Swe3tAngel Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I need advice ASAP I'm seeing this guy... it's been about a week we met. He is a saggitarious. 27 years old. I met him in a dating site. From the very moment we started talking, he was funny, straight forward, down to earth and easy to get along with. I felt a connection and he gave me his phone number and told me to text him and so after about 30 minutes of thinking about it I took his offer. We started talking and just getting along fine because he's funny, charming, outspoken, and real. (or I hope he is) .. he is so open minded that I wonder if he's that confident and real or if it's because he doesn't take me seriously and doesn't care what I think.. he's not rude or disrespectful, but he is really open about sexual things and has a lot of opinion about everything (none harmful but can be awkward and puts me on the spot) ..we met twice and first time, we talked and stuff and he already started talking about intimacy and basically told me all his life (true or not i dont know but he openly told me his ex cheated on him and how comfortable he is with his sexuality etc etc) Second time we met, he kissed me and I liked it, I didn't mind but he was trying to touch me and if I had let him, he would do just about anything then and there but of course I stopped at just kissing (a lot of kissing lol) he told me he doesnt believe in marriages as he thinks a boyfriend can make same promises to his girlfriend as a husband to his wife and as long as he's real he doesnt see the difference and finds marriage unnecessary which I found a bit off.. he took me to a bar, we were sitting outside and hanging out. He got 4 beers total for us and we drank and stuff and at one point he mentioned how we are going to have "sex" and I'm going to love it bla bla bla, and then hen mentioned how it's going to be in 1 week, or 2 and started laughing around and I was wondering if he was joking or being serious but I told him it wouldn't happen that fast and I don't want to rush things. He asked if I was unsure about his intentions, that's why I didn't want to rush and I told him that I'd want to be sure about someone and have feelings before doing anything intimate and he kind of stopped for a bit. I noticed he has a sour sense of humour which I don't mind since I know he means no harm and he openly told me that he does have that tendency. When the time came to close the tab, his card got declined and I offered to pay and he said ok. then when we left, he said apparently the card company put a stop for fraud protection since he used his card earlier in a different location. I kind of felt bad, but I was stuck between feeling bad and feeling like it was planned and he just did that so he didn't have to pay for me and that I wasn't worth it. He asked how much it was and I just told him not to worry about it but he texted saying how bad he felt and I told him he could make up for it later if that would make him feel better and he said he would make up for it. Before we left, he also asked me to go back to his place for a beer to make it up and I refused because again, I didn't know if he wanted to take me so he could try to see if I'd sleep with him, or if he was being nice and feeling terrible for what happened... my worry is, does this seem normal? or are there red flags.. I'm really attracted to him and I don't want to get deeper and get hurt. I don't know if I should continue this or if it's enough for me to stop? how can I know anyway?
sillyanswer Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 He is a saggitarious. my worry is, does this seem normal? A guy wants to escalate things faster than a girl? Yes, I'm pretty sure that's normal. or are there red flags.. Thinking his star sign is important was the first one I spotted. Tell him to bring cash next time.
clia Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 There are a thousand red flags waving around. He's known you a week and is constantly talking about sex, including sex with you. He told you he doesn't believe in marriage. He can't pay for four beers. He had no other credit card? He didn't have $20 in his pocket? Run, don't walk. 1
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 There are a thousand red flags waving around. He's known you a week and is constantly talking about sex, including sex with you. He told you he doesn't believe in marriage. He can't pay for four beers. He had no other credit card? He didn't have $20 in his pocket? Run, don't walk. he was like 'you're going to make me wait huh' and i was like duh obviously.. he was like its ok, bla bla.. and he kept saying 'trust me, im not gna hurt you, if i was only after sex, id pressure u to it' .. but he was kissing my hand, and holding me, callng me beautiful etc etc.. idk if that was part of the trick or to make me feel safer, or idk.. he was like im gna call the credit card company and yell at them for having done that bla bla.. im gna take you to dinner on friday, make it up etc etc.. idk.. im stuck because... if i RUN and turn out to be wrong, its gna suck cuz i do like him and crzy attracted... and if i stay and turns out to be wrong, then im gna feel bad again.. how can i test it?? im not gna sleep with him obviously, not for a long long long long time.. but how can i test to see if real or just wants to really get laid
sid3 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Sounds like a loser to me. Like the other posters have pointed out, there's a lot of red flags. Wow is this tool really the best you can do.
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Sounds like a loser to me. Like the other posters have pointed out, there's a lot of red flags. Wow is this tool really the best you can do. what does it even mean ' the best you can do' ... i have many men interested in me.. but i barely ever get interested in any of them (not because I am shallow but because it takes a lot for me to be attracted to someone on that level) I get bored fast. I'm just confused if you all say the red flags because of the mentioning of the sex, or because he didn't pay for the beers and I ended up paying for it? As far as marriage, I know a lot of great men out there (friends, family etc) who say that about marriage, doesn't make them a loser. I don't know.. I just wish I could get more detailed answers, rather than general 'run' ... again.. how can I really test it? I don't want to just assume.. what if his credit card was really closed, what if he really did feel terrible and wants to make it up, what if he really is a sexual person OR was just testing me? what if he does really like me and doesn't want to just get laid? you know?? anything is possible... but how can I test it??? and I only say this because I DO LIKE HIM and yes, there are millions of great men out there, rich, polite, respective, etc etc... but at this exact moment I like this one and want to test / be positive about his intentions, before saying im out.. you know??
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 LOSER. The jerk is looking to get laid, plain and simple. What an ass, asking you out on a date then purposely paying with a card he knew would be declined. And then the dumbass thought he'd 'make it up' to you by getting you over his place for a beer? God what a loser. this is how it happened.. he told me that he would take me out on friday as that would be his day off from work. However, yesterday, i was feeling down and texted him to see if he wanted to hang out. He had a dinner party with his boss out of town, but he replied to me saying he was drinking some beer and if I wanted, we could meet up at this chill bar (which it was) and get some beer. I wanted to just get coffee and be outside but I said oh well, its okay. He had to be at work at 5 am the next day, so it was nice that he wanted to still see me. So we met there and when we ordered the beers, he gave the girl his credit card and left it open.. we went outside, drank and stuff and at the end of the night, she said it got declined.. and you know the rest.. Okay, obviously there is a reason why i made this post and I do feel weird and see some red flags... however, the reason why I am writing all this, is because i do like him, and want to be sure about his intentions.. how can i test it? how can i find out without assuming? what if I'm wrong?
clia Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 he was like 'you're going to make me wait huh' and i was like duh obviously.. he was like its ok, bla bla.. and he kept saying 'trust me, im not gna hurt you, if i was only after sex, id pressure u to it' .. but he was kissing my hand, and holding me, callng me beautiful etc etc.. idk if that was part of the trick or to make me feel safer, or idk.. The fact that he is even talking about sex after knowing you for one week is the red flag. he was like im gna call the credit card company and yell at them for having done that bla bla.. im gna take you to dinner on friday, make it up etc etc.. Yeah, we'll see if that dinner ever happens. Is that for this Friday? Just think about this logically. This guy is 27 years old. He shows up to your date with no cash. All he brought is one credit card. No backup credit card, no debit card, no cash. I'm well aware that at times credit card companies will decline suspicious charges. However, this just does not seem to be one of those situations. He used the card earlier in a different location? What does that mean? Was he out of the country? If so, it would have been declined then, and he purposely brought a credit card that had been declined as his only form of monetary payment on your date. Guess what else? All you have to do when your card gets declined for suspicious charges is call the credit card company right then and there and verify that it is a legitimate charge. He didn't do that. Nor did he reach into his pocket and pull out $20 to pay the tab. Or go to an ATM. Instead, he let you pay. how can i test it?? im not gna sleep with him obviously, not for a long long long long time.. but how can i test to see if real or just wants to really get laid Don't sleep with him and stop making out with him. Don't go to his house for hang out dates. Time will tell. But if I were you, I wouldn't get too attached to this one.
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 A guy wants to escalate things faster than a girl? Yes, I'm pretty sure that's normal. Thinking his star sign is important was the first one I spotted. Tell him to bring cash next time. how can I test his intentions? I want to be sure about IT before making a decision.. I don't want to assume and walk, and I don't want to continue kissing him and getting close without knowing either.. I want to be sure, but I don't know how I can test it. The money situation is what threw me off the most, because I don't know if he didn't have another card, or if he did it on perpous, I just dont know.. The bill was like 35 dollars, and he said he will take me out on friday to dinner. I don't know...I just don't know
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 The fact that he is even talking about sex after knowing you for one week is the red flag. Yeah, we'll see if that dinner ever happens. Is that for this Friday? Just think about this logically. This guy is 27 years old. He shows up to your date with no cash. All he brought is one credit card. No backup credit card, no debit card, no cash. I'm well aware that at times credit card companies will decline suspicious charges. However, this just does not seem to be one of those situations. He used the card earlier in a different location? What does that mean? Was he out of the country? If so, it would have been declined then, and he purposely brought a credit card that had been declined as his only form of monetary payment on your date. Guess what else? All you have to do when your card gets declined for suspicious charges is call the credit card company right then and there and verify that it is a legitimate charge. He didn't do that. Nor did he reach into his pocket and pull out $20 to pay the tab. Or go to an ATM. Instead, he let you pay. Don't sleep with him and stop making out with him. Don't go to his house for hang out dates. Time will tell. But if I were you, I wouldn't get too attached to this one. yes, the dinner is for friday. I told him I love sushi earlier and that's where I am going to have him take me. he better take me to dinner, somewhere I love, and that's when I will know. (first time we met, we went to get coffee and he paid but that was just coffee! lol) yes, he does talk about sex but I told him he will need to wait as I have to be sure about someone before doing anything. But don't most men talk about sex? I met many kinds of men and almost all talk about it. I should also say this... after our first meeting and talking for a while, he did tell me he likes me and he said he wants us to try this out (meaning we are seeing each other) as in he's really into me? I don't know, I'm not that naive lol I just want to really be sure before walking because I hate assuming or taking some red flags and just basing it on that. Yes, I thought of that too where I should stop kissing him and just figure out what he really wants because if he does like me and is serious, he will wait and treat me with respect. As far as the credit card goes, I found that to be weird as well that he didn't have any other form of payments. He asked the girl to try the credit card twice and both times it got declined. He then pulled out his phone and went to his credit card website to check what was happening. As he was checking it on the phone (he was frustrated i could tell).. I didn't want to just stand there and wait around until he found out, so i offered and he said 'ya, can you' .. and i did. YES YOU ARE RIGHT, what threw me off is, no other way of paying?? (i dont carry cash.. and yes it was a spantenous meeting as i asked him to take me out, but still?) any other way of testing? should I have a talk with him? should I just wait? I mean, I don't know..I do like him and this sucks.. =/ if it turns out that he's just stupid and wanted to get laid, he's wasting his time because I won't.. and if he's real and I was wrong, then I'll feel ****ty if I walk away
veggirl Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Him talking about sex like that with you and telling you that you are gonna bang him WAS pressuring you for sex. No, guys who are actually interested in you do not talk about sex so much early on!! He is telling you what he wants. He is telling you "oh don't worry I don't hurt you" just so you will drop your panties faster.
clia Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 yes, he does talk about sex but I told him he will need to wait as I have to be sure about someone before doing anything. But don't most men talk about sex? I met many kinds of men and almost all talk about it. Honestly, the fact that you've already had to tell him that he will have to wait for sex after knowing him for only a week is alarming. I've honestly never had a man who was really interested in getting to know me talk about sex in the first week of knowing me. Seriously. It's a completely inappropriate conversation topic at this stage of the game. I should also say this... after our first meeting and talking for a while, he did tell me he likes me and he said he wants us to try this out (meaning we are seeing each other) as in he's really into me? Of course he would say that. He's desperately trying to have sex with you. any other way of testing? should I have a talk with him? should I just wait? Yes, just wait it out. Time is the best indicator of his interest in you -- especially if you don't sleep with him. Don't bring it up. Just watch his actions, see if he takes you out to dinner, see if he continues to contact you, and don't sleep with him.
sid3 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Him talking about sex like that with you and telling you that you are gonna bang him WAS pressuring you for sex. No, guys who are actually interested in you do not talk about sex so much early on!! He is telling you what he wants. He is telling you "oh don't worry I don't hurt you" just so you will drop your panties faster. Wait, girls really drop their panties? That can't be right.
Yookie Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 How old are you Sweetie? So many flags I don't know where to begin... I need advice ASAP I'm seeing this guy... it's been about a week we met. He is a saggitarious. 27 years old. I met him in a dating site. 1) Meeting on a dating site is not necessarily bad but you have to keep in mind that some men and women use dating sites like an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord. From the very moment we started talking, he was funny, straight forward, down to earth and easy to get along with. I felt a connection and he gave me his phone number and told me to text him and so after about 30 minutes of thinking about it I took his offer. 2) Texting is not necessarily bad either but a chronic texter can be a sign of someone who is already in a relationship or several. We started talking and just getting along fine because he's funny, charming, outspoken, and real. (or I hope he is) .. he is so open minded that I wonder if he's that confident and real or if it's because he doesn't take me seriously and doesn't care what I think.. he's not rude or disrespectful, but he is really open about sexual things and has a lot of opinion about everything (none harmful but can be awkward and puts me on the spot) .. 3) Huge red flag here. If you are questioning if he is taking you seriously TRUST your instincts. He is NOT. He's making you feel awkward and putting you on the spot? Time to end the text-fest or phone call if you actually got to talk to him. No guy that JUST met you should be talking to you like you're a hooker. ...we met twice and first time, we talked and stuff and he already started talking about intimacy and basically told me all his life (true or not i dont know but he openly told me his ex cheated on him and how comfortable he is with his sexuality etc etc) 4) Ok so on the 1st date he talks about f u c k ing and then makes sure you know he got cheated on (he will use this later as a reason that he won't commit to you), then he makes sure you know he is very sexual (more lets f u c k talk)? HUGE FLAG here. Second time we met, he kissed me and I liked it, I didn't mind but he was trying to touch me and if I had let him, he would do just about anything then and there but of course I stopped at just kissing (a lot of kissing lol) 5) So he goes in for the kill on the second date LoL. You really should mind that a practical stranger is touching you like he's your boyfriend already. How many other girls was he kissing and touching that week? Ewww nasty. he told me he doesnt believe in marriages as he thinks a boyfriend can make same promises to his girlfriend as a husband to his wife and as long as he's real he doesnt see the difference and finds marriage unnecessary which I found a bit off.. 6) HUGE red flag IF you want to eventually be married. RUNNNNN! He got 4 beers total for us and we drank and stuff and at one point he mentioned how we are going to have "sex" and I'm going to love it bla bla bla, and then hen mentioned how it's going to be in 1 week, or 2 and started laughing around and I was wondering if he was joking or being serious but I told him it wouldn't happen that fast and I don't want to rush things. 7) He has done this before with other women and he's just thinking out-loud about how long it will take you to sleep with him. You are just another conquest and possibly the subject of a bet between him and his PUA friends on a website like this one. If it only takes one week, he wins more dough. He asked if I was unsure about his intentions, that's why I didn't want to rush and I told him that I'd want to be sure about someone and have feelings before doing anything intimate and he kind of stopped for a bit. I noticed he has a sour sense of humour which I don't mind since I know he means no harm and he openly told me that he does have that tendency. 8) So he started throwing out negative joking comments about you? More PUA Bullsheet! They do this to throw you off balance and make you insecure. It gives them a sense of superiority. When the time came to close the tab, his card got declined and I offered to pay and he said ok. then when we left, he said apparently the card company put a stop for fraud protection since he used his card earlier in a different location. I kind of felt bad, but I was stuck between feeling bad and feeling like it was planned and he just did that so he didn't have to pay for me and that I wasn't worth it. 9) HUGE STINKING BLOOD RED FLAG! This is utter BULL crap. PUA's always avoid paying and this is his way of getting out of it. Excuse yourself to the ladies room and let him work it out with the cashier. He was there before you came so he had to have cash or some way of paying if you would not have come that night. He asked how much it was and I just told him not to worry about it but he texted saying how bad he felt and I told him he could make up for it later if that would make him feel better and he said he would make up for it. Before we left, he also asked me to go back to his place for a beer to make it up and I refused because again, I didn't know if he wanted to take me so he could try to see if I'd sleep with him, or if he was being nice and feeling terrible for what happened... 10) Damn we're on #10 already!... I'm glad to hear that you are smart enough to stay out of situations where he can take advantage of you. Never go for house dates this soon. This is a personal safety issue!!! my worry is, does this seem normal? or are there red flags.. I'm really attracted to him and I don't want to get deeper and get hurt. I don't know if I should continue this or if it's enough for me to stop? how can I know anyway? Final comments: Why are you attracted to him? I heard nothing special about this guy in this whole thread. He's not treating you special for sure and it looks like he's in PUA player mode at the moment. You're just a number to him. If you fancy getting pumped and dumped then continue. The only way to win his type of game is not to play. 1
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 How old are you Sweetie? So many flags I don't know where to begin... 1) Meeting on a dating site is not necessarily bad but you have to keep in mind that some men and women use dating sites like an all-you-can-eat smorgasbord. 2) Texting is not necessarily bad either but a chronic texter can be a sign of someone who is already in a relationship or several. 3) Huge red flag here. If you are questioning if he is taking you seriously TRUST your instincts. He is NOT. He's making you feel awkward and putting you on the spot? Time to end the text-fest or phone call if you actually got to talk to him. No guy that JUST met you should be talking to you like you're a hooker. 4) Ok so on the 1st date he talks about f u c k ing and then makes sure you know he got cheated on (he will use this later as a reason that he won't commit to you), then he makes sure you know he is very sexual (more lets f u c k talk)? HUGE FLAG here. 5) So he goes in for the kill on the second date LoL. You really should mind that a practical stranger is touching you like he's your boyfriend already. How many other girls was he kissing and touching that week? Ewww nasty. 6) HUGE red flag IF you want to eventually be married. RUNNNNN! 7) He has done this before with other women and he's just thinking out-loud about how long it will take you to sleep with him. You are just another conquest and possibly the subject of a bet between him and his PUA friends on a website like this one. If it only takes one week, he wins more dough. 8) So he started throwing out negative joking comments about you? More PUA Bullsheet! They do this to throw you off balance and make you insecure. It gives them a sense of superiority. 9) HUGE STINKING BLOOD RED FLAG! This is utter BULL crap. PUA's always avoid paying and this is his way of getting out of it. Excuse yourself to the ladies room and let him work it out with the cashier. He was there before you came so he had to have cash or some way of paying if you would not have come that night. 10) Damn we're on #10 already!... I'm glad to hear that you are smart enough to stay out of situations where he can take advantage of you. Never go for house dates this soon. This is a personal safety issue!!! Final comments: Why are you attracted to him? I heard nothing special about this guy in this whole thread. He's not treating you special for sure and it looks like he's in PUA player mode at the moment. You're just a number to him. If you fancy getting pumped and dumped then continue. The only way to win his type of game is not to play. i agree with most of the things you said.. I'm attracted to him because when we kissed, it was electrifying.. I guess I'm stuck because I haven't really felt this kind of physical connection with anyone ever since my ex and it just drove me crazy.. I've been intimate with only 1 person which was my ex, and it's been like 8 months since we ended and since then I haven't even kissed anyone and it gets lonely and depressing. However, yes, it felt great and anyone in my place would want more of it, but I'm not desperate nor easy to let that be a reason to get used. I guess the only reason why regardless of the red flags I still wonder, is because he didn't make me feel like a whore..when I said he had a sour sense of humor, i didn't mean it towards me...he hasn't disrespected me at all.. if he had, there's no way in hell would I even go out with him.. I think the reason he got so open with me so quickly is because I didn't put any boundaries as some part of me enjoyed it and now I kind of regret it because my need for that feeling is not worth getting used or being this open with someone this early.. as far as the bill, that was my biggest throw, but we talked today and he told me that he doesn't carry credit cards because he got rid of them after being in so much debt and carrying cash didn't work for him since he ended up spending too quickly (which by the way is exactly my reason i only have 1 bank card - i never carry credit cards or any cash so i had to believe him on that one) .. i even asked him if he was stable financially and why he didn't carry any other card and he explained which made sense.. true or not, i just have to find out. i decided i will continue to talk to him and go out with him but i will tell him id like some boundaries because too open for me this early is pushing it and i want him to respect it.. i will not sleep with him for a long time and if he respects that and still talks to me and wants me, then fine, if not then oh well.. but hey, the kissing is harmless lol and feels good so why not have some fun with that.. who knows, maybe i'm wrong about him and he does really take me seriously and we can have something nice... if not, then oh well, as long as i don't sleep with him or pay for him again, i think i'm good.. just gota wait and see
Andy_K Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Chances are you'll give in and sleep with him sooner than you think you will. You're already deluded, and won't cut him off despite EVERYONE telling you that you should. But, if you've only really been with one person before, then you're likely quite inexperienced and naive. Some mistakes you just need to make yourself before you can learn from them. Just don't make the next guy you date pay for your mistakes.
Author Swe3tAngel Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Chances are you'll give in and sleep with him sooner than you think you will. You're already deluded, and won't cut him off despite EVERYONE telling you that you should. But, if you've only really been with one person before, then you're likely quite inexperienced and naive. Some mistakes you just need to make yourself before you can learn from them. Just don't make the next guy you date pay for your mistakes. uh i don't see how im deluded.. if people tell u to run from something, doesn't mean you're going to run.. you take their advice and be careful.. lol i love how you know what i will be doing as though you're my best friend and you know me so well.. and i should be taking your advice? you don't know me and assume so much, you can easily do the same on that person.. just because i've been with one person doesn't mean that I'm naive.. and it doesn't mean that i will be sleeping with him sooner than i think.. i just mean that yes i am a lot more careful with this guy when i try to test him now.. because obviously i'm not going to repeat the same thing where i'd have to pay for the bill, or get even more touchy feely.. i'm only trying to give him a chance because 1. i do like him 2. i don't want to go based on assumptions and 'red flags' because there is a chance i could be wrong, and id rather not assume and find out on my own.. obviously, im not going to find out AFTER i sleep with him, or after i get hurt.. i will test him out by seeing how much he does to 'make up' for the bill.. if he takes me out to dinner, pays for it, how much effort he puts in.. and how well he takes the fact that he'd have to wait a long time for sex.. if he sticks around and does all that.. then we were all wrong.. and if he doesn't, then he'd be out.. just because i'm attracted to him and loved kissing him, doesn't mean im so easy that i'd give in to the sex and be stupid enough to do it.. sorry i don't know you but i don't appreciate the assumptions since you don't know me at all.. but thanks for the 'advice' i guess
Goodbye Blue Sky Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 I would go out for dinner one more time with him, just to have him pay. And then I would run like the wind. What a creep.
Chief Wiggum Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 How old are you? You seem really young. Anyway, take it from a guy, he's only interested in one thing - getting in your knickers. That's his main objective, by the sound of things. And seeing as though you're still unsure of his intentions -- despite the endless red flags popping up -- I'm willing to bet he'll get what he's looking for providing he's patient enough. Because to your credit, you're not giving it up as easy as he hoped you would. You should stop seeing him though. He's an ass.
Keenly Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Not believing in marriage is not a red flag. I don't believe in marriage. They more often than not end in divorce. Marriage does not equal loyalty. I can be in a relationship and be completely loyal to some one, and if we are both in love and loyal to each other, then what does it matter if we are married or not?
Recommended Posts