. Usually, you want them back, so try to read into what they are "really" saying. It might be something as simple as "hey you, hope you've been well". That comment would send some people reeling! What do they mean?! They're thinking about me... They must want me back! Right?? ... Wrong! If you are someone who wants your ex back but are maintaining NC, any kind comment from them should be considered a breadcrumb and not an intention to get back together. Only if they flat out say "I miss you, I love you and I want you back" should you even consider replying. Anything else is compromising your well being. Of course each situation is different, but you will read on here about people being strung along and likely dumped again. Acknowledging breadcrumbs is a good way to avoid that. 2
Treasa Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 It's not a ridiculous question at all. Breadcrumbs are when (usually) the dumper will contact the other person with things like, "Hey, I just wanted to see how you're doing," "I miss you," "I was thinking about you today," etc. They're normally meant to see if they still "have" you. If so, they'll generally go back to ignoring you because they know you aren't going anywhere. The moment they sense you're starting to move on, though...more breadcrumbs. Unless they actually come out and say, "I made a huge mistake, I'm really sorry, I want to try again, please accept and discuss this with me," it's best to ignore them. 1
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Also, each situation is different. Yes, breadcrumbs can be a way to test the waters and reopen communication. But, keep in mind that a confused flip floppy ex is just as dangerous to you as one who is deliberately trying to be manipulative. Always ask yourself what you want first and then determine if what they are saying (what they are actually saying, not what you're interpreting) is matching up with what you want. If you want them back, do not be sucked in by anything less than those words.
shahjahan Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Is getting invited home for dinner (alone) by a (recent) ex boyfriend breadcrumbs or something more straightforward? I have declined (I'm busy) and said maybe later....
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 And what if I don't want my ex back or I'm not sure? Should I go ahead and reply to the breadcrumbs? She dumped me 2 years ago because I didn't want to move in with her & get engaged. Since then I get a text or a call like once every 6-8 weeks. Sometimes I respond and sometimes I don't. I'm not sure I want her back even if the door was open. Why aren't you sure? Why didn't you want to move in and get engaged? Is getting invited home for dinner (alone) by a (recent) ex boyfriend breadcrumbs or something more straightforward? I have declined (I'm busy) and said maybe later.... Need more details. Who broke it off and how long ago? Was it a bad breakup?
shahjahan Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Why aren't you sure? Why didn't you want to move in and get engaged? Need more details. Who broke it off and how long ago? Was it a bad breakup? ScienceGal, the full story is herehttp://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/361821-breakup-over-religion. To make it short: he broke up, about two months ago, on "rational", "incompatibility" grounds (he's religious, I'm not, he's conservative, I'm not, he wants many kinds, I don't...). After a while of back-and-forth and a few more conversations, I went NC, steadily, for a month. And now... this invitation. I don't really know what can be on his mind, given that he must know very well, how unpleasant it would be for me to be company at his place... where we used to spend so much time together as a couple, and not long ago, for that matter. This is why I do not think it's about a friendly chit-chat, or, if it is... then he must be the most naive guy on Earth. To make things clear: we didn't split up BADLY, no hard words, but on our last meeting I made it pretty clear that I need NC. And I consequently stuck to it.
ScienceGal Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Well, your previous meetings were just friendly, with no talks of reconciliation. It seems like he might just being the "nice guy" you described him as. He might want to keep on touch so he doesn't feel he's really lost you. He didn't stop loving you, but there were tough differences. I can't imagine being with someone who is a strict Catholic (as I am not religious). I respect everyone's faith and think spirituality is important. But, what about differences in core beliefs? I left a 2 year relationship when I found out he didn't think same sex couples should be married because it is against God's will. He then commented how he wanted to reintroduce God into his life. And then to add political differences on top of it. I don't know how you'd maintain balance and peace.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 (edited) No way some of you previous posters. "Bread crumbs" in the technology sphere like the net and forums are cues that try to lead a new person to you to see if they are interested. The person I got all hot and bothered about here last year admitted to leaving a bread crumb trail to her for me when I asked her. It's a very positive and sweet thing if it works out. I first got on to forum life in 2005 and had an instant bread crumb experience that was so compelling. I just had to know who this girl was and what she was like. It's little tiny notes--just a word or figure of speech nested in a post but and I have done it twice now and didn't plan either one and both were great while it lasted. I fell into bread-crumbing FL too for probably a month before I just was sure something was going on between us because our posts are or were often so long and winding that the opportunity to tribute each other in slight ways happened a lot. It's analogous to a "bread crumb trail" from the story of "Hansel and Gretel". Bright people who are attracted to each other--even if it's just words and thoughts on a forum with no pictures or direct PMs--respond by this gentle luring. It gets you crazy in a good way when it starts happening. Luv it. Er, "luv(ed) it. Hope it happens again with someone. Edited January 8, 2013 by Feelin Frisky
ScienceGal Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 On LS, I've only seen bread crumbs referred to in regard to exes. Anything other than "I messed up, I love you and I want you back" is considered a bread crumb. What you're describing in terms of meeting someone new sounds much nicer.
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