reptilelover88 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Would you be happy with this? I am not, but he thinks I'm being unreasonable.
soccerrprp Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Hmmm. Not certain. I'm a guy and would not be "happy", but if it's clear that they are friends, then what choice do you really have? Why not go with him? 1
Author reptilelover88 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 (edited) I will be on holiday at the time with my family so won't be able to go with him; also, he doesn't want me to meet her. This is much more info on my previous posts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/352783-new-boyfriend-really-annoying-ex http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/362492-boyfriend-still-paying-one-ex-s-bills Edited January 7, 2013 by reptilelover88 added link to second relevant thread
NoMagicBullet Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I'm pretty much on board with everything other people have said in the other threads. I'll just add that given the whole situation, I would not want my bf meeting his ex at the airport either. Actually, I can't imagine staying with a man who still has an ex or exes hanging around (if kids aren't a factor). Can't say I've ever seen any good come from it. He's not going to ditch his ex, Rep. He's not going to change, and there's no more you can do to change his mind about it. You only have two choices: 1) Put up with her still being involved in your bf's life and your relationship. 2) Leave and find another bf who doesn't hang onto his exes. You're young, and I know you love this man, but believe me when I say you can love again if you choose option #2. You're young, and if you choose option #1... well, how much do you think you can actually tolerate as the years go by without getting more and more resentful? Yeah, I'm in favor of #2. From what you wrote in the other threads, I'd also say he puts her 1st and you 2nd. Anyway, think about it long and hard, and make the decision that is best for you... not for your bf, not for anyone here on LS, for YOU. 2
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Would you be happy with this? I am not, but he thinks I'm being unreasonable. Of course he does, you won't let him have his own way. This guy sounds like a Barney that does not understand reasonable boundaries. Send him back to the herd and look for someone who wants to be in a committed relationship. You are worth more than settling for a Barney.
road Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Tell he has to chose, he can't have ex and you. Now if you had courage better to just dump him.
Author reptilelover88 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Well, we have discussed it very calmly and rationally and made some progress. I said that I was uncomfortable with him picking her up from the airport or taking her out to dinner in the evening because I feel that these are more romantic things to do. I wouldn't mind him doing them for a female friend but she is not a female friend IMHO - she is an ex who treated him badly when they were together and (I just found out) made a pass at him when they last met up as 'friends' (even though she had a boyfriend at the time!). I said that I don't want him to do potentially romantic things that she could misinterpret. He agreed and said that he understands where I'm coming from. He agreed not to do these things that I'm uncomfortable with. I have asked him to tell her his plans for the weekend so it'll be clear ahead of time that he won't be meeting her at the airport or seeing her in the evening. Although he is happy with these restrictions, he is worried about 'hurting her' so hasn't said anything yet. I'm feeling much better about the situation but still a bit worried that she will try to manipulate him out of what we have agreed! I know it's wrong but I'm tempted to call him at home in the evening to make sure he actually is there and not in town with her...
veggirl Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Well, we have discussed it very calmly and rationally and made some progress. I said that I was uncomfortable with him picking her up from the airport or taking her out to dinner in the evening because I feel that these are more romantic things to do. I wouldn't mind him doing them for a female friend but she is not a female friend IMHO - she is an ex who treated him badly when they were together and (I just found out) made a pass at him when they last met up as 'friends' (even though she had a boyfriend at the time!). I said that I don't want him to do potentially romantic things that she could misinterpret. He agreed and said that he understands where I'm coming from. He agreed not to do these things that I'm uncomfortable with. I have asked him to tell her his plans for the weekend so it'll be clear ahead of time that he won't be meeting her at the airport or seeing her in the evening. Although he is happy with these restrictions, he is worried about 'hurting her' so hasn't said anything yet. I'm feeling much better about the situation but still a bit worried that she will try to manipulate him out of what we have agreed! I know it's wrong but I'm tempted to call him at home in the evening to make sure he actually is there and not in town with her... Of course he hasn't told her yet. Because, again, her feelings are more important to him than yours. And how weak is your boyfriend that he is "manipulated" by a woman he claims is abusive? how long is she in town? I am sure if you call, he will be with her. and he will be like "well...she made me!!" and you will be angry but then you will let it go..again...so I guess what's the point of even trying to catch him when you won't actually do anything about it if (when) you do catch him?
veggirl Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I will be on holiday at the time with my family so won't be able to go with him; also, he doesn't want me to meet her. This is much more info on my previous posts: OH?? Why doesn't he want you to meet her? How convenient you will be out of town when she is there! I'm sure they are both pretty excited about that was this like a last minute trip or something? for her?
nofool4u Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Would you be happy with this? I am not, but he thinks I'm being unreasonable. No I would not be happy with it. There is absolutely no reason to meet his X at the airport. They are X's for a reason Did he say why he wants to meet her?
nofool4u Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I will be on holiday at the time with my family so won't be able to go with him; also, he doesn't want me to meet her. So he wants to go meet her at the airport without you and doesn't want you to meet her? Well, we have discussed it very calmly and rationally and made some progress. I said that I was uncomfortable with him picking her up from the airport or taking her out to dinner in the evening because I feel that these are more romantic things to do. I wouldn't mind him doing them for a female friend but she is not a female friend IMHO - she is an ex who treated him badly when they were together and (I just found out) made a pass at him when they last met up as 'friends' (even though she had a boyfriend at the time!). I said that I don't want him to do potentially romantic things that she could misinterpret. He agreed and said that he understands where I'm coming from. He agreed not to do these things that I'm uncomfortable with. I have asked him to tell her his plans for the weekend so it'll be clear ahead of time that he won't be meeting her at the airport or seeing her in the evening. Although he is happy with these restrictions, he is worried about 'hurting her' so hasn't said anything yet. I'm feeling much better about the situation but still a bit worried that she will try to manipulate him out of what we have agreed! I know it's wrong but I'm tempted to call him at home in the evening to make sure he actually is there and not in town with her... So what is his reason for not wanting you to meet her? If they are just friends, there shouldn't be a problem, right?
LovedwayULie Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Would you be happy with this? I am not, but he thinks I'm being unreasonable. Let him meet her, You on his side. If not, then what else can you do?
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