Shim_kattty Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Has anyone ever had or is currently in a relationship where you barely hang out with your significant other but you do hang out with a friend of the opposite sex frequently ( the friendship is strictly platonic)? If so, does your S/O know & if they do, do they mind?
Keenly Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 This one is kind of tricky. I mean, I have been in a similar kind of situation, and I was NOT okay with it. Similar but different. She barely ever texted me, but when I was around her, she never ever put down her phone. As far as your scenario... If she wanted to hang out with the friend MORE than she wanted to see me, in the start of the relationship (first 3 to 6 months) then I would probably bail. It is a sign that you just are not that important.
Author Shim_kattty Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 This one is kind of tricky. I mean, I have been in a similar kind of situation, and I was NOT okay with it. Similar but different. She barely ever texted me, but when I was around her, she never ever put down her phone. As far as your scenario... If she wanted to hang out with the friend MORE than she wanted to see me, in the start of the relationship (first 3 to 6 months) then I would probably bail. It is a sign that you just are not that important. I'm actually the friend. But I've come to notice that my friend barely hangs out with his gf but we do almost everything together. I mean it would bother me if I were her, but she doesn't seem to care & I'm starting to believe that it's because she doesn't know. But when he tries to hang out with her, she is always busy. They've been dating for 4 months now. I just find it weird but to each his own I guess.
MikeyBe Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Yes, yes, and yes. Certain friendships are hard to maintain during relationships and vice versa. My best friend is female and we hang out all the time. Can't remember a girl i've dated that didn't have a problem with it and its probably wishful thinking I ever will. (I don't blame them) But its a conscious choice I make and many times I've had to accept the consequences.
Author Shim_kattty Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Yes, yes, and yes. Certain friendships are hard to maintain during relationships and vice versa. My best friend is female and we hang out all the time. Can't remember a girl i've dated that didn't have a problem with it and its probably wishful thinking I ever will. (I don't blame them) But its a conscious choice I make and many times I've had to accept the consequences. He is my best friend as well but when she asks him who he's with, he says family. Granted, we are like family because our families have bonded to past the stage of an ordinary friendship, but it's kind of still lying to her. I'm guessing she would have a problem if she really knew. Did you have any feelings for your best friend though at all?
MikeyBe Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 He is my best friend as well but when she asks him who he's with, he says family. Granted, we are like family because our families have bonded to past the stage of an ordinary friendship, but it's kind of still lying to her. I'm guessing she would have a problem if she really knew. Did you have any feelings for your best friend though at all? Sure, we're both human and **** happens. Its hard to be close to someone you care so much about and not develop feelings. But she's like my sister and we're not romantically compatible. The problem is how we're perceived. And our friends basically have a bet on when we're getting married. So I've definitely lied before if I was hanging out with my friend. Not directly, but more like what your friend does. Even to girls that know about our relationship. Even girls that said they are fine with it. I know they're not and I know they don't want to deal with that kind of awkward tension floating around. My situation is not normal though. I thoroughly accept that. Its very strange and causes tensions everywhere. If you wanted my opinion on your situation, I'd say that one or both of you has feelings for each other and would call you both liars if you said you didn't. Like what my friends say about me and my friend. Just my 2 cents.
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 The only way this is a problem for me is if my SO is spending more time with her friends (male or female) than me....I'm not here to be a part time boyfriend
Author Shim_kattty Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Sure, we're both human and **** happens. Its hard to be close to someone you care so much about and not develop feelings. But she's like my sister and we're not romantically compatible. The problem is how we're perceived. And our friends basically have a bet on when we're getting married. So I've definitely lied before if I was hanging out with my friend. Not directly, but more like what your friend does. Even to girls that know about our relationship. Even girls that said they are fine with it. I know they're not and I know they don't want to deal with that kind of awkward tension floating around. My situation is not normal though. I thoroughly accept that. Its very strange and causes tensions everywhere. If you wanted my opinion on your situation, I'd say that one or both of you has feelings for each other and would call you both liars if you said you didn't. Like what my friends say about me and my friend. Just my 2 cents. You are right actually, it's both & we've discussed it before but as far as being head over heels or anything, it just isn't there. He joked with me a few times because sometimes I make him lunch or something & he'd say "I'm gonna steal you from your husband a few days when you're married." We laugh it off & like you, many of our friends say later down the road they know we're gonna be the first ones married with kids. He's a great guy, but I am not attracted to him in that sense & I think it is the same for his views towards me. I would love to meet a gf & her like me, but I know they smile in my face & cause all sorts of hell when I'm not around. I've tried to take myself out of the equation & cut back out of respect but he's an advocate for our friendship. He's like they just have a accept it or leave.
todreaminblue Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Has anyone ever had or is currently in a relationship where you barely hang out with your significant other but you do hang out with a friend of the opposite sex frequently ( the friendship is strictly platonic)? If so, does your S/O know & if they do, do they mind? if i am with some one they pretty much know everything about me, I have nothing to hide and I do have male friends, if i found someone...big if there, and he was insecure about my male friends I would do my best to help him not feel that way,if it meant not seeing them or only seeing them in others company I would do that>The partner has right of way, the rest get the train boom gate,so I am loyal , I would question the trust, because I am trustworthy in a relationship I have a pretty strict code as far as male friends go. I don't have physical contact with male friends,unless i was attracted so my partner would know that.I do understand insecurities and I would make ti clear to male friend to not t overstep the mark if they did and if they continued to, i would be the one to say goodbye, my partner wouldn't have to say a word in that respect.It would be my desire to do so..I dont like disrespect of any guy I am with by male or female.Bit old school when it comes to that and respect...respect me and who I am with..deb Edited January 5, 2013 by todreaminblue
MikeyBe Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 He's a great guy, but I am not attracted to him in that sense & I think it is the same for his views towards me. Liar! I would be more inclined to believe you though since you're the girl and he's the guy. Even myself, who has a BF that's a girl, wouldn't believe him if he said the same thing about you. You may want to keep that in mind how unnatural it is for a guy to feel this way about the person he spends most of his time with. (but not impossible obviously) I would love to meet a gf & her like me, but I know they smile in my face & cause all sorts of hell when I'm not around. I've tried to take myself out of the equation & cut back out of respect but he's an advocate for our friendship. He's like they just have a accept it or leave. That sounds admirable but remember, people don't usually accept it. The GF actually liking you would probably make it worse. Its veeeeery difficult for someone to accept that your friendship to him is more important. Most people, not all, but most people spend their time with the person they want to be with or spend their efforts/emotions on the person they want to be with. So if he hangs out with you instead of hanging out with his GF then I seriously doubt he'd wouldn't rather be with you. If you want to be a good friend, make sure your friend is 100% ok with your relationship. And by that I don't mean directly ask him if he has feelings for you because you most likely won't get a 100% honest answer. I mean make sure you're friend isn't suffering on the inside. You probably know him better then he knows himself. Is he happy with his current GF? (doesn't sound like it) Is he happy and content with his life atm and where he's going? (I'm assuming you guys are fairly young) If he's seemingly fine and ok with everything, then don't stress too much about it. If he's not, then maybe its because of your relationship? If its the latter then you should continue to cut back a bit for his well being.
Author Shim_kattty Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Lol well maybe he feels more who knows. But I am 19 & he 18 & atm he is not exactly joyful in his relationship. He likes her but she does some really odd things like taking these random breaks from the relationship or when her cousin who is dating his cousin fall out, she will distance herself from him. I think he's trying to make it work because he has issues with being single but then he has commitment issues as well. I was never able to completely understand that but he will drift towards whoever will show him the most attention. He likes to feel needed but if they get in too deep, he will bail QUICKLY. I know there are some financial hardships going on right now & he also was a little confused about what he wanted to be, but he's completely changing lately & I've noticed he's trying to "fit in." We became best friends because I'm one to talk to anyone & people feel comfortable around me but he was always a bit of an outcast but he was fun to be around & eventually I just took a liking to him because he was different. I don't like what he's becoming & I know it's because this girl is constantly saying what she likes a guy to have (expensive shoes, golds, drinks, ect.) & he feels inadequate. I'm thinking that's why he's been around me a lot lately. I never judged him, I just accept him & I try to help him when he asks me to go shopping & do his hair so he can be more appealing to her.
MikeyBe Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I'm thinking that's why he's been around me a lot lately. I never judged him, I just accept him & I try to help him when he asks me to go shopping & do his hair so he can be more appealing to her. Aww ya'll are so cute. I'm sure he has all sorts of issues, but he's only 18. If you're comfortable and happy to be there for him in this way then you're an awesome friend.
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