crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I HATE the way I keep going back and forth on this. One minute, I'm healing and moving on....the next im back at square one. One thing I HAVE noticed is that today, i had a really hard time NOT thinking about what she might be doing right now, etc. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrating. And painful. I hate feeling this way. HATE it.
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 You're only a week in. It usually took me two months until the cravings finally faded away. But fade away they always did.
Author crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I feel like I'm going insane. Like my mind and heart are fighting a war, and my heart keeps winning. the only problem with that is: my heart is broken right now.
LostOne1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I feel like I'm going insane. Like my mind and heart are fighting a war, and my heart keeps winning. the only problem with that is: my heart is broken right now. I feel like this too.. I feel insane today. I can't even do any school work, because it reminds me of her. And worst of all going to the same school sucks. Its like I WANT her to run into me now. So I can show her I am fine and I WANT her old feelings to kick in even for a min. So she knows what she threw away and feels guilty for it. I hate today and this feeling.. I hate she also did this to me and us too. It's too bad I can't be happy with myself right now. I hope this week at school helps me meet new people and hopefully new friends, who will actually be friends. That will help me get all of this off my mind. I know how insane you feel and it sucks. It doesn't leave you alone and sadly it will happen a lot from time to time. All you can do is vent out like I am and just tell yourself in your mind over and over again to be strong... to be strong..
Author crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Yeah, I know. I'm a new-thread starting MACHINE trying to get all these feelings and thoughts out of my head.
cavalier99 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) If its any consolation I'm also feeling like sh*t. Just sorta depressed. I thought i had been doing good but seem to be in a down recovery cycle. After getting drunk and watching my team lose today I read that na49 cracked and looked up a few thing on the ex. I did the same and gleaned absolutely no info NADA. And that is for the best. But the fact that I cracked after 3 months NC tells me that I'm not nearly as well as i thought. I feel like giving up this fight in my mind and letting all this just go. Maybe this is a good thing. I'm not really even that interested in posting now. I'm just tired of a stupid ex girlfriend who doesn't even exist in my current reality taking up so much of my mental energy. I really need to mentally dispose of her like throwing out the trash and i think i might be getting there. Just depressing. It like fighting a losing battle. The war is over and were still in our fox holes peeking out at nothing. And everyone else has gone home. Edited January 7, 2013 by cavalier99
Author crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) The only reason I haven't "cracked" and looked up anything about what my fiance is up to is because I learned a VERY good lesson about doing that during my divorce. as the old saying goes "Be careful about what you go looking for, you just might find it." And TRUST me...you DONT want to find it. I've been finding it harder to post the last couple of days, too. It just feels pointless...like no matter how much I try to get these feelings out, they won't go away anyhow. Regardless, I am forcing myself to talk (well...type) about what is going on. Edited January 7, 2013 by crashvector 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Same boat. A month for me. As his sti in my mind constantly... I'm planning to go on vacation next month tho. Before uni starts up again. Hopefully that will make me realize I can do things without him. And if he can move on go out and stuff then I can too right. battling with your own emotion is soooooooo hard 1
LostOne1 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 If its any consolation I'm also feeling like sh*t. Just sorta depressed. I thought i had been doing good but seem to be in a down recovery cycle. After getting drunk and watching my team lose today I read that na49 cracked and looked up a few thing on the ex. I did the same and gleaned absolutely no info NADA. And that is for the best. But the fact that I cracked after 3 months NC tells me that I'm not nearly as well as i thought. I feel like giving up this fight in my mind and letting all this just go. Maybe this is a good thing. I'm not really even that interested in posting now. I'm just tired of a stupid ex girlfriend who doesn't even exist in my current reality taking up so much of my mental energy. I really need to mentally dispose of her like throwing out the trash and i think i might be getting there. Just depressing. It like fighting a losing battle. The war is over and were still in our fox holes peeking out at nothing. And everyone else has gone home. Dude I'm at 6 months almost since BU and about 3 months since NC. I'm still not healed.. so expect it to be up and down. It's going to be good for a few days and boom a few days are going to suck so bad!!! The worst part is going to the same school. It's like when I'm walking around I'm searching for her hoping she sees me. That's all I want is for her to see me even if it's a glance. And I have to battle myself within to say it's not worth it at all. I guess I hope I meet new people and new friends to hang out with so I can spend time with others there. But it's a tough battle and you will get knocked down at times. You'll think your better and all and then a bad day will come and bring you back down. I've been stuck in this cycle for awhile now. At times I'm loving my life and loving myself. Then a day comes by where something reminds me of my ex and it drives me nuts. Starts to piss me off that she isn't missing me. Worst of it all in 3 weeks it's her bday. And my mind is going insane with wanting to send a happy bday text showing I have changed and care to know it's her bday vs saying nothing to show her I don't care anymore or that I forgot.
cavalier99 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Dude I'm at 6 months almost since BU and about 3 months since NC. I'm still not healed.. so expect it to be up and down. It's going to be good for a few days and boom a few days are going to suck so bad!!! The worst part is going to the same school. It's like when I'm walking around I'm searching for her hoping she sees me. That's all I want is for her to see me even if it's a glance. And I have to battle myself within to say it's not worth it at all. I guess I hope I meet new people and new friends to hang out with so I can spend time with others there. But it's a tough battle and you will get knocked down at times. You'll think your better and all and then a bad day will come and bring you back down. I've been stuck in this cycle for awhile now. At times I'm loving my life and loving myself. Then a day comes by where something reminds me of my ex and it drives me nuts. Starts to piss me off that she isn't missing me. Worst of it all in 3 weeks it's her bday. And my mind is going insane with wanting to send a happy bday text showing I have changed and care to know it's her bday vs saying nothing to show her I don't care anymore or that I forgot. Thanks for the support LostOne. Hang Strong. Ill try to also. Cav
Author crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I have to admit, I'm having to be REALLY careful....all the sudden attention from a few women in my hometown is certainly good for repairing my shattered ego, but at the same time, I am making it VERY clear to everyone that I am NOT ready for a relationship now, nor will I probably BE ready for quite some time. However, the problem I'm having is that unless I stay busy literally every waking moment, ANY time i stop or slow down, SHE is the first thing I think of (what's she doing now, wonder what she's up to, how are the kids, I wonder what she's wearing, etc) and yeah, the worst one for some reason? I wonder if she's having the same frustration as me from being suddenly cut off from having regular sex. Yeah, this one SUCKS to think about. Its awfully hard to go from being intimate 2-3 times a week (well, up until the last month or so when it was more like once a week) but still, you know what I mean. SO annoying.
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I am in the same boat as you. Actually slept well last night and thought today was going to be better. Nope. Feel lousy and as though I'm going to vomit. Had a bout of anger last night myself. It's frustrating, but try to let each wave pass. Lots of people here that relate. Hang in there.
Author crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 I am in the same boat as you. Actually slept well last night and thought today was going to be better. Nope. Feel lousy and as though I'm going to vomit. Had a bout of anger last night myself. It's frustrating, but try to let each wave pass. Lots of people here that relate. Hang in there. going on day 10 without being able to even EAT anything im so sick. This woman TRULY broke my heart. I have NEVER felt so distraught before in my life. Even after my divorce, I was sad, sure...but NOTHING like this. I'm just trying to force myself to get UP, much less get GOING.
Lost kitten Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 going on day 10 without being able to even EAT anything im so sick. This woman TRULY broke my heart. I have NEVER felt so distraught before in my life. Even after my divorce, I was sad, sure...but NOTHING like this. I'm just trying to force myself to get UP, much less get GOING. I'm so sorry. I am, too, in the same position, only its been 8 weeks. (9 tomorrow) I wish there was something I could do or say to make us both feel better. Just, in the meantime, know you're not alone, as alone and lost as you may feel.
ScienceGal Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) The breakup that brought me to LS totally wrecked me. Weeks of not being able to sleep or eat well. It was a very toxic relationship that hurt me for long after. It will pass, trust me. Edited January 7, 2013 by ScienceGal
na49 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Yeah, I know. I'm a new-thread starting MACHINE trying to get all these feelings and thoughts out of my head. Don't worry about it man. I've probably made more threads here these past two months than anyone. Making threads and hearing what other people have to say helped me greatly. Everyone here pushed me in the right direction towards moving on and they'll do the same for you. I'll try my best to help you too. Let me just tell you that these feelings happen. They will continue to happen. Last week I was crying over her, crying over us. Last night I cracked and took a peek at her twitter. I saw a picture of her with her friends. She's still doing her. Talking with the guy she cheated on me with (not regretting her decision at all ) She's going out having fun with her friends and isn't hung up over me AT ALL. You know what? It hurts. It hurts when you realize that they don't care. They haven't cared. and they won't care ever again. They think they are better off without us. Seeing everything I saw last night hurt me, but I think in the long term it can help me. I realize that she's done with us. She's been done with us. So now I have to be done with any ideas of us that I had. Just keep posting here instead of talking to her. Nothing you say can bring her back. Everything you say will push her away.
Author crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Just keep posting here instead of talking to her. Nothing you say can bring her back. Everything you say will push her away. yeah pretty much.
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