lonely_optimus Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Here's a brief story of my marriage: Married for 8 years, no kids , migrated in US because my wife petition me. Work hard to have a good quality of life..Only debts is our mortgage. Issue: Financial , Not agreeing on certain things (i.e wife's career improvement, not feeling the help from wife about our financial obligation ) Our situation: Finance: 80-90% I cover our expenses , 10 - 20% wife contribute Our main argument is whenever I encourage my wife to find a new job or go to school and get a career she is very hesitant although she complain a lot in her current job. I don't feel that she is really helping our financial obligation, She is stuck to her fair share of contribution a month no more no less. I don't have friends here because she is very strict me going out. We had argument last Nov 2012 and not even speak to each other for about a week and she also tell me that if its not because of her I am not here in US, That is really a low blow but I am the one who work hard to have a comfortable life like where we are now. I am falling out of love with my wife , When we decide to be separated she said she is ready although after the argument we are back again in our normal mode and everything looks normal but deep inside we still have this argument that is not resolve. Now I feel like I want to get out of this relationship but I feel sad if I go.. I just want to have an agreement with her to end our relationship in a way that both of us will move on. What would be the best thing I can do?
Mystery2Me Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Lonely_Optimus I am sorry for what you are going thru. From what you described your wife has trust and secruity issues that pre-dates your marriage; hence her reservations with you going out. Also before marriage the both of you discuss and decide the topics of money, house work, cooking; along with what role each of you will contribute once married? If not then it is very possible that each of you are making the big decisions from two separate schools of thought. I would suggest marriage counseling as you still love your wife. The two of you have a chance to course correct and get on the same page by gaining an understanding about the two different perspectives being applied in the marriage. Then thru joint compromise you can develop a single agreed upon marriage perspective to apply going forward. Of course the new plan will still need to be tweaked and refined, but that is what marriage is about adjusting to new challenges and changes "together" Overall true communication is needed, because trying to read each others mind and deciding for yourself the other's motivation to make decisions is not productive. Good luck to you.
jf2good Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 If your wife is complaining about 20% how will she feel if she has to supporting herself 100%? It doesn't matter she sponsored you, that should never be held over your head. Your wife doesn't want you to have friends as you might see what is a normal relationship should be. I am sure she doesn't want the relationship to end as she has been in control and doesn't want to give that up. She will blame you for ending it and never accept her role in it's demise.
Author lonely_optimus Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 thank you for the feedback...my wife really has a trust and security issues...She is also not interested for any marriage counselling. I am on a testing mode like trying to go out by myself without asking permission from her i never done that from the 8 years of marriage will see if she will make a big deal out of it, If thats the case then that would be my turning point.
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