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If sleeping around and being promiscuous is not not wrong then why lie about it ?

DarrenK

By DarrenK
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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animalover Established Member

animalover

Posted
Posted
People need to be comforatable with who they are in regards to their sexuality and not feel shame for it. Be open on honest and if people like yourself come along then so be it. We as a race need to mature and learn to love eachother for for who we really are. Not what for the lack of acting on what is natural to us all by a society which controls women via guilt and shame.

 

It is a mechanism of control created by men out of fear of promiscuity. If it is in a mans "nature" to spread his seed then why can't it be in a womans to collect it? If genetic diversity is the key to the survival of a species then doesn't this make sense?

 

I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong about a woman sleeping around... but there is nothing wrong about a men not wanting to date or enter in a relationship with someone who does not share his values about sex...

 

I don't think a woman should be shamed for her way of understanding and living sex but I do believe that she would be truthful to herself and don't lie about who she is and what her life has been... people is in their own right to do with their body and sexuality what they want but so they are other people to rule them out of their life for their choices in life...

  • Like 1
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
People need to be comforatable with who they are in regards to their sexuality and not feel shame for it. Be open on honest and if people like yourself come along then so be it. We as a race need to mature and learn to love eachother for for who we really are. Not what for the lack of acting on what is natural to us all by a society which controls women via guilt and shame.

 

It is a mechanism of control created by men out of fear of promiscuity. If it is in a mans "nature" to spread his seed then why can't it be in a womans to collect it? If genetic diversity is the key to the survival of a species then doesn't this make sense?

 

Genetic diversity isn't the key to the survival of a species. Genetic diversity is the key to evolving from one species into a new one. We have a system of genetic stagnation. The purpose behind this is to stabilize genetics to create a uniform population. However, in the upper classes of society, people have mutating genes that give them better looks, more brains, and longer and healthier lives. This allows the upper class to keep evolving while everyone else doesn't; which always allows things to swing in their favor, keeping them upper class indefinitely. Even in the rare event a common person exudes higher intelligence or good looks, they tend to shift to a higher class rather than improve the one they were born into. Really, why would people with excellent genetics give away the most valueable thing on the planet? That's why people have been socially engineered to accept that this is how society should run, although it's nothing more than a ploy to consolidate power to a few. It works amazingly.

 

I don't even think this thread should even be about the OP's wife's promiscuous past, but rather her pathological lying and anti-social behavior. From my viewpoint, she litterally created an entire persona with the pure intention to manipulate the OP into falling for her. She did this seamingly without conscience or remorse. She's a sociopath by definition.

 

For example, look at her babies daddy. He was also a target. Sociopaths are highly susceptable to risky behavior such as random sex and drug use, and usually target people they can get things from. She picked a drug dealer because she could get drugs from him, and he had lots of cash on hand that she could get her hands on. Then she got pregnant. She realized that she didn't want to look after her kid, and the kids dad didn't either, so she left him. Then she went looking for a new target that was stable, and would raise her child so she wouldn't have to. She proceeded to profile him, and then create herself in his ideal image so that she could win him over.

 

I think this should be the real problem you should be addressing.

 

Not all promiscuous people are sociopaths, but she likely is.

  • Like 1
animalover Established Member

animalover

Posted
Posted
I really don't understand all of this focus on the past. Nobody can change it. Unless they are continuing to see a person from the past what difference does it make in your relationship? Nothing. You either love the person or you don't. If you are a person that dwells on the past then perhaps your best option is to move on to the next person who has no history.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman sleeping around in her past but the fact is that for some people it does matter.... for me is nothing else than a totally turn off...

Obviously lets say a woman sleep with every man who is nice to her and another woman is really keen to find the right guy that she makes the effort to wait to have sex till she find the right one... who will make you feel more special if would finally sleep with you?

I really like to feel that the person who sleeps with me is because I am a special person... I don't want to be just one more in the list...

 

Many people would say... the important thing is to be the last one in the list... well while that is totally true... I still want to be the last one of a very special list ...

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DarrenK Established Member

DarrenK

Posted
  • Author
Posted

R

People need to be comforatable with who they are in regards to their sexuality and not feel shame for it. Be open on honest and if people like yourself come along then so be it. We as a race need to mature and learn to love eachother for for who we really are. Not what for the lack of acting on what is natural to us all by a society which controls women via guilt and shame.

 

It is a mechanism of control created by men out of fear of promiscuity. If it is in a mans "nature" to spread his seed then why can't it be in a womans to collect it? If genetic diversity is the key to the survival of a species then doesn't this make sense?

 

I expect a response since your posting down just blab on about your views then not respond .ok first of I completely disagree about it being controlling or being insecurity lol WAY WAY OFF ...I have absolutely never wanted in my life to just "spread my seed" I'm not a hypocrite at all I am not a pig that wants to own a women or hold women below myself .

 

But I have and always will be more attracted to a classy women that's selective about choosing sexual partners .I don't in any way think its healthy to actlike animals and just go with whatever feels good and brings instant gradefication or "feels good "drugs feel good"are they healthy ?eating sweets feels good "getting angry and getting even feels good ,do we just act impulsive because some say who cares just do it?

 

And lastly I'm gunna be blunt as hell even cocky to prove a point !!I am way above averge looking and an amazing lover with an above average penis ,I'm fit make a good living and have had seriously hundreds of opportunities to get laid in my life and I didn't just sleep around I was a guy that had sex if I was truly feeling connection and love not just sex .

 

Now I bet you think its a religious thing ?WRONG!! an insecurity thing ?WRONG! Then it must be I'm some alpha male controlling guy ?WRONG LOL

I'm an incredibly sweet guy that respectful to women was raised by a single mom .

 

So my last thing is its not about shame or making people feel bad its and being honest and open when getting serious with someone your gunna date /commit too.

It is absolutely a persons business to know there partners past once it gets serious because we all get to choose what we want based on are standards .

 

Everyone is entitled to live as they please and everyone should get the choice to find there match .

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DarrenK Established Member

DarrenK

Posted
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I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman sleeping around in her past but the fact is that for some people it does matter.... for me is nothing else than a totally turn off...

Obviously lets say a woman sleep with every man who is nice to her and another woman is really keen to find the right guy that she makes the effort to wait to have sex till she find the right one... who will make you feel more special if would finally sleep with you?

I really like to feel that the person who sleeps with me is because I am a special person... I don't want to be just one more in the list...

Many people would say... the important thing is to be the last one in the list... well while that is totally true... I still want to be the last one of a very special list ...

 

very well put !I agree completely to me its just a turn off!!

aMguilts Established Member

aMguilts

Posted
Posted

darrenK you will learn one day you really will!

 

whether you are male or female...sleeping around is wrong

whatever age

why is it wrong?

It shows for a start that you have a lack of understanding and weakness

 

lets take miss smith#1

shes 20, and has already slept with 80 men

 

miss smith#2

shes 20 and has only slept with 1 man

 

mister smith#1

also 20.... he has slept with 80 women

 

mister smith#2

he`s 20

he has slept with only 1

 

ok you ALL know what i mean by `slept with`

 

given the options( and obviously by your gender)

who would you go for?

miss smith 1 or 2?

 

mister smith 1 or 2

 

and why?

 

be interesting to see the replies on this

 

am

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aMguilts Established Member

aMguilts

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nevermind........

 

aM

Edited by aMguilts
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DarrenK Established Member

DarrenK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
darrenk you will learn one day you really will!

 

Whether you are male or female...sleeping around is wrong

whatever age

why is it wrong?

It shows for a start that you have a lack of understanding and weakness

 

lets take miss smith#1

shes 20, and has already slept with 80 men

 

miss smith#2

shes 20 and has only slept with 1 man

 

mister smith#1

also 20.... He has slept with 80 women

 

mister smith#2

he`s 20

he has slept with only 1

 

ok you all know what i mean by `slept with`

 

given the options( and obviously by your gender)

who would you go for?

Miss smith 1 or 2?

 

Mister smith 1 or 2

 

and why?

 

Be interesting to see the replies on this

 

am

 

absolutely agree !!:) so why say i will learn ?i share the same values as you lol

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
darrenK you will learn one day you really will!

 

whether you are male or female...sleeping around is wrong

whatever age

why is it wrong?

It shows for a start that you have a lack of understanding and weakness

 

lets take miss smith#1

shes 20, and has already slept with 80 men

 

miss smith#2

shes 20 and has only slept with 1 man

 

mister smith#1

also 20.... he has slept with 80 women

 

mister smith#2

he`s 20

he has slept with only 1

 

ok you ALL know what i mean by `slept with`

 

given the options( and obviously by your gender)

who would you go for?

miss smith 1 or 2?

 

mister smith 1 or 2

 

and why?

 

be interesting to see the replies on this

 

am

 

I would choose smith #2. The smith girls might be identical twins, but their separate choices in lifestyle show that their personalities and ideals are much different. I would choose smith 2 because it would take less time invested to find out if she's worth keeping around. Also, the fact that she is willing to defy social norms is a positive thing to me, as I'm a rather eccentric individual myself who defies other social norms. For example, I'm an atheist, and that likely bothers a lot more people than promiscuity. I think that smith 2 would more likely accept my atheism ad other ideals about life.

 

She would take less time to know whether she's a keeper or not because based on the average age a girl loses her virginity (15), she's slept with an average of 14.2 men per year. Based on the reality that it's much harder to be promiscuous while in school, I'd say her frequency of partners increased in the later years between 18-20. It could then be concluded that most of her partners in the last couple years didn't last for more that a couple weeks, maybe a month. I would simply have to date her for 2 months with no sex to see if she has problems controlling herself, and then keep an I out for a year. If she changes her habit, it was likely just having fun, and not some kind of sexual addiction. Also, she would have had experience with other men, so she'd recognize my sexual talents.:cool:

 

Smith 1 on the other hand, she is a total toss up whether she'd be a good catch or not, and it could take years to figure out she isn't. Someone only sleeping with one person over the same 5 year period from 15-20 is likely not a good thing. Usually women with 1 partner by 20, lost their virginity in later years, around 17-18. Usually they lose it in a committed relationship as well. This leaves a lot of unanswered questions about why she is single now at 20. There isn't even a good scenario for this at all really. Her boyfriend maybe left her, probably after many years, and she likely loved him, so now she's going to have trust issues. Maybe she is very insecure, and has clung to one guy, which eventually drove him away. She also could have only had one partner because she has some kind of sexual dysfunction like a low sex drive, or psychological issues with intimacy. The worst part about all this, is that it could take years of invested time in her to find out that she has serious problems.

 

As a conclusion, I would choose slutty smith 2. Although she has a promiscuous past, it would be relatively easy and a lot less time consuming to investigate whether she was just a girl having fun and now wants to settle down, or if she is some kind of derranged nymphomaniac that I want to avoid. Smith 1 has just too many open variables that could be haunting long-term. It would require rigorous investigation into her past. I wouldn't be comfortable with a person like her until I completely understood her situation. It could take 2 or more years to figure out she's messed in the head.

 

I hope I illustrated my point about how your question is stupid, and sexual history is not enough to make a decision on. I look for people based on their personality being syncronis with mine. Don't really care where they've been as long as they are stable, and not full of emotional problems they think I should solve.

TigerCub Established Member

TigerCub

Posted
Posted (edited)

And lastly I'm gunna be blunt as hell even cocky to prove a point !!I am way above averge looking and an amazing lover with an above average penis ,I'm fit make a good living and have had seriously hundreds of opportunities to get laid in my life and I didn't just sleep around I was a guy that had sex if I was truly feeling connection and love not just sex .

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

Ah man!!!

 

How do you know you're an AMAZING lover?!

Unless you're talking about self love, you don't know that you are an amazing lover to the recipient of that "love"

Are you taking the word of the woman that lied to marry you? :laugh:

 

People who boast that they are soooooooooooo good looking, so HUGE and so good in bed are usually the worst!!

Because if someone really is all that, they shouldn't have to advertise ;)

 

thanks for the laughs :laugh:

 

I still sympathize with your problem.

I do think its crappy that she lied to you - that's complete bull**** and you shouldn't be with someone that duped you to get you...

 

but you can leave and you refuse to do that and you'd rather just stay there and whine about it.

Edited by TigerCub
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted

The prideful person rises to the top by stepping on the pride of others. The humble person rises to the top without stepping on the pride of others. The prideful person can never be higher than the humble man, as the humble person doesn't need to step on the pride of others to ascend higher, and has no pride for someone to stand on. The humble person is never offended by the pride of another. However, prideful people will always resent those standing on them; they make it their mission to pull them back down.

animalover Established Member

animalover

Posted
Posted (edited)
The prideful person rises to the top by stepping on the pride of others. The humble person rises to the top without stepping on the pride of others. The prideful person can never be higher than the humble man, as the humble person doesn't need to step on the pride of others to ascend higher, and has no pride for someone to stand on. The humble person is never offended by the pride of another. However, prideful people will always resent those standing on them; they make it their mission to pull them back down.

 

And how it is your post not trying to pull back down prideful people??

 

What prideful people have to do with this at all?

 

You can be humble and pride at the same time...

 

You like to date "experienced" women... nothing wrong with it... just respect the same way people who don't.... it is no ones business what criteria has someone else to rule people out for a relationship...

Edited by animalover
Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
And how it is your post not trying to pull back down prideful people??

 

What prideful people have to do with this at all?

 

You can be humble and pride at the same time...

 

You like to date "experienced" women... nothing wrong with it... just respect the same way people who don't.... it is no ones business what criteria has someone else to rule people out for a relationship...

 

The post is about learning humility. It's much different than just taking a knock at a person.

 

The thing about this thread is that most people are judging other people, from some kind of dellusional high ground. It's perfectly fine to no want to date a person who made decisions you don't agree with. However, there decision isn't necessarily wrong or right, just a decision. In no way does it make you a better person because of your decision.

 

An example of this would be an experiment where nice juicy steaks are placed in front of two dogs. The one dog leaves the steak, and the other dog eats it. Which one is the good dog, the one that made the right choice? The answer is neither, they just made choices. The Dog who resisted the delicious steak is no better than the dog who ate his steak. The reason is because there were no rules. The dogs weren't told not to eat the steaks.

 

Humility and pride are black and white opposites. However, you can display humility without being humble.

Apolodor Established Member

Apolodor

Posted
Posted

Rober1122, I don't think that your GF's case is unusual. 5-6 partners in the course of a year comes to 1 partner every other month. Most of the late thirties single girls I dated confessed that they slept with more 20-30 men (one of them mentioned to me that they all wore condoms, as if that was supposed to make me feel better). It depends how you look at it. Personally it does not bother me as long as the girl has feelings from me. The problem is that since these women have been slept indiscriminately with lots of men they have some emotional issues and it is very hard to change their perception about life (and love in particular).....

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Nyla Established Member

Nyla

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Posted

I just hope that DarrenK reaches some sort of resolution in his marriage.

 

Everyone has a right to set their own criterion when getting into a relationship.

 

When I was single, I would not look twice at a man who lived with his parents or had children. That was my choice to make and nobody has the right to tell me my preferences were "wrong".

 

I may not agree with DarrenK's attitude towards his wife's past, but I am aware that he is free to tolerate what he wants.

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happykat Established Member

happykat

Posted
Posted

wow.. interesting thread.. I once dated a guy who lied to me about how many times he had been married (I asked him specifically if his most recent ex had been his only marriage and he said yes.. turns out he had actually been married 4 times). His reasoning was that his past does not matter. It really does matter to me! I get what OP is saying.. The point is, when you are getting to know someone, the only information you have about them is what they tell you. If they are not truthful you would be making decisions about whether or not you want to go down this relationship path based on lies. So unfair.

 

One thing I'd like to know though... What is considered promiscuous?? - like, there's got to be a cutoff number, right? and the number would probably increase with the persons age.. so would you allot someone 1 a year? thoughts??

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Apolodor Established Member

Apolodor

Posted
Posted
I don't know where you guys are from but thankfully here in Spain it is NOT normal that a woman sleeps with a different man every two months..

 

I do respect everyone's life choice but I would never date a woman who understand sex as a hobby...

How special is to have sex with someone for whom sex is not special? Like a kind of hobby... what do I do today? shall I go to the cinema? go to the gym? No... today lets go and open my legs to the first nice looking guy who comes my way....

 

In my experience, the men who have problems with the number of sexual affairs a woman has had in her past are those who feel insecure in the bedroom. If you are able to satisfy a woman it shouldn't really matter. Women are not like a piece of soap which the more you use it the less you have.....

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Apolodor Established Member

Apolodor

Posted
Posted

Animalover, there is no need to get hot under the collar.... I made a general remark that was not directed to you. I am sorry if you took offence of what I said, that was not my intention.

 

You are entitled to have your own opinions, which I respect but I do not share.

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
Hmmmm and how it is your post not judgmental against judgmental people? How it is different what you do that what they do? They judge persons by their actions based on their criteria of wrong and right that is exactly what your post do with those judgmental people...you are judging judgmental people from your own delusional high ground...

Just your pretension of teaching others humility defines you as not humble..why do you think you can judge this people and they can't judge others?

 

I don't see how I passed judgment at all. I just observed and told the truth. If the truth is damaging, maybe that tells you something.

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
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I guess all judgmental people could use these lines very well....judgmental people always beleive they are in posession of the only truth!!

 

Most of the times the truth is subjective and depending of those who perceive it....it is obvious that your truth and mine are different...why it is your truth any better than mine?

 

Quote me where I made a judgment. Truth is objective, how you view truth is subjective.

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DarrenK Established Member

DarrenK

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:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

Ah man!!!

 

How do you know you're an AMAZING lover?!

Unless you're talking about self love, you don't know that you are an amazing lover to the recipient of that "love"

Are you taking the word of the woman that lied to marry you? :laugh:

 

People who boast that they are soooooooooooo good looking, so HUGE and so good in bed are usually the worst!!

Because if someone really is all that, they shouldn't have to advertise ;)

 

thanks for the laughs :laugh:

 

I still sympathize with your problem.

I do think its crappy that she lied to you - that's complete bull**** and you shouldn't be with someone that duped you to get you...

 

but you can leave and you refuse to do that and you'd rather just stay there and whine about it.

 

Ok lol first I understand what your saying lol but seriously I can link pictures of who I am and what I look like !I was a model and as far as great in bed well I guess its called knowing she came if you know what I mean and there smiling saying that was amazing lol anyways I was responding to those attacking me much ike yourself and saying that some men choose to not sleep around not just because they can't get laid or are insecure .

Those things are reasons people use as in saying I'm jealous or insecure or a jerk I'm not I'm a loving sweet guy that got lied to to be with someone that disgusts me :( and I'm simply saying I'm not any of those negative things people say !and p.s if u saw me in real life you wouldn't laugh you'd think boy was I wrong because not only am I a hansom man but I'm a great guy that's very nice :) glad I made you laugh ..ill poost my facebook if u want ?

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DarrenK Established Member

DarrenK

Posted
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In my experience, the men who have problems with the number of sexual affairs a woman has had in her past are those who feel insecure in the bedroom. If you are able to satisfy a woman it shouldn't really matter. Women are not like a piece of soap which the more you use it the less you have.....

 

That's wrong I'm very confident and not small at all I just value a women that values her body its not a hard concept to figure out .I'm not disrespecting anyone I'm just pisses off I got tricked into marring a women and spending 7 years together then to find out she screwed 25+guys yes that a gross thought to me and feels very dirty and unspecial to me .

 

As I've stated before insecureity is not the issue in most cases its morals and individual values .

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
Is the above quote judgmental enough??

 

By the way... only universal truths are objectives, when it comes to facts, thoughts and tastes... the truth is subjective to perception...

 

 

To give a clear example of this that comes straight from mathematics, we can ask the question of what's the sum of the interior angles of a triangle. There are three fundamental answers to this question and they are all true in their given context:

 

The sum is 180 degrees (Euclidean geometry)

The sum is less than 180 degrees (Hyperbolic geometry)

The sum is greater than 180 degrees (Elliptical geometry)

 

Another good examples of subjective truth is :

 

Chocolate tastes good (for me it is the truth... for someone who does not like chocolate is definitely false)

Promiscuous women are not good for a relationship ( obviously this sentence is true for me and false for you...)

 

Do you believe now that truths are subjective depending the view of the persons who perceive it?

 

 

Last good example of the subjectivity of the truth:

 

a) person 1 looks through a window and sees a woman with an orange diadem

b) person 2 looks through the same window and sees the same woman with a red diadem

c) person 3 looks through the same window and sees the same woman with a green diadem

 

The real truth is that the diadem changes color... but every one of them has a different truth that is their real truth as they have experienced it with their own eyes...

 

If you ask any one of them what color the diadem of the woman in the window was they will all be telling you the truth because they are telling you what they perceived...

 

How is the quote judgmental? It doesn't suggest anything, but it's just an observation. You're basing that on the idea of your own beliefs in virtues and vices. You're probably catholic.

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
That's wrong I'm very confident and not small at all I just value a women that values her body its not a hard concept to figure out .I'm not disrespecting anyone I'm just pisses off I got tricked into marring a women and spending 7 years together then to find out she screwed 25+guys yes that a gross thought to me and feels very dirty and unspecial to me .

 

As I've stated before insecureity is not the issue in most cases its morals and individual values .

 

Don't bother man, if you talk yourself up to make a point, you'll only get negative responses.

Thegameoflife Established Member

Thegameoflife

Posted
Posted
I am agnostic...and your post was clearly judgmental as you were totally giving emitting judgment about prideful people...

 

How it is you don't say anything about the objectiveness of the truth?

 

The thing is, it's in your head that pride is bad and humility is good. Thinking that is why you can't see it's just an observation. Who says it's wrong to step on the pride of others to boost ourselves? You judged all of these things as wrong to do, not me. That's why you see it as me judging them. You think I'm pointing it out as wrong, but that's your conclusion.

 

Objective truth exists, but most people are corrupt.

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