Randomguy87 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 So I met this girl from on an online dating site and we were messaging for a few weeks as we were both too busy to meet up sooner. We eventually met up and went for dinner together and it went well, no awkwardness, flowing conversation, laughing, smiling and she was already holding my hand as we left. As I dropped her home we both went in for the kiss and it became quite a passionate one. We went on a couple more dates over the next few weeks and they both went just as well, fun, plenty of banter, touching, hand holding and good goodbye kisses. So I had no doubt things were going well and that we both liked each other, although neither of us have actually said it. However, recently it seems like she is either playing hard to get or she is flaking on me. On the last date I asked if she would be willing to meet me in my city (she lives an hour drive away in another city, I have a car but she doesn't) she said she'd be happy to get the train down. I asked if she was doing anything the weekend after christmas and she said she probably wasn't. After christmas I asked her if she wanted to come down Saturday, but she said she had planned to go for food with her flatmate to catch up with her, but asked when I'd be free the following week. I asked if she would come down the following weekend for food/drinks out and she agreed. Last night I texted her to confirm when she'd be arriving and she gave me the time her train arrived. This morning about 4 hours before I was supposed to meet her she texted me saying she's really sorry but she has to cancel today cos she's been throwing up all morning and thinks it was the takeaway food she ordered last night. She didn't mention rescheduling or anything. I replied saying that's too bad but these things happen and I hope she gets better soon. I get the impression she is a really genuine, sweet girl and not the type to lie or mess people around so I want to believe her, but I logged into the dating website we met on and she was online so that is making me slightly worried. I'm thinking I should probably wait and see if she initiates contact to arrange something else, but I am tempted to text her and ask how she's feeling now (6 hours since she texted me) but maybe I shouldn't. Should I just wait? It has been 2 weeks since our last date and its difficult to see her any time other than the weekend because of work and distance. It's hard to know where we stand now, what do you think?
truth_seeker Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Yes, she is flaking. I think she got nervous to come see you. She was probably comfortable going at the pace you guys were going at. Hanging out, holding hands, no pressure. Going to visit you says things are progressing further and in the back of head it could mean she's stays over, has sex with you. Another possibility is she is dating other people and was testing you out. By going to visit you, it takes your dating to another level and she might not want that with you, or with you just yet. She wants to see if other men might be a better fit for her.
weee111 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Well if you believe that she is really not feeling well, then it's not that much of a stretch to believe that she is just bored and curled up on the couch messing around on the internet. 1
Author Randomguy87 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Yes, she is flaking. I think she got nervous to come see you. She was probably comfortable going at the pace you guys were going at. Hanging out, holding hands, no pressure. Going to visit you says things are progressing further and in the back of head it could mean she's stays over, has sex with you. Another possibility is she is dating other people and was testing you out. By going to visit you, it takes your dating to another level and she might not want that with you, or with you just yet. She wants to see if other men might be a better fit for her. She wouldn't have been thinking she might be staying over or anything since I don't actually live there and she knows that. I live a half hour drive from the city I was meant to meet her in, but it is closer to me than it is to her and it was quite clear that we'd be hanging out same as before then going home and she seemed enthusiastic about coming down, including last night when we were texting to confirm. I'm not sure if she has the time to date several people, but she could be talking to others. I'm not sure if I should wait for her to contact me again, or text her to ask how she's feeling?
veggirl Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Don't contact her again, she cancelled and should have offered a reschedule and would have if she was into you. The take-out food poisoning is most likely a lie and sudden illness seems like a common blow-off technique.
truth_seeker Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Don't contact her again, she cancelled and should have offered a reschedule and would have if she was into you. The take-out food poisoning is most likely a lie and sudden illness seems like a common blow-off technique. I have a question: she goes out on dates with him, holds hands, they kiss, and just like that, she's not into him? Can you explain this behavior? Talk about confusion!
truth_seeker Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 She wouldn't have been thinking she might be staying over or anything since I don't actually live there and she knows that. I live a half hour drive from the city I was meant to meet her in, but it is closer to me than it is to her and it was quite clear that we'd be hanging out same as before then going home and she seemed enthusiastic about coming down, including last night when we were texting to confirm. I'm not sure if she has the time to date several people, but she could be talking to others. I'm not sure if I should wait for her to contact me again, or text her to ask how she's feeling? You could in a week or so message her, if she doesn't message you first, and ask her how she's doing, what she's up to. If she doesn't respond, delete her number.
veggirl Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I have a question: she goes out on dates with him, holds hands, they kiss, and just like that, she's not into him? Can you explain this behavior? Talk about confusion! No I can't explain it. I don't go on multiple dates or kiss guys I'm lukewarm about. Some people do though, to see if the "spark" builds or something, I guess. My guess is she met someone else she liked better on the dating site they were on.
Author Randomguy87 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 You could in a week or so message her, if she doesn't message you first, and ask her how she's doing, what she's up to. If she doesn't respond, delete her number. I'll be following this advice. If she does message me first and try to arrange another date then the power is in my hands. If she doesn't text me for a week I'll text her and try and start again from scratch, flirt, act cool, not display any insecurity and try to restore the attraction we had in the first place. The only thing that could've truly killed my chances is if she has met someone else (especially if he's local to her). She might have even been genuinely sick, but not saying can we reschedule is not a good sign. I gotta play the waiting game now, god I hate being in the dark all the time so frustrating!
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Sometimes a kiss tells you if there is an attraction when you are on the fence.
SJC2008 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 When it comes to OLD your motto should be that they're flakes and liars until proven otherwise! Same goes for the ladies. She probably is flaking because she is multi-dating. I don't mind if a few dates overlap but after that it isn't the way to go IMO. I was just in a situation like that and she was honest about wanting to date around (credit to her). I should of bailed but didn't and got hurt. Don't worry though, the guy she flaked on you for will pump and dump her and then you'll hear from her again.
truth_seeker Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Don't worry though, the guy she flaked on you for will pump and dump her and then you'll hear from her again. When you put it that way, why even bother? That's like someone taking several bites from a sandwich and saying: "I'm full. You can have the rest." Yuck.
Author Randomguy87 Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Ok an update here. I didn't contact her for a few days after that, but then I gave in and texted her three days later just to ask hows things and if she's feeling better. She replied quickly saying she only started feeling human again since yesterday. Then we sent a few texts back and forth just joking around and then I ended on another joke ending with 'We should catch up sometime'. She didn't reply to that although it was around her bedtime by that point. The next evening around the time she'd normally be home I tried calling her because I wanted to have a proper conversation with her, try and build up a bit of rapport, then I was gonna tell her that i didn't want to seem too forward or put any pressure on her by asking her to meet me closer to where I live and that I wanted to take things slow and that the only reason I wanted to do that was so that we could both have a few drinks rather than me being the one driving, then to say I was busy this weekend, but next weekend it would be good to pick her up from her place again and maybe do something simple like go for food.... but she didn't answer, but texted me straight after saying she's still walking home from work but she'll drop me a text in a bit. She then texted me making small talk like the food she'd just had and asking how my day's been. We then sent a few texts back and forth bantering. She mentioned trying to lose her christmas weight so I said "You'd still look great, although you did lose a few points and go down a few places on my league table after Sunday's no show. What you gonna do to avoid the relegation zone hehe x" No reply that night but it was approaching midnight, but next morning she texted "Hey, sorry I didn't reply last night. I was sound asleep in bed x" I replied an hour later (11.30) saying "Just getting up for work now! It's a hard life. It would be nice if you made up for it though. You could make me spring rolls to take to work x" (she is of chinese descent and prides herself on her awesome chinese cooking) No reply, but she was at work (she has a very stressful job that she hates, she spends all day giving legal advice over the phone). That was today, Friday and I expect she is out with friends tonight, which may be a good reason for the lack of response. I'm not up to much tonight, but I will be out with friends tomorrow. I have been thinking about whether or not to say the things I wanted to say to her when I tried to call her in a Facebook message instead, maybe tomorrow afternoon, or to wait and see if she texts me again. The thing is the last few days in the evening, if I log onto the dating website we met on, she is online between about 9-11pm (not tonight though, so probably out). On one hand I think I should give her space and just be patient, but on the other hand I am worried I am going to lose her to someone else if I don't act quick enough and get her to agree to another date. I don't want to come across as needy or desperate, but I also don't want to give her too much space so that she get's bored and goes out with someone else. Sorry this is so long, but I couldn't describe the situation any simpler. What advice can anyone give me?
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