The OW telling a BS who may or may not know...

[Decorative]

Well as you say we are all allowed to have our opinion, and it is my opinion that when someone is trying to mislead or give a bad advise to someone is good to point it out...

Lets say for example this person would ask if having an affair with a underage would be ok and someone would say that it is indeed ok... I would find important to say that that is NOT ok... Well cheating is also not OK and disclosure is a RIGHT for the betrayed... there are things that are not opinions... are plain right or plain wrong... killing is wrong, raping is wrong... cheating and deceiving people is wrong... has nothing to do with opinions...

 

I am quoting this because it needs to be said twice.

[Steen719]

OK; this is just a general post and not directed at anyone. (I don't want to get called out by the monitors)

 

You know how you have those people in your life, maybe at work, who always have something negative to say or they are just trying to get your blood going? You know, really know, that most of what they say is to get you going, but you find it so hard to ignore them. Sometimes what they say is so ridiculous, you sputter as you try to argue with them. Anyway, arguing with my XH was sort of like this and so, if I could say one of the positive things that happened because of the way he did this, I have developed a better way to deal with him and other people who get such a kick of upsetting me for the sake of either just being heard or trying to push their stupid will on me. I act as if he didn't text or email and if he were to post here, I would act as if he were not posting. I am amazed at how little I care about what he (and those other arguers who argue for the sake of arguing or think they are special because they think differently) thinks when I realize they do not impact me and also, they are so obvious, it is sort of sad.

 

Just saying.

[skylarblue]

Skylar, I can appreciate that everyone has their own opinions, but I really wanted to hear from the BSs. Its not about me anymore. And its not about the exMM anymore. Our fun is over. Now its about her.

I don't care what any professional says, either. I care how she feels.

 

I got the BSs address out of the white pages. Boy, I wish I had an e-mail address instead; a lot less difficult to intercept.

 

I just read this after my last post. What you said are the things I posted and/or tried to reiterate in my posts. I'm sorry if you missed that.

[buckeyeblue]

OW9 - you are awesome!!! I think I love you!! (I will let you know when my divorce from WH is final, wink, wink)! :laugh:

[skylarblue]

The OP asked for opinions of BS', not opinions of psych professionals.

 

I stated that several times. I'm not the one who brought up or expanded the professionals talk. Thank you. Read the others posts and you'll see that

[skylarblue]

Well as you say we are all allowed to have our opinion, and it is my opinion that when someone is trying to mislead or give a bad advise to someone is good to point it out...

Lets say for example this person would ask if having an affair with a underage would be ok and someone would say that it is indeed ok... I would find important to say that that is NOT ok... Well cheating is also not OK and disclosure is a RIGHT for the betrayed... there are things that are not opinions... are plain right or plain wrong... killing is wrong, raping is wrong... cheating and deceiving people is wrong... has nothing to do with opinions...

 

Apples and oranges. I'm speaking moral issues and not legal issues. The the law dictates your legal (not moral) examples of rape and killing (although many laws are of a moral issues) and punishes you for them. One's own conscience and integrity dictates morals.

 

As your examples, killing is wrong? Is it in war as a soldier? Is killing wrong when your life is in danger? If someone walks into a school with a gun and starts shooting is it wrong to kill them? Is that not moral? Well I guess you may think so if you want to use your black or white stand that killing is wrong, but as I stated I believe sometimes there are exceptions. Statutory rape I believe is wrong? Should I call it immoral in countries/tribes were girls prepare to be married at the age of 9 or married at the age of 11, 12, or 13? What about abortion (speaking of your examples of killing and rape)? Is it right or wrong? Is it wrong unless it's rape (since you did bring up the rape issue)? Is it killing a child? Is someone immoral if they do the opposite of what you agree? Is it okay not tell if you have founded fear you or your children will be harmed/killed. It happens (btw one of the possible exceptions the professionals give). Just saying.

 

All I expressed was you can have an opinion, you can express whether you agree or not with someone else's and the how's and why's opinion wrong. There's no need to try to convince me personally (me in the general since). If your opinion is a logically one, it will speak for itself (they are like ass h*les you know). You'd want people to expand the same courtesy to you, those with a different view from you, who may feel you're just as wrong as you think they are (that's why arguing opinions are useless, but discussing them possibly insightful). I really just try to hear people's opinions without the judgement, but that's just me.

 

Unlike you, I'm not arguing the opinion of if it's right or wrong. I merely stated my advice pertaining to her situation (which btw I never said whether it was right or wrong for her to disclose) and that contrary to some things that were written indeed there were professionals that provided exceptions to

or descent from disclosure.

 

 

You know, many people fail to realize the difference between facts and opinions/views when trying to get the point across. I pointed out a fact (something that can be proven) and you took it as my personal opinion (without even reading anything I was referring to may I add) or even asking.

 

Personally, I really try to keep and extend that in mind. Perhaps you should've directed your response to the original poster giving her your view on why she should disclose instead I'm trying to convince I'm wrong (which again I never said whether I believe it was right or wrong).

 

BTW I never told the thread started simply don't tell. I suggested that it might not be wise to do so if your ONLY intentions is not to cause pain. Otherwise I told her to do as her conscience and heart leads her and to take particular consideration of what the BSs advised (and related that I was not). I think I gave her good advice, but that's my OPINION. Have you not read my posts? Damn, did no one see that. I said it now in like 4 separate posts.

Edited January 7, 2013 by skylarblue
Note: summitted without proof reading

[ow9]

Well before this gets totally out of control...lol

 

I am definitely sending the letter. I am sweating I'm so nervous.

ExMM knows where I live, and that I live alone. So, if I don't update you, BS told him I contacted her and I'm probably handcuffed to a dumpster somewhere. But who knows, she may tell me what bluebuckeye said. Ok ok, now I'm just being ridiculous.

 

I really thank all of you for your input. I'm not proud of what I've done. But since I can't change it, I can only try to make it better and move on from here.

[whichwayisup]

Well before this gets totally out of control...lol

 

I am definitely sending the letter. I am sweating I'm so nervous.

ExMM knows where I live, and that I live alone. So, if I don't update you, BS told him I contacted her and I'm probably handcuffed to a dumpster somewhere. But who knows, she may tell me what bluebuckeye said. Ok ok, now I'm just being ridiculous.

 

I really thank all of you for your input. I'm not proud of what I've done. But since I can't change it, I can only try to make it better and move on from here.

 

Then ask a friend to come stay with you. Or go visit some friends or family..

 

Seriously, if you are afraid he'll come to your place, don't hesitate to call 911. DON'T answer the door if he shows up.

[Steen719]

Did you try to locate the email address?

[ow9]

Did you try to locate the email address?

 

Gr. No. He and I were never facebook friends but I just stalked him like a compete creeper and they're not friends. How are you not facebook friends with your own wife?! Lol ugh. Snail mail is a very sketchy way to go, but they have a very common last name. That would be my luck in trying to reconcile.

[Steen719]

Gr. No. He and I were never facebook friends but I just stalked him like a compete creeper and they're not friends. How are you not facebook friends with your own wife?! Lol ugh. Snail mail is a very sketchy way to go, but they have a very common last name. That would be my luck in trying to reconcile.

 

Google how to get her email address. It was easy and it was cheap. That way, the email can be sent - no snail mail. Also, can you find her on FB? You do not have to be friends to send a message. I did this with OW.

[Sauron]

You cheated, I don't need to know anything further than that nor I care anymore about the other 2 sides of the history (only the BS is important to me)... you cheat = you are wrong... but is not that you are wrong about what you did to you wife what makes you such a despicable person (not only)... it is the fact that you come to a forum to brag about that like it would be the best life option there is. Your life philosophy can work for you but don't try to sell it here, as I said before we don't buy it ...

 

First I am not bragging. Second, I agree with the "WE" the group all think alike, you are a perfect representative. You don't know me. I am a father, very family oriented, a business owner, a volunteer in my community, and so on, but to you I am a despicable . I would say that people that spend all day on online sites dispensing bad advice to vulnerable people might be more in the despicable catagory. I think the majority come here listen to what people say, make their own decsions and move on, but some of you seem to have found your second home here, but apparently you can't tolerate and other opinions than those you and the group think are right. You would probably like all us cheaters burned at the stake and I bet you are the kind of person that would light a fire or two.

[Sauron]

OK, so why did your spouse cheat? Was it all on him or her and you had no role in it? You were the perfect partner were you? Meet all your spouses needs, were fun and cheerful to be around, and what, your spouse wakes up one day and say things are so perfect with my partner I am going to have an affair?

[Sauron]

It is to the day of today that I ask myself why my wife cheated... we had our problems like every average married couple but we were happy (both of us). She got horny wit a nice looking guy and screw him... how is that my bad? Didn't I gave her sex? Of course I did... she just got horny and thought I would not find out I guess... but I won't take any part on her doing... Even if she was unsatisfied with anything she should have talked to me and in a extreme situation to divorce and move on... but she just screwed around...

Anyhow I am now married to a marvelous woman and have a 2 years son.

 

That is more or less simplified my story... now a further question... how would you like to know your wife had been cheating to you your whole life and even your children are not yours????

 

I would be fine with my wife having a lover if she were discret about it. As to the children, they are all adults, I love them unconditionally.

[Sauron]

That didn't answer my question, how would it feel to know that they are not yours?

 

Yes I did, you are not very quick on the uptake are you? They are adults and I love them unconditionally, I raised them whether the sperm was mine or not they are my children. However, I am 100% positive they are mine, but I would bet there are many men raising someones elses. Just the way humans are in the world we inhabit.

[William]

Closed for review by moderation.