Scarlett5 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 How does it hurt so much? Affairs bring out so many negative and unhealthy emotions it’s unbelievable. And how is it that a great mood can be diminished in a second. You think you’re fine and almost over him and then BAM, he gets in touch or tells you something that brings you slamming back down to earth. How are these situations able to play our emotions like a lame guitar? Because somehow we allow them to? Maybe. The guy I had a brief affair with has recently got back in contact and we’ve been texting. Feelings I thought were well on their way out came flooding back and I feel hurt all over again. The fact he’s ‘happily’ married makes it hurt even more. When we’re not in contact (which is initiated by me), I think about him all the time and I feel like I’ll never be over him. I seriously think they should warn you about this crap before you reach adult age. I feel so strong willed and determined and yet it still hurts like hell.
LadyLost Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Scarlett, this man is going to keep on hurting you for as long as you let him. It's not easy. It does hurt like hell, but its in your control to make it stop; make him go away. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 There IS a 'Fast Forward' way. At least, it's a 'darn sight Faster Forward' than what's happening now. It's called 'No Contact'. Every time you let him in, you effectively shove yourself back to square one. When was the last time you had contact with him? Then in effect, that's the last time you 'broke up'. See? No time at all! How can you possibly expect to be over him in such a short time?? 1
Author Scarlett5 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 You are both totally right - and I know it. I have really tried to avoid changing my number because of the hassle, but it will obviously be MUCH less hassle in the long run. 'Make him go away' is exactly what I need to do. And have tried to do on three occasions. It's like a vicious circle - I tell him we can't have contact anymore, there's no point, I can't do it. I feel strong and determined and ready to move on and actually start living my life. Then over the weeks ahead I start thinking of him more and more, and start to really miss him. It's usually around this point that he gets back in touch and by replying, I land myself back on square 1. I would never initiate contact, so I guess the only way I can break the circle is to change my number...as that's the only way he can make contact. And then just ride out the pain. God, why do we do these things to ourselves
TaraMaiden Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Excellent question. There is a multitude of answers, but the bottom line is our fear of the unknown, the fear of change, the fear that "this will never come again".... We have to be open to it, and confident that we deserve happiness - but you must realise dear heart, that your happiness isn't dependent on the presence of a SO. That's up to you. You can happily let someone into your life - but live the kind of life that when the time comes to let go - in whichever form it might take - you need to release and be glad you are confident enough to forge ahead with or without them.... Imagine you were moving house across the country - or even moving abroad. You'd need to tell everyone and anyone significant that you were changing your number, wouldn't you? Your Heart is 'Moving House' to a new and unexplored land. So? Change your number, and tell those who need to know. Simple. 2
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