VICREP Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Alright this is my 1st post here Me and my GF of 2.5yrs (1st love, teenage sweethearts) broke up about 6 months ago. It was mutual but moreso I was the dumper and she was the dumpee. I felt the great sense of relief, moved on quickly (or so it seemed) starting going out, seeing another girl casually. Mean while her sense of relief disappeared once I seemingly moved on and for the next 2-3months kept bargaining and begging fro me back, but i was not interested in the slightest. I thought the grass was greener, I was immature, blinded by short-term fun. Eventually i told her all the begging had to stop and It did once she saw me with the other girl. She still remained in contact with me regularly and eventually got enough strength to start going out again. This seemed to spark my jealousy and fear of losing her. I starting talking ti her about working things out. She said she still loved me and wanted to eventually work things out after she has the freedom that I had. Now after she has got a taste for going out more, and I started making it very clear how much I wanted her back, she says she doesn't know if she still loves me. But maintains she could see us together in future. I felt dumped, She has all the power. Everything I put her through she has now done to me. I feel sick talking to other girls. All I think about is her. I try accept the fact she has moved on but its hard. Especially when only a week before she was in tears saying how she loved me and wanted to work things out. I have initiated NC. Whats your take on this? Has she actually moved on suddenly despite what she has said recently? or is it just the shift in power balance?
Missing Him Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I doubt that she's looking at it as a power thing. You put her through a lot of pain, and now that she's finally getting some relief from that pain, you want back in her life. She's probably scared to leave where she's at now for fear that you'll put her back to where she was before.
Frank13 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 This is simply both of you wanting what you can't have, and when you can have it you no longer want it. This is a very common dynamic we see here all the time. One person gets dumped and pines for the other. The dumper finally comes back but then suddenly the person that was pining for them doesn't want them anymore. Now the dumper is the one pining. After a while, the dumpee, thinking the dumper has moved on, now once again wants them back. When the dumper finds this out, they no longer want the dumpee. It has to do with ego. When you are rejected it is a blow to your ego. You want this person back in order to validate your ego. Once they come back, or even just tell you that they want to get back together, it validates you so you no longer want them. Now they are rejected so it is a blow to their ego . Now they want you to validate their ego.
portableversion Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 i wish you the best of luck, not much i can say since i got married to my 2nd girlfriend and was with her for 17 yrs. Perhaps when the fun she is having now winds down maybe you have a chance. Make sure you understand the reasons of the breakup in the 1st place. And forget all this ego stuff, to love someone is to be very giving to them. you dumped her your gonna have to eat crow for awhile at least. After that you may no longer care, it could just be done and gone forever. Make sure you take notes from this experience and try your best to not repeat. Anymore i do wonder if people should not have sex until they get married. All this breaking up and dating again and stuff just leaves such wakes of devastation and pain. Its a miracle the suicide rates are not higher than they are. I am assuming you two had sex. People dont realize how powerful of an experience that is and to get dumped after that.....or rather people take for granted how powerful that experience is. Alot of trust is involved in such an encounter, where else in this world will a person yield so much trust. getting ripped off by unfair banking fees dont hurt that bad....just a little something to think about
Author VICREP Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Thanks for the advice guys. I understand the power/ego dynamic that is going on. But also understand I hurt her very badly when we broke up. I guess I need to overcome my own jealousy and insecurities to move on and then If we both decide to work things out maybe we will. Otherwise I have other things I wanna do with my life. Feel so vulnerable with her having all the power. It's a sickening feeling
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