Yatesrow Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I'm hear to share my experience with those of you reading in hopes to gain some insight into my girlfriend's decision to suddenly end our relationship. Bear with me if you can. We had known eachother through an online avenue for a couple years but didn't actually take a personal interest in one another until a little over a yearago. During this time we texted and skyped frequently, we shared quite a bit of personal history with one another, and I came to learn that she had lost her father to suicide in her early teens and was on anti-depressants due to lack of serotonin. Additionally she hadrecently come out of a 5 year relationship with a guy whom she'd beenwith since her late teens - She claimed he'd been distant towards her near end and only came around when he wanted to be intimate with her. Aside from the aforementioned, she seemed well adjusted. We agreed that a proper visit was in order so I got my passport and flew out to see her. The first few visits were amazing. I couldn't have asked for a kinder, gentler soul to have met. We shared many happy and unique - at least to us - moments with one another has we've had few relationships prior. She even suggested to make an attempt to move in together after my second visit. Everything was going great, or so I thought. Shortly before I was to head out for my third visit, she said that she didn't think I should come back - only to regret the decision less than 24 hours later asking to continue it. Her reasoning, at the time, was that she said I was distant when out in public with her, like I was distracted and not paying her enough attention. That, and she was being runragged at work with back-to-back shifts as recently being promoted to a supervisory position. I told her that if she felt this way, then she should communicate with me so I could do something about and makeher happy. She agreed that she would be more forthcoming with her feelings in the future. I flew out for the third visit which last nearly a month and she seemed genuinely pleased with me “it's likenight and day”she claimed, in regards to my attention. Shortly before new years, nearly a month after my third visit, her texts came fewer and the quality of them was deteriorating, in a similar way they had, months earlier. I knew something was up so I attempted to reach out, to see what was going on. She claimed that everything was fine and assured me that she loved me with all the emotes and pet names as was her custom. Despite that, I was still concerned. On the 27th of December, she went out with two girlfriends whom she hadn't seen in roughly a year- I only include this because she smoked weed with them which she doesn't do. I'm not sure that was the wisest decision based on her anti-depressant use and fragile nature. She was not in the habit of going out to social gatherings as work and school tookup much of her time and placed a lot of stress on her. Fast-forward a fewdays to 6 days ago, as of this post. I was devastated as she confessed that there was still something missing in our relationship, despite all of the improvements that had been made; A particular closeness that seemed absent. She eventually said that there were afew things like me not cuddling with her after sex, sometimes, and her being too needy (her words, not mine). I said to her that relationships are supposed to be an ongoing development where communication allows us to learn about one another to form a stronger bond. She decided, anyways, after many tears and apologies, that this was for the best right now and that maybe the future will bring us together again. I'm not sure what tomake of all of this. It's like one extreme to the other over shortperiods of time. One thing I did notice is that when life-stressbegins to build she becomes unstable. I know I shouldn't subject myself to this but I still hope she contacts me again saying she wants everything to be the way it was, like she did before. I've gone NC for close to 48hours and I feel “cold-turkey” is a bad this and contact should be gradual, light, friendly with nothing to do about rekindling therelationship. NOTE: I thought I'd include some texts here to give you an idea of how things went. “Ijust got the flowers at work today. You are SUCH a sweetheart. Thankyou so, so much. No wonder you asked if I liked flowers! You wereinquiring about them arriving I'm at work and won't be back till 8:45, just after they shut your internet off. Ugh!! I tried msn on myphone but it says you're offline every time. I'll get online firstthing in the morning on my computer and getchah some loves and thankyous! They're so beautiful.. and I love the message. You have such a kind soul <3” “Muffinnnnn (her pet name for me) how I miss thee!! I had to work later to cover for the person who was supposed to work the pm shift. Uuugh. Miss you so much, love.” “move in with me! Move in with me!” To: “I'm crying so hard. I'm so sorry. I can't put anythign into words. I, we (her mom and cat) will miss you too. It's hard now but think of how much harder it would later”. (after I had moved in) “I think it's for the best right now. Maybe the future will bring us together again”. This was after my most recent visit which lasted until early december.
Keenly Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 First of all... Ignore the weed thing. People get all worked up over things they don't understand. Seeing friends that you haven't seen in a while is perfect for just hanging out and smoking. But onto your situation. You are seriously going to have to consider whether or not you want this hot and cold BS. There is some outside influence out there that is messing things up... Is it another man? Is it some one pressuring her to let you go? If she REALLY wanted you... REALLY wanted you like you want her, there would not be this lets break up BS. Do you want to be an emotional wreck? Or do you think you deserve better. My ex did something like this.... we were not long distance but she would break up with me and then we would get back together less than 24 hours later. What happens is similar to a basketball bouncing down the street. 1st time : I was crushed. 2nd time : I cared a little less 3rd time : I cared a little less ..... .... .... 12th time : I didn't care at all. I stopped caring because I was tired of the BS. You deserve some one who will be with you during their good times and their bad times, and not treat you like a disposable rag.
Author Yatesrow Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 First of all... Ignore the weed thing. People get all worked up over things they don't understand. Seeing friends that you haven't seen in a while is perfect for just hanging out and smoking. But onto your situation. You are seriously going to have to consider whether or not you want this hot and cold BS. There is some outside influence out there that is messing things up... Is it another man? Is it some one pressuring her to let you go? If she REALLY wanted you... REALLY wanted you like you want her, there would not be this lets break up BS. Do you want to be an emotional wreck? Or do you think you deserve better. My ex did something like this.... we were not long distance but she would break up with me and then we would get back together less than 24 hours later. What happens is similar to a basketball bouncing down the street. 1st time : I was crushed. 2nd time : I cared a little less 3rd time : I cared a little less ..... .... .... 12th time : I didn't care at all. I stopped caring because I was tired of the BS. You deserve some one who will be with you during their good times and their bad times, and not treat you like a disposable rag. Thanks for the response. As far as her friends and the weed go, I was more concerned about the interaction with mood supressing drugs with the weed but I'm just trying to rationalize her actions even it's b.s. I don't want the hot and cold b.s. to be sure, and after reading homebrew's advice int the sticky... I think I'll keep NC to a bare minimum just so I don't slip out of her mind completely. Though I don't know if that will happen since she has a number of my things and I hope she keeps them as a reminder. Then again she has a couple shirts of her 5 year ex's and that went to ****, though the circumstances were different. Anyways, I'm going in with the attitude "third time's a charm" if the opportunity presents itself and I'm hoping ultimately it's early-twenty-itus.
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