jklolzomfg Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I've been talking to a foreign guy (French/German) for a month or so now. We met online, so I assumed he's been talking to other people as well as me. We see each other consistently 2 times per week, always with him taking me out to dinner/drinks, ALWAYS paying, and typically we hook up afterwards. I feel like we have a connection, but it's still in the pretty early phase of getting to know each other. He texted me the other day, and said he wanted to get together and talk about what each of us wants, and specifically if I am looking for a relationship. I was caught pretty off-guard, because I feel like this is a conversation you have at around the 3.5 month mark, but I was open to it b/c I want to get to know him better, and give this a fair chance. He booked a dinner at a super fancy restaurant, I was pretty excited basically anticipating that he would say he wanted to focus on me, and getting to know each other more. We get to the restaurant, and in the middle of dinner start talking about what we want. He basically says that he is dating other people, and is getting closer to being ready for a relationship, but that he doesn't want to be exclusive....I was so confused b/c why on earth are we at a fancy restaurant, on a date, and you are telling me that you want to just let me know that you don't want to be exclusive? Is this a foreign thing? He did mention that in France, after a month or so of casual dating, you are in a serious relationship, so he wanted to clarify that is not what he wanted, at that point...But in my opinion it is too soon for that with him anyhow...but I think at the same time you like to know that a relationship in whatever stage is moving somewhere. I just don't know how to feel. He said he still wants to hang out, and get to know me more, and do things besides just dinner/drinks, but I am unsure how to feel about this. Has anyone had a similar experience, or can offer any advice?
soccerrprp Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Hmmmm, strange to go to a fancy restaurant and lay that on you. He kind of sounds like a prick of an A-type personality who thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. It sounds to me that he's told you that you can take it or leave it...i don't have a good feeling about this. You should tell him what YOU are expecting. Did you? Don't agree to be a part of his harem..... Ugh. I hope I helped in some way.
Joaquin Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 (edited) This is not a foreign thing. He is a grade A knob head. In fairness though, he seems to have the chicks chomping at the bit for a piece of him. Even willing to pay for him. He must have something very attractive about him. Or he chooses vulnerable girls that have very low self esteem and zero guy experience. Edited January 6, 2013 by Joaquin
terlislee Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Idk I'm from Europe and it's more the opposite here, though I'm not French. We don't usually have the exclusivity talk, it's understood you're exclusive once you start seeing each other. Of course it's more casual at first and the I love yous come later on, but basically you are boyfriend and girlfriend from the moment you start dating.
unluckyinlove4 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Idk I'm from Europe and it's more the opposite here, though I'm not French. We don't usually have the exclusivity talk, it's understood you're exclusive once you start seeing each other. Of course it's more casual at first and the I love yous come later on, but basically you are boyfriend and girlfriend from the moment you start dating. Yeah I've found that as well....I'm an American living in Europe and guys tend to think I'm their girlfriend immediately...it's like you're in a relationship before you even get to know one another.
Author jklolzomfg Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 I did tell him what I wanted, and even that I was shocked he wanted to talk about this...typically if you want to see other ppl, you just don't mention anything? But I said I wasn't expecting to jump into anything, i'm realistic, have my own **** going on, and take things slow. But I also don't want to be stagnant and not moving in a direction one way or another... And no, I never paid for him. He always paid when we went out. I've dated many people, and usually get bored quickly...he is definitely attractive...6'4, french, tall dark handsome bit, works in finance...yeah yeah i'm starting to see by reading what I am writing that he's just an *******. You would think a guy in his 30's would have things somewhat figured out.
Author jklolzomfg Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Really interesting to know this. I had no idea!
Author jklolzomfg Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Yeah I've found that as well....I'm an American living in Europe and guys tend to think I'm their girlfriend immediately...it's like you're in a relationship before you even get to know one another. Really interesting to know this. I had no idea!
unluckyinlove4 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Really interesting to know this. I had no idea! I dated one guy whom I didn't want to be in a relationship with....at least not at that time, and we tended to spend most of our time talking about the fact that we weren't in a relationship, even though other people thought we were. 1
edgygirl Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Yeah I've found that as well....I'm an American living in Europe and guys tend to think I'm their girlfriend immediately...it's like you're in a relationship before you even get to know one another. That's the experience I've had with Europeans too... no talk, just happens when you keep seeing them. Perhaps that's why he wanted to make sure you understand he's not into being bf/gf right now?
terlislee Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Yeah I've found that as well....I'm an American living in Europe and guys tend to think I'm their girlfriend immediately...it's like you're in a relationship before you even get to know one another. Yeah basically once you agree to see him again after the first kiss = relationship. I didn't know it was so different in the US until I came on LS and it made me all confused lol.
edgygirl Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Gotta love Europeans. Things are so much simpler. I can't deal with this American bs honestly. Ughhh.
Recommended Posts