She said yes to date

[sid3]

I'm thinking that's a NO!

[Balzac]

Nice thought but agreed no. Primarily because it puts you into that awkward "goodnight" scene. Her place, invite in~~~ you'll get there soon enough.

[OCCDAVE]

Nice thought but agreed no. Primarily because it puts you into that awkward "goodnight" scene. Her place, invite in~~~ you'll get there soon enough.

true another thing I noticed last night after she opened her front gate she then opened her door and held it till I got inside then we said our goodbyes.Anyway I'm happy she in fact contacted me so far so good

[Balzac]

This is GREATgood is several levels down, trust us.

[OCCDAVE]

I texted her asking if she was bust Tomo morning I wanted to take her to breakfast she said sorry ill be busy rest if week due to work till next week .eh owell

[OCCDAVE]

Wasnt how I expected tonight to end but here's what she sent me

 

 

I had a good time on our date but I didn't feel a connection. Maybe were better off as friends. However I know you will find what your looking for. Your a good guy

 

 

I feel beyond played up Untill an hour ago we were texting and joking .Not gonna lie my eyes are watery

[TheZebra]

I'm so sorry to hear that man

 

I know it's tough, but look at the bright side. She was honest with you right away and didn't leave you guessing. Look at all the other poor posters here on LS who wonder why the other guy or girl never called back. Better to know than live in the shadows, right?

[OCCDAVE]

I guess but why the sudden change of heart.it was her who agreed to another date .I then gave her the next day where I didn't contact her and guess what she contacted me acting all happy .Then like I said up Untill an hour ago when I asked what she was doing Tomo ( maybe that came off wrong) we were joking around sigh

[TheZebra]

I wish I could answer that, but your guess would be as good as mine. Sometimes people just change their minds. Or they don't feel that way from the start but don't know what to say or how. We can't be sure.

[OCCDAVE]

Not gonna bs I'm sad,upset and embaressed .Wish I could say I saw this coming and I had my doubts but it seemed this was gonna be different.

[todreaminblue]

Not gonna bs I'm sad,upset and embaressed .Wish I could say I saw this coming and I had my doubts but it seemed this was gonna be different.

 

 

Dont be embarrassed you got out there and dated...you arent whining about not getting a date.....you are holding your own..........you took a risk you

didnt get played,and at least she told you and didnt leave you hanging//////next time you wont be as nervous...best wishes....deb

[OCCDAVE]

True but I followed all the steps to my surprise got a yes lets go out again.Fast forward to hear messaging me hey u not to long after dropping that bomb on me.Just confused hell I said if it worked out or not I'd see it as a victory cause as you said at least I tried to date again but still sucks .I have this girl I am friends with so I asked her point of view she said well maybe ur to nice that's why we never worked out ? I dunno

[rupert-hill]

I'm really sorry to hear that she's rejected you with the all too common "let's be friends" statement. She could've been a little more creative than that, like the common "it's not you, it's me" statement... although that's also not very creative and I've used it to break up with a girl once. Ask your friend what she means by you being "too nice" and then ask her how to change that habit. I think maybe you became too clingy and maybe the girl felt like you were going too fast, therefore broke the connection. She did have enough of a connection to want to meet you again. Although, it did seem that she was going a bit fast by inviting you into her door the first time you met.

 

Another thought is that maybe she took some time to think about things and realized that there really wasn't the connection that she thought she had with you.

 

Keep in mind that for every woman you meet in a dating site, she's probably talking to 100 other men. And those women are probably thinking that you're talking to 100 other women. If not, then get to it.

Edited January 10, 2013 by rupert-hill

[OCCDAVE]

Maybe Rupert heck we had plans for Friday but you just met me Monday and you are already asking what are you doing Tomo more eh.maybe when you first start dating I'm guessing once a week is where I begin right ? Also I shouldn't have text her not sure if that would have change things but maybe if I do it every other day or every two days ?I dunno this rs thing if ill ever figure it out.Ill ask my friend Tomo what she meant she knocked out then again she likes thug types so I'm not gonna put to much stock into her info.I dunno if even trying the whole friend thing is worth it .Sucks cause she had me believing we had alot of the same values and crap smh guess you'll say anything to make sure that person who's giving you a ride takes you home and doesn't kidnap u lol

[Emilia]

 

I feel beyond played up Untill an hour ago we were texting and joking .Not gonna lie my eyes are watery

 

The only way to deal with this is by talking to as many girls as you can. You said some other girl gave you her number, contact her as well.

 

I know this is curshing because you got on with her but when you have other girls to talk to you realise that one person is just one person, there are plenty of other options. It's not like you have bonded. Who knows what issues she has in her life? You need to talk to others so you don't feel the pressure of getting it right all the time.

[OCCDAVE]

The only way to deal with this is by talking to as many girls as you can. You said some other girl gave you her number, contact her as well.

 

I know this is curshing because you got on with her but when you have other girls to talk to you realise that one person is just one person, there are plenty of other options. It's not like you have bonded. Who knows what issues she has in her life? You need to talk to others so you don't feel the pressure of getting it right all the time.

That other girl did problem is I was texting her before I had this date with Mandy and after cause I heard dont put all your eggs in one basket.When I saw how good the date went and next day seeing her make contact first I decided put my eggs in that one basket lol .Only downside emila is next time I hopefully get that next date thanks to this girl even if I get that second date ill have my guard up and expect the worst

[Emilia]

That other girl did problem is I was texting her before I had this date with Mandy and after cause I heard dont put all your eggs in one basket.When I saw how good the date went and next day seeing her make contact first I decided put my eggs in that one basket lol .Only downside emila is next time I hopefully get that next date thanks to this girl even if I get that second date ill have my guard up and expect the worst

 

I'd say it takes about a month or so - if you have some experience with women at least - to decide whether someone is for you potentially. Things can go wrong for the 1st year of dating at least of course even if you are both looking for a long term relationship but the 1st month tells you whether you have a connection or not.

 

This is especially true for online dating because meeting them for the first time doesn't really count as a 'date' as such in a way. Sure the romantic interest is there to find a relationship but you can't expect too much.

 

When you talk to different women you will relax more and you will come across as someone who doesn't expect too much from a complete stranger. Don't expect the worst! That will come across as negative. You see so many guys on this forum with a negative attitude, it scares women off.

 

You must expect that ANYTHING can happen. A first date is sniffing out a complete stranger. That's all. It's not a life changing experience. There could be chemistry but then again maybe not.

 

Keep talking to the ladies, keep building up your confidence, keep looking for the one that does it for you. After all, it could be YOU next time on a first date who decides to be friends only!

[OCCDAVE]

Well since your a women let me ask you something is it true the first date women already know within a certain amount of time if this is rs worthy or not.I thought it would take a few dates or as you said maybe a month.And you def wouldn't agree to another date if u had no connection tbh I think I may have came on to strong withen a matter of hours .Smh like you said we didn't bond yet for some odd reason my eyes are red from crying lol .

 

Btw my friend said maybe if I went Mia then text her say Sunday invite her to the mini golf we were suppose to be going to and step my flirting up it could work or will that have the cops on me lol

[Emilia]

Well since your a women let me ask you something is it true the first date women already know within a certain amount of time if this is rs worthy or not.I thought it would take a few dates or as you said maybe a month.And you def wouldn't agree to another date if u had no connection tbh I think I may have came on to strong withen a matter of hours .Smh like you said we didn't bond yet for some odd reason my eyes are red from crying lol .

 

Btw my friend said maybe if I went Mia then text her say Sunday invite her to the mini golf we were suppose to be going to and step my flirting up it could work or will that have the cops on me lol

 

Ok there are a few things you need to understand and this might take you a while to implement while you build up your confidence.

 

First of all, everyone knows quite quickly whether they fancy someone or not. Yes there are guys who will have sex with anything that moves because they can make themselves to but truthfully most people are fussy somewhat if they have the choice. Most of us know quite soon whether we find the other person desireable.

 

However, whether you have a connection and whether the two of you would mesh takes longer to figure out. So it's attraction first (which needs to be mutual) and sustainability of that attraction and interest second. That part takes a little while longer to figure out.

 

Your behaviour must be dictated by what you want. if you are after a relationship, you have to show the other person who you are and not play games. Yes you are right that you need to take it easy and not smother the person. I didn't get the impression from your posts that you texted too much. What I think might have happened though is that perhaps you came across in your date as someone who put all their eggs in one basket.

 

What I'm saying is, don't play games, don't try to come across like some super cool dude because you want the woman in a relationship to appreciate you for who you are. Talk to her, be friendly and available because that's the kind of woman you want to attract.

 

However! Don't act as if this whole dating thing was a massive deal for you. Make it lighter and easy going. The way to achieve this is by talking to several women because then you won't put so much stock into talking to one. You want to hold back on the seriousness but without her noticing that. You want to be a genuine person since you want a genuine woman BUT you must not make her feel that your first date is the beginning and the end of it all for you.

 

Does this make sense? It's not something that's easy to get right and it comes with practice.

[OCCDAVE]

Makes sense and I may have to reread cause I'm bit tired but few questions.If it takes longer to mesh could she maybe have thought it over and been like eh he's ok but not that attracted .My other question by let them know I'm looking for a rs do you mean tell them in general or what?Last question if I make myself available as you said wont I look clingy (sorry not understanding it)

 

Btw think if I followed up the friendship there could be a glimmer of hope or she's letting me off the hook easy.Thanks again for all the advice

[OCCDAVE]

One last thing what did you mean when you said you don't want her to think the first is the beginning and end of it for me ?

[Emilia]

Makes sense and I may have to reread cause I'm bit tired but few questions.If it takes longer to mesh could she maybe have thought it over and been like eh he's ok but not that attracted .

 

Maybe. 'Meshing' means different things for different people. Some women will care how much money you have, others what car you drive, others are less shallow and care more about your personality or character. There is absolutely no way of telling what it is that makes another person think it won't work because you don't know her. It could be their insecurity or that the two of you are after different things. She is a stranger. Who knows? You have to be at peace with the fact that you will talk to lots of strangers and half the time you won't understand why they make their decisions the way they do.

 

My other question by let them know I'm looking for a rs do you mean tell them in general or what?

 

If you want a relationship, you should say you want a relationship and act that way (ie don't play games). It's in your own interest that you find a woman who also wants a relationship and who wants to have one with you.

 

Last question if I make myself available as you said wont I look clingy (sorry not understanding it)

 

Don't act as if you had nothing else to do in the world. Don't act as if having a relationship with her is the only thing matters to you. That's quite a lot of pressure for someone. Show her that you have a full life, that you have hobbies, that you have friends, that you go out. Don't make her feel like you are sitting by your kitchen table waiting for her call.

 

Do communicate and talk to her though and be nice. You want to look independent but not like a cold-hearted bastard.

 

Btw think if I followed up the friendship there could be a glimmer of hope or she's letting me off the hook easy.Thanks again for all the advice

 

No. Once someone says they want friendship stop talking to them. Don't hold on to straws. There are lots of women out there who can communicate interest. Don't trap yourself with talking to one who can only throw you bread crumbs.

[Emilia]

One last thing what did you mean when you said you don't want her to think the first is the beginning and end of it for me ?

 

You don't want her to think that the only thing you have in your life is her. You want her to know that you have friends, hobbies and that you go out. That you are independent.

[OCCDAVE]

Well that girl I talked to answered what she meant by two nice

 

 

That has nothing to do with Nice. But a good guy is someone to soft for me. Makes me feel like the man in the relationship. A man who just wants please to please and has no backbone or opinion

 

 

Me.Eh last I checked I still had a sack and wasnt agreeing or bowing down to anyone

 

Her.A sack doesn't make someone dominant. But okay. How do you think thug guys feel when labeled bad guys? Good guys labeled soft. Stereotypes

 

 

 

Not sure what I can take from this I've slept maybe 4 hours ugh

[Emilia]

You need to get some rest and talk to women more as I said. You will understand their perspectives better. It's not good that you are so cut up over one date. Need to get back on that horse Dave and keep talking to the ladies to understand them better. No substitute for that.