apiman Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 All this week we've been doing introductory events at my college. At dinner the other day, I met a girl at my table who I'd really like to get to know. She seemed really nice asking questions about myself, but her group had to leave before me. The only time I've seen her all week has been twice at dinner, the second time I was already seated and didn't get to talk with her. I'd like to talk with her more, and I'm really just looking for a nice girlfriend who I can confide in. She lives in the hall across from me about a football field away, but I don't know how I can find her after tonight's final group dinner. I'd like to go sit with her and get some more info from her so I can contact her in the future, but how should I go about it? I mean do I just sit down with her and her friends and start flirting with her? That seems rather rude, but I'm not sure how else I can do it. I'd like to ask her to go to one of the restaurants nearby, but I'm not sure when I should be paying for her. The rules must be different from high school since college students have such tight budgets, so I don't know if I'm going to offend her by not paying all the time.. lastly, like I said I like to take things slow, and I'm worried that'll make her think I don't like her. Can you guys just give me some advice? Thanks.
Author apiman Posted August 19, 2004 Author Posted August 19, 2004 Well now I have a problem. Now that the intro programs are over, people don't eat at scheduled times. Therefore, I have no idea when I'll be able to see this girl again. I didn't see her at dinner tonight, so now she must be going with her friends to another one. I'm really upset now because I don't know what to do. I really want to just talk with her, but all I know is her dorm and her first name. If I go around asking about her I'm afraid I'll look like a stalker, but if I do nothing and hope I bump into her, she might meet some other guy. This is very frustrating and I'd appreciate any advice.
Author apiman Posted August 19, 2004 Author Posted August 19, 2004 Yeah I have a few good friends that I've met this week.
amerikajin Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 Apiman, You're a young man. One thing I want you to realize is that you have a lot of time to fall in love, so try not to rush things. One piece of advice is not to fall for a girl - especially when you don't even know her. Of course there are going to be those certain girls who give off good vibes and make you feel a little jittery inside when you get to talk to them, but don't allow yourself to fixate on one at a time. I think what you should do instead is to keep your cards close to your chest. Dating, once you figure it out, isn't that difficult. The tough part is controlling yourself and learning that certain natural tendencies will get you bumped in the dating game. I'd talk to lots of girls, not just one. I'd get more than just one phone number. I'd get more than just one date with one girl. I'd go into the dating game with the attitude that you'll eventually get what you want when you go through enough girls and find one who gives you what you want in return. Scrap the "I just want a good girl I can cuddle up to on a warm night" pattern of thinking, because all you'll end up doing is fantasizing about each chick you meet, hoping it will turn into your fantasy or your dream. The fantasies of dating rarely reflect the realities of dating. People can be cold and shallow; people can use or abuse you, or disrespect you -- even those seemingly sweet, innocent young dolls you fantasize about can do that. That's why you've got to be slightly more detached at first in the dating process. Go in with the idea that you're going to find someone to spend at least one Thursday night doing something with - and if you both like it, maybe you'll get another night together. And meanwhile, I'd find another girl to spend a Friday night with. And another to spend a Sunday afternoon with. That's how it works.
Author apiman Posted August 19, 2004 Author Posted August 19, 2004 I understand what you're saying. I intend on going to the recreational center that's next to our dorms a lot, so I should be meeting many new woman. Plus, it increases the chance that I'll be able to run into this girl again. However, I don't know if I like the idea of taking each one I meet for a test drive. I personally think that's rather rude because while I might be able to let go and meet somebody else, they might not take it so easily. But that's just my opinion.
amerikajin Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 However, I don't know if I like the idea of taking each one I meet for a test drive. I personally think that's rather rude because while I might be able to let go and meet somebody else, they might not take it so easily. If people can't be prepared for disappointment, they shouldn't date. It's a full-contact sport. Kid, trust me, the women you date in college will have their eyes wide open. You will be just one of many guys out there available for them to date. If you're always worried about how they may react if you don't do this or do that and keep putting their needs above yours, you won't get anywhere. In fact, you'll be less attractive to them. Now, once you've found someone that you like dating, make your intentions clear and find out what her intentions are. If you both want to date exclusively, then of course, don't screw around on her. Anything short of a commitment, date who you wish.
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