joebob83 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I've been single for a long time. I live alone and don't have much social interaction since I've graduated college ~1 year ago. As such, I got used to not having anyone to think about or crush on. It's unusual, for me, historically. I've gotten into so much emotional trouble in the past, mainly in high school, because I'll just latch onto whoever is closest if I don't have someone to crush on. I know it's irrational and not healthy, but I can't help it. Anyway. Several months back, this girl started working the same place I do. She was cute, very sweet, and I was going to just take the jump and ask her out... but then I heard her talking about a boyfriend. So I put her out of my mind, very successfully actually, for several months. I never stopped thinking she was cute, but I wouldn't have called it a crush at all. I never thought about her out of work or anything. But when you exchange greetings with someone, have a few mini-conversations each week, see how she interacts with other people, all for the period of months... You get to know them, as a person, better than you'd think. So about a month ago, I heard through the grapevine that she'd had a fight with her boyfriend. It turns out that it was nothing major, they are still together, but... it sparked something in me. You see, she's not perfect. She smokes like a chimney, she has piercings and tattoos, she has a little bit of a wild past... These are the things that helped me not develop huge feelings for her in the first place. But when I thought for a moment that she might be actually available, I started thinking about my life. I thought that maybe it was time to just accept that there's no such thing as a perfect little angel just waiting for me somewhere. Maybe it's time to start trying harder to look past someone's imperfections and focus on the good. So, suddenly, accidentally, without consciously trying to, I couldn't stop thinking about all the wonderful things about her. How I haven't met anyone so sweet and nice and kindhearted and upbeat and full of life and smart as her in a long, long time. How she's the complete opposite of any other girl her age you'd meet on the street, what with her brain and personality and lack-of-bitchiness and whatnot. So now, I can't get her out of my head. And I have to see her almost every day. And I can't even ask her to dinner because she's seeing someone already. I'm not making any excuse for my emotions, they are completely illogical and I know that and I wish to god I could just turn them off or put them aside but I just can't. When she has an opportunity to work in the area I happen to be in, but goes to work someplace else instead, I feel rejected. Illogical. When she talks too much to other guys and not me, I feel jealous. Illogical. When she talks to me, it makes me feel so happy and special because she's so sweet and thoughtful. Illogical, because she treats everyone that way, and never actually flirts, she just talks. I know there's no magic cure or anything, but, if anyone has any tips or advise about how to NOT think about her, when I know she's just a few feet away... How to finally hammer it into my skull that it's NEVER going to happen... I feel like I really need help. I've tried ignoring her, but I always break down and end up saying SOMEthing to her. I've tried thinking about other women, daydreaming, thinking about books, writing stories in my head, listening to music, but none of it sticks. I always go right back to her. It's not healthy, so please help if you can. Thanks in advance...
user6667 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) 1. you have a crush and you are stuck in it. try to act on it. get unstuck. 2. you are trying to make your feelings make sense. for that, try to grow emotionally. learn more about your feelings. they are not math problems. i would advise you to make a deal with yourself, to do something. it doesnt matter what. tell her, ask her out, tell her you like her, OR try to meet somebody else. try to flirt with her, bring her a flower, talk about her to somebody, making sure the other person will relay your interest for you.. i'm pretty sure that if you do SOMETHING no matter what, this will resolve itsself. you have created, and are sustaining by inaction, a strange and unhealthy balance. you are a human. you must express your feelings. do something. edit: ALSO, you are a master of your own life and destiny. i don't know what kind of job you have, but you are not being FORCED by the powers of nature to be close to her. life is what you MAKE IT, or else it is what you suffer it to be. Edited January 5, 2013 by user6667
coffeebean201 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Make a point to have good relationships with others in the same proximity.
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