Redstilettos Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Hi all, this is my first post, so I hope I have this in the right section. My daughter is graduating from high school a year early (she will be 17). She is dating someone who is friends with her older brother (going to be 20 soon). At first I was very concerned because of the age difference and maturity difference (she is average mature for her age and he seems to be mature, seeing as he is in the military). She has some self-esteem issues she is working out due to a molestation which occurred just over a year ago. She is coming back out of her shell and he is good for that. He seems to encourage her to do things, which I am pleased about. I like this guy. He has a plan and he is going for it. My son likes this guy (they were friends in high school). This is the first boy she has brought home my son hasn't threatened, so that might be a good sign. LOL. Here is where I get a tiny red flag, and I can't tell if it is me being hypersensitive because of the past molestation, or if I really do have a flag. He is on-base and she will be going to college not too far from there. She made a comment about still having some of his friends (male and female) while he is deployed in Afghanistan in June. His comment was, you can hang with the women, but none of the guys unless he is there because some, according to him, aren't trustworthy with other men's women. I was thinking, okay, he's protective, no problem. BUT. Then I made a comment a few days later about how nice it was she brought a nice guy home instead of some of the other yahoo's out there which 'graced' our home. He was very very still and kind of gave her the silent treatment for a while. He admitted he can be jealous a bit. So my concern is: Is it just because he doesn't want her hurt? He doesn't want her to leave him? Or is it something deeper where there may be a possessive issue? I don't want to continue to encourage the relationship, if there really might be the potential for him to be domineering or controlling. It is so hard to tell what is personality vs. what is military 'normalness' in attitudes. Thoughts? Please?
Treasa Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 That's a tough call, given what she's been through recently. I would say support her and make sure she knows she shouldn't ever feel uncomfortable while with a guy, and if she does, she has every right to leave that relationship or set boundaries. Since she's almost an adult, she'll make her own decisions regardless. Just make sure her self-esteem and self-respect are such that she'll make good decisions on her own, and always offer her a place to come home to where she will feel safe. Counseling may not be a bad option, given just what she's been through in the past couple of years. It helped teach me a lot about setting boundaries. 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 For some reason, your description made me feel like the opening half hour of a Lifetime movie. Honestly...and again, this is only from very limited information...I would be a bit concerned that he might be overly jealous and possessive. 1
FitChick Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 He knows his friends better than anyone else and it's entirely possible these guys took advantage of women whose husbands and boyfriends were deployed. It's quite a common occurrence and I'm sure many men live in fear of it happening to them. 1
Author Redstilettos Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 thanks all, I guess all I can do is just keep an eye on it 1
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