breezy Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 If someone tells you that they enjoy dating you and want to continue to see you, but they are not "ready for a relationship", should that be a sign to back off. Its only been a month and granted we are BOTH super busy people and can't always take the time needed to devote to someone. Its hard enough to find time for ourselves. We are both in our 30's, have tons of friends, career minded, own our own business, etc so daily things do get in our way. I just feel that I have always rushed into realtionships. 2 months into a realtionship and I am telling them I love them and vise versa. Maybe for the first time in my life, I need to learn how to be friends with someone before us getting too serious. Most of the time, when its rushed....then they get so scared. I just find that I am at a time in my life where I am not sure I can do this. Maybe I put too many expectations on men and the relationship. Like I expect after a month they should be checking in with me and wanting to be around me all the time. He said he wants to continue to date and maybe in the future have something more? We have the BEST time together.
Girlie Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 You sound a lot like me. For me, I've always wanted to be loved SO badly that I just dive head first into things, hoping that I'll find it around every corner. My advice to you is to go ahead and take it slow. There's no need to rush into something. It often leads to heartbreak because things end up not working out in the long run. Since you're used to jumping into things, it's probably not easy to try something new. Think of it as trying someone on to see if they fit. I know that probably sounds cheesy, but that's kind of what dating is. If you catch yourself placing too many expectations on the relationship, have a talk with yourself about NOT doing that. You have a good time with him. You deserve to have a good time. Keep doing that and don't worry so much about "relationships" and expectations. I know that's easier said than done, but give it a try.
Author breezy Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 Hey Girlie, Thanks for the advice. He did tell me that he has always dove in head strong too and he would like to take it slow and see what happens. He told me that can not find one thing that is wrong with me. Maybe he is scared. I can be a little intimidating:). I just have the greatest time with him and vise versa. What about if we are sleeping together? Should that throw things off a little?
chicasha Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 i'm happy for you.....!! i wish i could be in your position right now. I too fall in love too soon. I went out with this guy a few times over summer (i'm 27, he's 30)...and everytime was incrediblely better than the previous time. It was deep...but at the same time care-free and just the BEST time ever. Then...out of no-where...he doesn't call me as much. Very infrequently. Its going on a week now since i talked to him last...before that.....same thing would've happened if I hadn't initiated first. He was supposed to come and see me (he lives about an hour and half away)....he got sick (or so he says....i want to give him the benefit of the doubt tho).....but hasn't made any plans to reschedule. So...i'm guessing this means its over..? But..honestly....nothing happened...nothing that would make me think anything was wrong. We're both very busy people too...careers..travelling...family (i have a huge family, and have had a lot of weddings, graduation parties, etc that i'd already committed to attending this summer). He has family issues too....his mom's moving back to Italy in the spring, and being that his dad and sister passed away over the last few years...he's the only one who can help support his mom, and make sure she's all set to move away for good (selling her house...taking care of finances...etc.). Other than that...he has his own worries, just like I do, w/ his job, etc. Maybe...the fact he hasn't called is truly because he's overwhelmed with stuff. Maybe he's just not interested......but i find that really hard to imagine, since we had SUCH a good time on our dates. I don't know. Maybe he wants to take things slow. Its tough...because unlike you.......we haven't talked about this stuff at all..and now he's so inaccessible, as he's not returning emails or phone-calls very frequently. ugh. i don't know what to do. Maybe...ur right...maybe like in ur case...he got scared, b/c I did reveal to him that I liked him and wanted to spend more time with him, but that i wasn't sure what his intentions were. I didn't think that was a 'scary' thing to say...i was just being honest, and just wanted to know where we stood. is that so bad? :-( In any case....i'm glad u went for it.....and did find out where you stand. You're so lucky! good for you...I hope it goes well!!! As for me...any words of advice would be appreciated........:-(
Girlie Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Women have a tendency to equate sex with love and devotion. If you think that's something you'll do, then talk with him honestly about that. There's nothing wrong with not jumping into the sack right away. It sounds like the two of you can talk about things. Talk. Communication is so important.
Author breezy Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 Chicasha, I probably would not worry too much if he has not called. If you two had such a great time, he will call you back. I do think we put too many expectation on others rather than focusing on ourselfs and what WE want. You should find someone who can fit into your life not readjust it all for them. I have to remind myself of that. Here lately I have been going from one realtionship to the next, but I am slowly learning that being alone isnt that bad, but when you do find someone who is compatible and you both enjoy hanging out, its hard to wonder and expect things from them. Of course most of the time, we are in 5th gear and men are in 1st gear. Its good to be open and honest. I say if they cant respect the fact that I am straight up and honest and communicate then screw them. I like to speak my mind even though I might not like the response, at least I asked the question and I know up front what I am putting myself into and then I am the only one responsible for the outcome. I am the only one who can determine my attitude and so are you. Its up to you if you want to deal with a flake. The guy I see is the KING of flake. But I know that is how he is with eveyone, so for now I deal with it, he knows it bothers me because I told him and he has been much better at it. Because I told him how I felt.
Recommended Posts