MsSmurf Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Last night I went out on a first date with a guy I met from the online dating site that I'm using. Conversation was a little bumpy on the phone, but I figured maybe he was not a phone person and more into in person meetings. He suggested drinks/appetizers after work and asked me to pick a place. I picked a Mediterranean place and even gave him very clear directions to get there. After work we confirmed that we were still meeting and at what time. I arrived 5 minutes early and waited. 20 minutes later he called saying his gps got him lost and he was just getting off the freeway and would be there in a few minutes. Ok from the freeway (and considering traffic) he should have arrived in 10 minutes. He showed up 30 minutes later. He didn't make any other excuses, just reiterated the gps issue. That really didn't make any sense to me especially when I gave him solid directions from where he was traveling from and from the freeway it was a straight shot to the restaurant, no turns or anything. So during the drinks/appetizers conversation was ok. He kept making references to the expense of things which I thought was weird considering I didn't steer the conversation in the direction of money at all. When I redirected to a more neutral topic he seemed to find ways to again mention how much things cost. He seemed nervous, but that didn't seem to explain the constant mention of money. The place we were at wasn't even expensive (which was why I picked it) with appetizers being 3-7 bucks and entrees (which we didn't order) 5-10 bucks. After we finished our appetizers he didn't really seem to want to move to another venue or to really keep talking so I made up an excuse to end the evening. We'd been there an hour. Then this morning he calls at 9am (I was still sleeping) and leaves a message saying he had a great time last night, wanted to make sure I got home ok, and that he is looking forward to talking again. I'm not sure what to make of him. Before meeting he seemed like a nice guy, but being late and the awkward conversation I figured maybe he was thinking of standing me up and didn't want to be a jerk. But then the call this morning could be him asking for another shot or just him being polite, not really sure which.
SJC2008 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Lol @ him calling you at 9am!!! If he called that soon I'm sure he's interested but I'd let this one go IMO.
Brunettie Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Maybe he was just really nervous and couldn't think of what to say except what was right in front of him...the prices. Did he mention the prices mostly when there was a silent moment? Maybe he felt awkward about arriving late. I'd say he is interested or he'd not have called this morning. Did you return the call or send a text? I'd say give it one more shot and see how the next outing goes.
edgygirl Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I'm usually super confident but when somebody gets me weak in my knees I do the stupidest things. Maybe he thought you were too much for him? But the 9 AM thing. OMFG!!! I vote for awkward. 1
Author MsSmurf Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 It wasn't just the prices of the food he kept commenting on it was the prices of all kinds of things like rent, health care, cell phone plans, entertainment, etc. If we had been talking about the economy (we weren't) then it would have made sense, but we'd be talking about music and then he'd interject a comment about how rent is really high. Totally off subject and just strange. I would agree that he was nervous since he actually looked a little sweaty. I didn't comment on it, nor did I make a big deal about his being late. I was actually in a very good mood and had been looking forward to meeting him, so I just let it go and moved on. Even in his message this morning he brought up being late again and was apologizing again. Oh and I just found an email from him timestamped last night after our date apologizing again for being late. Good heavens give it a rest lol. After I discovered his 9am voicemail I didn't actually do anything. I had mentioned that I had a hectic Saturday ahead of me, which I did, and I wasn't expecting to hear from him. I could just call him tomorrow and see if he's simmered down a bit. In general I do think a second date is a fair option unless I'm repulsed (I wasn't) because some guys do have an issue with nerves/awkwardness. It was just a really weird date.
Maneater Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 It wasn't just the prices of the food he kept commenting on it was the prices of all kinds of things like rent, health care, cell phone plans, entertainment, etc. If we had been talking about the economy (we weren't) then it would have made sense, but we'd be talking about music and then he'd interject a comment about how rent is really high. Totally off subject and just strange. I would agree that he was nervous since he actually looked a little sweaty. I didn't comment on it, nor did I make a big deal about his being late. I was actually in a very good mood and had been looking forward to meeting him, so I just let it go and moved on. Even in his message this morning he brought up being late again and was apologizing again. Oh and I just found an email from him timestamped last night after our date apologizing again for being late. Good heavens give it a rest lol. After I discovered his 9am voicemail I didn't actually do anything. I had mentioned that I had a hectic Saturday ahead of me, which I did, and I wasn't expecting to hear from him. I could just call him tomorrow and see if he's simmered down a bit. In general I do think a second date is a fair option unless I'm repulsed (I wasn't) because some guys do have an issue with nerves/awkwardness. It was just a really weird date. to me it sounds like he has anxiety problems in general. anyone who is nervous says silly things in general and open ended statements that do not make sense. Bascially babbling. This man as you say, just keeps complaining about money and not just about the food. Also, it's basic dating 101 not to bring up money or politics on the first date. Someone who seems to be this stressed out in life in general may not be a good future partner.
Radu Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Nervous as hell. Could be a lot of reasons why he mentioned the money. It's up to you if you want to give him another shot/shots.
Author MsSmurf Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the input everyone. I think you all are right with the nervousness so I'm going to call him back today and see if he's more relaxed during a brief chat. If he's too awkward on the phone today then I'll just tell him I'm not that interested. If he isn't then I'll go out with him a second time and see if things improve. But after a second date I should be able to assess if he may have some anxiety/stress related to money/life that would make a relationship difficult. I understand we live in challenging times, but stress and anxiety won't change that and I certainly don't live my life that way so it would be difficult for me to be around someone who is constantly dragged down by that sort of thing. As for the constant mentions of money, they weren't so much negative as they were just randomly placed statements. I suppose that was why they struck me as so odd. I agree that in general mentions of money so early in dating is a turn off, but I've only considered the how-much-money-do-you-make variety to fall into that category. I don't recall ever going out with anyone who talked about it in other manners. I'll keep you all posted. Edited January 6, 2013 by MsSmurf
Author MsSmurf Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Well I just got off the phone with him and now it all makes sense. Turns out he's unemployed and has been for the last 5 years. Prior to that he never had a career, but post college just hopped from odd jobs to short term gigs to minimum wage jobs. He's now 44 years old. I seriously don't understand how that happens. On his profile he listed his career as "writer" and noted that he'd just published a novel. I've dated writers before so I thought nothing of it. Well during our chat he admitted that all of his writing projects have been unpaid. I'm not sure how you write and publish a novel without getting paid, but he figured that out. Now I'm certainly not the type of woman that dates guys for their money as I work and support myself. I also don't care what a guy does for work as long as it is legal and allows a comfortable standard of living, but this guy is clearly struggling to make ends meet and doesn't seem to be trying to do otherwise. I completely understand the random money mentions now and his lack of income is probably creating a lot of stress and anxiety for him. If he were more stable and could relax about all of this then I could see going out with him again, but he isn't so I won't. I don't even know why he is trying to date at all right now, seems like he has more pressing things to focus on.
truth_seeker Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Well I just got off the phone with him and now it all makes sense. Turns out he's unemployed and has been for the last 5 years. Prior to that he never had a career, but post college just hopped from odd jobs to short term gigs to minimum wage jobs. He's now 44 years old. I seriously don't understand how that happens. On his profile he listed his career as "writer" and noted that he'd just published a novel. I've dated writers before so I thought nothing of it. Well during our chat he admitted that all of his writing projects have been unpaid. I'm not sure how you write and publish a novel without getting paid, but he figured that out. Now I'm certainly not the type of woman that dates guys for their money as I work and support myself. I also don't care what a guy does for work as long as it is legal and allows a comfortable standard of living, but this guy is clearly struggling to make ends meet and doesn't seem to be trying to do otherwise. I completely understand the random money mentions now and his lack of income is probably creating a lot of stress and anxiety for him. If he were more stable and could relax about all of this then I could see going out with him again, but he isn't so I won't. I don't even know why he is trying to date at all right now, seems like he has more pressing things to focus on. Did I read this right? 44 years oldunemployed for the last 5 yearsnever had a careerHe's all of the above and can get dates? Damn. I'm impressed!
Author MsSmurf Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Did I read this right? 44 years oldunemployed for the last 5 yearsnever had a career He's all of the above and can get dates? Damn. I'm impressed! Only because he wasn't completely honest lol. I suppose the upside is its not like I fell head over heels for this guy and spent months with him. That would have really been a waste of my time.
todreaminblue Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Last night I went out on a first date with a guy I met from the online dating site that I'm using. Conversation was a little bumpy on the phone, but I figured maybe he was not a phone person and more into in person meetings. He suggested drinks/appetizers after work and asked me to pick a place. I picked a Mediterranean place and even gave him very clear directions to get there. After work we confirmed that we were still meeting and at what time. I arrived 5 minutes early and waited. 20 minutes later he called saying his gps got him lost and he was just getting off the freeway and would be there in a few minutes. Ok from the freeway (and considering traffic) he should have arrived in 10 minutes. He showed up 30 minutes later. He didn't make any other excuses, just reiterated the gps issue. That really didn't make any sense to me especially when I gave him solid directions from where he was traveling from and from the freeway it was a straight shot to the restaurant, no turns or anything. So during the drinks/appetizers conversation was ok. He kept making references to the expense of things which I thought was weird considering I didn't steer the conversation in the direction of money at all. When I redirected to a more neutral topic he seemed to find ways to again mention how much things cost. He seemed nervous, but that didn't seem to explain the constant mention of money. The place we were at wasn't even expensive (which was why I picked it) with appetizers being 3-7 bucks and entrees (which we didn't order) 5-10 bucks. After we finished our appetizers he didn't really seem to want to move to another venue or to really keep talking so I made up an excuse to end the evening. We'd been there an hour. Then this morning he calls at 9am (I was still sleeping) and leaves a message saying he had a great time last night, wanted to make sure I got home ok, and that he is looking forward to talking again. I'm not sure what to make of him. Before meeting he seemed like a nice guy, but being late and the awkward conversation I figured maybe he was thinking of standing me up and didn't want to be a jerk. But then the call this morning could be him asking for another shot or just him being polite, not really sure which. even confident guys get nervous on first dates, if they dont, I would make them nervous so we can relate....evil grin....im kidding... not really...nerves are good because it means you give a crap about what happens, and most guys again are nervous their first date if they have substance they will be, if they are a player they wont be nervous its a game they have played many times, it will go as smooth as silk that is when i like to shake things up a bit.....and act really erratic..... that comes fairly easily to me. dont have to act much...if a guy is nervous i will be doing my utmost to be sure that i make him feel at ease ...if a guy wants to be butter smooth to me i know he isnt invested in the same way i am.,.in my opinion its more natural to be nervous with someone new,because you dont know them,i always give a guy with nerves opportunity to relax,like i hope they would me.....because once i relax.....i can attempt humor....i can actually spot a player dont particularly like being played so give me the nervous guy ........ give the guy a chance in my opinion he was most likely nervous, if you like him, it will be worth it..a bit of mystery, a bit of unsurety is good its better than predicting what they are going to say to you....and pasting the smile on. date him a few times do something fun and let him pick a place next time one of his favorite places ro activities where he would feel relaxed and open...somewhere he has been so he doesnt get lost...best wishes ..deb
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