neveragain34 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I'm so mad at myself! I don't even want the exMM back and I made contact today and am totally regretting it. I clearly acted crazy in my contact after I have been doing so well! Do they drive OW crazy? Or just me?? Here's what happened... I had my first date tonight with someone new since the break up about a month ago. I was so nervous, I decided to have a drink while getting ready to ease the nerves. While getting ready, my temporary crown came off my tooth and I panicked!!! The exMM is a dentist so I texted him and said "I hate you but I don't know what else to do. My temporary crown fell off. What do I do?????" He replied, "Walmart sells temporary cement." Then I said, "What do I do with it? Do I really need it if I had the root canal on that tooth?". Then he said "are you serious?" (As if my tooth question was so absurd?). That irritated me so I said, "nevermind, forget I texted. I was in a panic." And he said "erase my contact info" (FYI...I told his wife about A and he isn't happy with me). This is where the crazy me comes in....I replied, "I did! I can't erase things from my mind you know." No reply from him so I tried to push his buttons by saying "Do you want to kill me? Choke me?" (Why did I say that??? WTF?) Still no reply. I texted AGAIN and said "guess so. Just checking. Have fun with your new gf tonight. Poor thing." (I don't think he has a new gf; I just said that. Again, WTF?) He never replies, I go on my date. 4 hours later on way home from date and even more wine in me, I decide Im finally going to drop off the box of crap of his that's been sitting in my car so I text again after being ignored earlier and say "On westside driving home from a horrible date. Dropping a box of Crap at your apt in 10 min. Keep your gf inside please." I take the box, leave it at his doorstep, and leave. I don't think he was home. His car was not there and he never replied to my texts. (For those of you that have not seen my old posts, he does not live with his wife or I never would have taken the stuff there. She is 8 hours away in another city. He is an officer/dentist in the military here and had his own apt. I'm guessing he went home for the weekend which may be why he was brief with me or maybe he just plain hates me. Who knows.) That's my story. I'm a crazy person today. Lecture away. Ps. My date was nice.
MissBee Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Wow... No need to lecture. I'm sure that was embarrassing enough. You'll look back on this and find it funny one day. But this should hopefully help you to keep NC in the future. It's like you open a can of worms and cannot stop from verbally vomiting. I've been there. I scarred my own self and made it a point to turn my phone off and throw it away if I feel I'm about to do something like that. I'm glad your date was nice.
rys Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 hahaha drunk texting no lecture here. i'm not sure if you'll do it again. 1
Author neveragain34 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 So you were drink driving? Yes, I guess I was. I had two glasses of wine.
Sparkly24 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 ha ha I love this post! Using all possible resources in an emergency situation. Your teeth breaks, who do you know that's a dentist? Get on it! Its just a shame he was so dismissive, that is probably what made your emotions come out. If it had been the other way round and he had texted you with an emergency problem you would have done your best to help wouldn't you? If he had just been careful of your emotions and been a little more concerning and respectful to you then he probably would not have gotten a stream of emotional texts from you. I like this, you were not submissive, you didn't listen and respect his wishes, even though he ignored your texts you still pushed your way in. He needs to take responsibility for hurting you at one point, and he needs to understand that he cannot just hurt amazing people and then make them go away when he wants them to. He had to take notice of you. Anyway, enough about him, do you think you will see the date again?
Author neveragain34 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 ha ha I love this post! Using all possible resources in an emergency situation. Your teeth breaks, who do you know that's a dentist? Get on it! Its just a shame he was so dismissive, that is probably what made your emotions come out. If it had been the other way round and he had texted you with an emergency problem you would have done your best to help wouldn't you? If he had just been careful of your emotions and been a little more concerning and respectful to you then he probably would not have gotten a stream of emotional texts from you. I like this, you were not submissive, you didn't listen and respect his wishes, even though he ignored your texts you still pushed your way in. He needs to take responsibility for hurting you at one point, and he needs to understand that he cannot just hurt amazing people and then make them go away when he wants them to. He had to take notice of you. Anyway, enough about him, do you think you will see the date again? I'm glad you liked my silly post. I'm laughing at myself now as I think back to tonight's texts. Funny where our minds take us sometimes. And yes, I was getting more irritated that he was ignoring me. I'm thinking he was back home for the weekend because I got an email from him a couple of hours ago; he usually only emails when he's at home so his wife doesn't see him texting. The email said "Do a favor. Take a picture of the strong of texts you sent last night" to which I replied, "This doesn't even make sense. You and your gf must be drunk and drugged up; just like you like them. Did she like the toys I left you guys?" (Our sex toys were in the box of stuff I left on his apt doorstep.) I shouldn't have left an open-ended question like that since he will probably respond, but it was meant to be caddy, not for an actual response. Yes, I will see my date again; he already asked for next weekend! I was so worried and nervous about going on this date, thinking it was too soon and I'm not back to my normal self after the A, so I think all of my emotions contributed to my lapse in text judgement today as well. Surprisingly, I was able to get back to my old self and we had a lot of fun. No kiss though; I was afraid my temporary crown would fall off again!! Haha
Yasuandio Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I so wish you had just FedExed the box of goodies to his wife to pass on to him. Perhaps receiving a surprise package would have "inspired" her.
Author neveragain34 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 I so wish you had just FedExed the box of goodies to his wife to pass on to him. Perhaps receiving a surprise package would have "inspired" her. Nothing will inspire this poor woman. I have spoken to her and given her all of the evidence she needs. She listened to the thousands of voicemails he left me in which he said how much he loved me, how happy I made him, etc. Her response was that he has cheated on her 19 times and she was leaving this time. I highly doubt that if she hasn't by now. Again, I'm pretty sure he was back home last night which proves my point of her not leaving. I deleted all voicemails, texts, and emails this week. The box of things (letters, cards, photos, sex toys, gifts from him, his tshirt I slept in, etc) was my final step in moving on. I have no more positive things to refer to anymore or remind me of him, other than my memories. Out of site; out of mind. 1
jwi71 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Nothing will inspire this poor woman. I have spoken to her and given her all of the evidence she needs. She listened to the thousands of voicemails he left me in which he said how much he loved me, how happy I made him, etc. Her response was that he has cheated on her 19 times and she was leaving this time. I highly doubt that if she hasn't by now. Again, I'm pretty sure he was back home last night which proves my point of her not leaving. I deleted all voicemails, texts, and emails this week. The box of things (letters, cards, photos, sex toys, gifts from him, his tshirt I slept in, etc) was my final step in moving on. I have no more positive things to refer to anymore or remind me of him, other than my memories. Out of site; out of mind. Clearly out of sight out of mind isn't accurate - witness this thread. As far as breaking NC...it happens. Did it make you feel good? Did you accomplish what you set out to do? I'm sure those questions have no real relevance as no thinking was preceding them - well, wine, but that isn't thinking. Which brings me to my point. As much as you are want to say out of sight out of mind - its clearly not true. Grieve some more. In time, you will meet a guy and your thoughts will be of him, not your xMM. As of the guy you were dating - rebound. Sounds like you are on your way to a better life than what you have known. The only way to NOT get there is to quit - so don't.
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Yes, I guess I was. I had two glasses of wine. This is worse than making contact with your exMM. You are extremely lucky you didn't get into an accident or worse, hurt yourself or someone else. If you had been caught DUI, that's a huge fine and suspension of your license. Sorry don't mean to lecture..This is just a sore subject for me as I've lost someone who was killed by a drunk driver. Please don't drink and drive. You screwed up and reached out to exMM and then went overboard. Don't text again...Not even to apologize. He doesn't want to hear from you.. As much as that may hurt, you need to try to leave him alone forever. 2
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Nothing will inspire this poor woman. I have spoken to her and given her all of the evidence she needs. She listened to the thousands of voicemails he left me in which he said how much he loved me, how happy I made him, etc. Her response was that he has cheated on her 19 times and she was leaving this time. I highly doubt that if she hasn't by now. Again, I'm pretty sure he was back home last night which proves my point of her not leaving. Stay out of it. You've shown her evidence, and it's up to her now to decide how she handles it. you get no say whatsoever in how they either fix or end their marriage. If she chooses to stay, so be it. She doesn't owe you any explanation to the why's and how's of her staying and not divorcing. 1
spice4life Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 LOL! Those da*n drunk texts. Brush it off and carry on. We all make mistakes.
Author neveragain34 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Clearly out of sight out of mind isn't accurate - witness this thread. As far as breaking NC...it happens. Did it make you feel good? Did you accomplish what you set out to do? I'm sure those questions have no real relevance as no thinking was preceding them - well, wine, but that isn't thinking. Which brings me to my point. As much as you are want to say out of sight out of mind - its clearly not true. Grieve some more. In time, you will meet a guy and your thoughts will be of him, not your xMM. As of the guy you were dating - rebound. Sounds like you are on your way to a better life than what you have known. The only way to NOT get there is to quit - so don't. You're right; out of site, out of mind isn't completely accurate, but it helps to be rid of those things. In the past, I would waste time crying and torturing myself as I replayed every voicemail and read every text, email, etc, trying to make sense of it all. Getting rid of everything was a huge step for me. To answer your question about how breaking NC made me feel, I really don't feel much other than stupid for the things I said. I did not accomplish anything either; other than the tooth advice, I don't know what I set out to accomplish through those crazy texts to begin with. It was just an embarrassing chain reaction I guess. I hope the new guy is not a rebound; he's a great catch and we have a lot in common. I don't find that a lot where I live. I've already had rebound sex with someone else a couple of weeks ago and did not enjoy it at all. It was awkward being with someone else other than the exMM and he was horrible in bed in comparison to him. I hope all post-affair sex isn't like that! I normally put all my eggs in one basket when I like someone, but I am going to continue to date a lot of other people even though I like the guy from last night. I am looking at my life closely as a result of the A and trying to do things differently now so I don't keep making the same mistakes.
bentnotbroken Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 This is worse than making contact with your exMM. You are extremely lucky you didn't get into an accident or worse, hurt yourself or someone else. If you had been caught DUI, that's a huge fine and suspension of your license. Sorry don't mean to lecture..This is just a sore subject for me as I've lost someone who was killed by a drunk driver. Please don't drink and drive. You screwed up and reached out to exMM and then went overboard. Don't text again...Not even to apologize. He doesn't want to hear from you.. As much as that may hurt, you need to try to leave him alone forever. I take it OP has never lost a family member to a drunk driver...it ain't fun and it is not a mistake but a choice. Try to remember that the next time. 1
spice4life Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 ahhh don't beat yourself up too much OP... drunk texting is a nasty thing.... hence why i don't actually take my phone out with me these days.... next day regret is was a hobby of mine, and I say the daftest things when drunk.... not angry... more like let's get married, have kids and a dog etc etc... like proper cringe stuff!!! :laugh: Hahaha! Very funny. I can't remember the last time I sent a drunk text, but I was definitely guilty of it in the past! Never send texts when your emotions are experiencing a temporary malfunction. Sleep on it first! 1
Author neveragain34 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 I take it OP has never lost a family member to a drunk driver...it ain't fun and it is not a mistake but a choice. Try to remember that the next time. No, I haven't and I'm very sorry that you all have. I am by no means defending my irresponsible behavior, but I don't think I was drunk enough to affect my driving abilities off of two glasses of wine during the date and another drink a couple of hours before the date while getting ready. Yes, my inhibitions were lowered, but not to the point of a sloppy, drunk, slurred state. Lowered inhibitions, with the combination of the first date emotions of getting out there again, all contributed to the texts. I promise you I will think twice though next time. Sorry if I've offended you with my driving.
bentnotbroken Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 No, I haven't and I'm very sorry that you all have. I am by no means defending my irresponsible behavior, but I don't think I was drunk enough to affect my driving abilities off of two glasses of wine during the date and another drink a couple of hours before the date while getting ready. Yes, my inhibitions were lowered, but not to the point of a sloppy, drunk, slurred state. Lowered inhibitions, with the combination of the first date emotions of getting out there again, all contributed to the texts. I promise you I will think twice though next time. Sorry if I've offended you with my driving. Offended...no. A little pissed...yes. I don't know if you have seen the commercial with a split screen showing the same guy doing the same thing...but with two different slogans. Buzzed driving and drunk driving...the point is they look exactly the same. I would like to suggest there be no next time. Some things can't be undone.
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