barrowranger Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Hi, new to the site, so please dont berate me for writing all of this. 3 Years 3 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years, lived together and were very big parts of each others lives. Anyway she made the split, I carried on as best I could, although had a good 3 weeks of moping, thought I had turned a corner. Saw her at a few meetings (we work in education so occassionally bump into each other) and had no choice to but to ignore her or allow the feelings to flood back. Anyway very long story short.... about 6 months I started dating a girl and thought it would go places, however I quickly became consumed with the bad things that happened in my last relationship and allowed them to become factors. This eventually came to the point where I had to basically push this girl away because I simply cannot trust... I constantly think that history will repeat itself and cant become happy in a relationship. Has anybody else experienced this or got any suggestions for how to get past this... its been 3 tough years of flashbacks to horrible parts of the ex. But I need to move on... The short of what I am saying is .... HELP!
Shim_kattty Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 One of my ex's I dated for 2 yrs & he put me through hell when he went off to college. Eventually I toughed it out & didn't contact him in the least but & last year he returned trying to beg forgiveness. I started talking to someone else & he found out & was constantly harassing me about how I let this guy take what was his. This guy was the sweetest person I had ever met & he stayed by my side throughout my ex's entire ordeal. I finally began to date this new guy & he was everything my ex wasn't but I treated him like he owed me something. I guess finally after 8 months he got fed up & us now dating someone else & here I am regretting every rude thing I've ever done or said to him. We are the best of friends & he says he still loves me but I think he is still a little hurt. Everything he asks me to do I do it because I feel I owe it to him. The best thing you can do is stay FARRR FARR away from any inclination of dating until you can heal completely. You do not want to hurt anyone else the way your ex hurt you because it can cause you to miss out on someone really great. 3 years is a long time, but however long it takes is however long you need to cope. Don't try to rush things or find rebounds.
Author barrowranger Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 See this was it, we didn't put each other through hell at all, we literally loved every minute. In the last month it all went to pot.... Its good to know that someone else has been in the same situation. But after 3 years I still found myself driving past the village where she lives and thinking 'I would take her back this second'... Surely that cant be right. I constantly remember the good things that we had but more than anything else the feeling of being wanted and doing what was normal! Now I live on my own and push away the people who care about me or try to get close to me. Even years after you have been with someone do you still think about the people you have lost and how you would still be with them if.... End up blaming myself when I really dont think it was me to start with!
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