4 days since we had any contact. Like clockwork, he called again

[Cam116]

I did answer because I woke up today feeling strong and great. He called to ask if it was okay that he stop by the apartment to pick up a few more things. I said of course that's fine, I'm not there anyway. So he again started chit chatting away, giving me updates on his dad blah blah blah. So again, we were chatting away on the phone for a good 10 minutes, light friendly talk. Then, I had to ask. I needed to know what our boundaries were, as in: when should we attempt to pursue some sort of friendship? Because at the moment, I was feeling great and totally over it all (even though I know I'm still riding the roller coaster). He said we have to wait until a time where we think we can hang out with one another and not feel a pressure or awkwardness about asking questions about the breakup/possibilities of reconciliation etc. I told him that a part of me right now feels that way (again, will probably fade in a day or two). He said he deff didn't feel ready for that yet. So, I started asking more questions....do you still feel like this all feels right.....have you had any second thoughts.......do you still feel like your decision was final. And he answered all of my questions with the same answers as before: right now yes, he feels he is where he needs to be and that this is the best decision for the both of us. As for finality? Right now how he feels is yes, this is final. As for the future.....who knows, but I am not waiting around and already had told him that (he said he didn't want me to anyway).

 

So it definitely seems clear he's made up his mind. Will it change somewhere down the road? I think it will, but again, not waiting around. We agreed to meet up on the last saturday of the month for lunch, just something light and casual, just to see how we interact with one another face to face to see how close we are to being able to actually hang out with one another as friends. I suspect it will go smoothly, every phone conversation has been lighthearted and friendly. So we're going to test the waters and just see how it goes. Days and moments like these, I wish would last forever, because my mind is so clear and I'm seeing things for what they are instead of what I want them to be.....but I know I'm going to have a bad day that will set me back again. Roller coaster. And then I will start dwelling on the repeated "right now" phrase. But for now, I am good. I will update after our meeting. Just wanted to vent/get everything out. Any thoughts or input, feel free to leave

[blotter]

Meeting up for a face to face lunch is not going to tell you anything about being ready to be friends. What's gonna tell you if you are ready to just be friends is when you see him with another woman draped in his lap, making out with her. Then how will you feel? If you don't care then you can be friends. If it does upset you, you can't be friends.

[Cam116]

I get that. I really do. And believe me, neither one of us are at that point and won't be for a long time. We want to meet face to face just to get a better feel of things, and figure out what boundaries need to be set. I've been out tonight talking to friends about this, and now am having doubts as to whether or not we should attempt it this soon:confused: I still, at the moment, feel okay with seeing him. BUT, that can and probably will change. There's 3 weeks left. I'm going to give it a couple of weeks and see how I feel after that. If I'm still having doubts, I'll call it off. He'll understand. I'm totally 50/50 right now. In a way, it would be good to chit chat. But on the other hand, I'm not sure we've given enough time before meeting again face to face.

 

Life is hard.