Author kdobbs Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Well guys, we all went out this weekend and my girlfriend ending up 'slipping up' I guess. she told someone in the group that the the best friend of hers she was out with pulled the OM's friend and both dudes stayed at her best friends house. I overheard this. She swears blind that nothing happened, but obviously I don't believe her.. Everyone told me all along that I was wrong, but all this time the scenario I had in my head that my gut was telling is slowing becoming more and more true. She was devasted and basically she said she is going to do everything she can to make it work, but I told her not too. I have removed her off all social networks and NC in the hope I get over her, I have a lot on at the minute with College, thesis... Need to make sure this doesn't affect me too much. I am really down, she was my first everything.. I believe she made a geniune mistake. But I am also kind of relieved just because I no longer have to wonder and doubt the relationship. I know it's going to get hard before its get better, good luck to me!
Darren Steez Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Well guys, we all went out this weekend and my girlfriend ending up 'slipping up' I guess. she told someone in the group that the the best friend of hers she was out with pulled the OM's friend and both dudes stayed at her best friends house. I overheard this. She swears blind that nothing happened, but obviously I don't believe her.. Everyone told me all along that I was wrong, but all this time the scenario I had in my head that my gut was telling is slowing becoming more and more true. She was devasted and basically she said she is going to do everything she can to make it work, but I told her not too. I have removed her off all social networks and NC in the hope I get over her, I have a lot on at the minute with College, thesis... Need to make sure this doesn't affect me too much. I am really down, she was my first everything.. I believe she made a geniune mistake. But I am also kind of relieved just because I no longer have to wonder and doubt the relationship. I know it's going to get hard before its get better, good luck to me! She lied, she was never going to come clean. So the scenario is she kissed the OM's best friend, both men went back to her friend's house and while the other two were doing their thing, she was obviously doing her's. Sucks buddy but you've learned she's a liar and will basically do and say anything to keep the truth from you. It's funny how even the smartest of us are still blinded by emotions and affairs of the heart. You have four years of history with this girl, you'll probably reflect on those times spent and reminisce on the genuine moments you shared. She didn't make a genuine mistake, she didn't tell the guy she was involved, while her friend was pulling the other bloke, she was obviously flirting with the other guy, they went back to the flat, she didn't tell you and wasn't going to tell you, instead lied about it all. Good luck with the thesis, you did right kicking her to the curb, she's dishonest.
Author kdobbs Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I guess you are right. It's just seems a waste, we were long distance for so long, a few hours apart. Spent so much money seeing each other weekend, no arguments, nothing. And then she goes and throws everything away on a one night stand and compulsively lies about it. I just wish I knew why, part of me wants to call her again and just find out exactly why she did it, but I'm not going too. She doesn't have much in her life, not a lot of friends, lives on her own.. I feel bad for her tbh, I know I shouldn't.
Author kdobbs Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 She finally admitted to it, I feel 100% worst than I did. It's almost as if knowing has solidified it for me.
chex Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 LDRs are often a mess .. while the long term partner might still feel close intellectually, for many people who feel affection through physical closeness, they seek out someone else to find that with. Well, wasn't that situation a fine mess?
sayyes19 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She finally admitted to it, I feel 100% worst than I did. It's almost as if knowing has solidified it for me. I'm sorry man. This will obviously be harder in the short run, but you will be able to move on without the doubt now. In the long run it's better that you know.
aed Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She finally admitted to it, I feel 100% worst than I did. It's almost as if knowing has solidified it for me. Im sorry for you. Accept that this got nothing to do with you. It was and is al on here. She will reach out again, try to break nc. But stay strong!
road Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 she told someone in the group that the the best friend of hers she was out with pulled the OM's friend and both dudes stayed at her best friends house. Hard to have to hear that.
Bryanp Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Did she tell you why she wanted to destroy your relationship?
Author kdobbs Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Nothing more than GIGS. She has this new best friend who is single and a bit of a wild one. My girlfriend was having problems and she ended the relationship a month before she did this and I accepted but she realized after a day that she didn't want it to end. (Though I am starting believe she just kept me as option as there was no reason yet to end it). She went out, cheated thinking it was the single life she wanted and she realized it wasn't. Kept it from me. Is now paying the price. That is what I think. The scary thing is if I had not have seen that message I would have probably never even found out!
drifter777 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Nothing more than GIGS. She has this new best friend who is single and a bit of a wild one. My girlfriend was having problems and she ended the relationship a month before she did this and I accepted but she realized after a day that she didn't want it to end. (Though I am starting believe she just kept me as option as there was no reason yet to end it). She went out, cheated thinking it was the single life she wanted and she realized it wasn't. Kept it from me. Is now paying the price. That is what I think. The scary thing is if I had not have seen that message I would have probably never even found out! You do know that she is lying, right? Her rationalization about "wanting the single life" is simply her trying to convince you, and herself, that she is not a selfish tramp. Walk away. After a month you will wonder why you ever even thought about staying with her.
Darren Steez Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So it's gone from kissing in a bar to full sex. Sorry to hear that, and no it's better to know because now you have the truth and she's been exposed for what she is. They say the truth shall set you free, she lied and lied and lied. Time to let her fly away.
nofool4u Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 A short one guys, but I just want to know if this is a good idea. My girlfriend got really drunk and apparently kissed a guy at a bar a while back. And she felt the need to go to a bar and lower her inhibitions without you because......? I found out this guy didn't know she had a boyfriend until after the kiss happened. Yup, because she didn't want him to know so she could see where it would lead. There is a reason people go to bars and mingle with the opposite sex. And it isn't because they find the conversation stimulating. I know my girlfriend didn't go back to this guys place Why do you even have to make that statement if you know it didn't happen? Almost sounds like you are trying to convince yourself she didn't. Do you think the guy will be respectful to fill me in on what happened without going and talking to my girlfriend? You shouldn't care if he talks to your girlfriend. You need answers. And if he would talk to her, well then she obviously gave him her number, unless they already sort of knew each other. As long as I ask him respectfully appreciating to an extent he was unaware? Yes, do it. And even if he was aware, he should be man enough to admit it and respect you enough for being man enough to contact him and give you any truth you deserve.
nofool4u Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 In general contacting the OM will only result in the lying by embellishing things to inflict pain or to lie denying or minimizing the truth because he does not want anyone coming after him. Not necessarily. If I got a call from a guy and found out a woman I was with withheld the fact she had a boyfriend, or worse yet, a husband, you better damn well know I'll tell him everything he wants to know because I don't protect cheating women. You are young, not married, so my best advice will be move on and find a new girl friend. I agree 100%
nofool4u Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 You are right, I didn't really give my girlfriend a chance to explain Whats to explain. She made out with the guy, texted him and told him you and her were on and off again(to excuse what she did), and told him she hoped he had a good night. Whats to explain? You have all you need to kick her to the curb.
nofool4u Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I know 100% she stayed at her friends after the night out. Apparently she returned at a quite reasonable time, so yea. She was out with a couple of girl friends who I have never meet, so I assume they are the only ones who know the absolute truth of what happened. But evidence is leaning more towards that it was what it was, a kiss. I think I do need to chill a bit and just not be so paranoid Not be so paranoid? She DID cheat on you. Being paranoid is worrying about something that didn't or probably won't happen. It happened. ... I mean I don't particularly want to throw a good relationship away over a mistake she made whilst paralytic. Aye yi yi and oye vey. Ok, so if you are going to give her a pass, does this mean she still gets to go out and party without you?
road Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 she told someone in the group that the the best friend of hers she was out with pulled the OM's friend and both dudes stayed at her best friends house. So it's gone from kissing in a bar to full sex. Sorry to hear that, and no it's better to know because now you have the truth and she's been exposed for what she is. How does the GF pulled the OM's friend mean full sex. All I can infer from what kdobbs said is his GF pull the OM's friend is that the GF did nothing with the OM but yet gave the OM's friend a hand job. kdobbs needs to translate what he wrote.
Author kdobbs Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Girlfriend and best friend went out and meet a couple of guys. All 4 of them go back to best friends flat and each does there thing. Girlfriend after lying constantly, playing down finally admitted it to me When I presented her with evidence. I am currently finding it hard obviously, but it's not as hard as it felt when I was with her when she played it as just a kiss, I was constantly doubting the truth; hence why this topic started. I just wish she would stop contacting me now. Ignoring her and expressing my anger is not working. Sorry if I was unclear. When I first started this topic it was only known to me as a kiss but it's progressed on to more.
Bryanp Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 What were the reasons she gave for willing to destroy your relationship?
Author kdobbs Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 To be totally honest I didn't really asked. I have my own thoughts on the subject, but I don't know. I was just so angry when I found out that I vented. Now I'm ignoring her. She generally keeps inline with the "it was the biggest mistake of my life" and "I drank so much" I don't want to speak to her on the phone because even after what has happened, I get no satisfaction from her crying and sadness.
Darren Steez Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 To be totally honest I didn't really asked. I have my own thoughts on the subject, but I don't know. I was just so angry when I found out that I vented. Now I'm ignoring her. She generally keeps inline with the "it was the biggest mistake of my life" and "I drank so much" I don't want to speak to her on the phone because even after what has happened, I get no satisfaction from her crying and sadness. Next time she says the word mistake, correct her and tell her it was the biggest series of bad decisions..all of which didn't include you in her thoughts
Michael Johnson Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Girlfriend and best friend went out and meet a couple of guys. All 4 of them go back to best friends flat and each does there thing. Girlfriend after lying constantly, playing down finally admitted it to me When I presented her with evidence. I am currently finding it hard obviously, but it's not as hard as it felt when I was with her when she played it as just a kiss, I was constantly doubting the truth; hence why this topic started. I just wish she would stop contacting me now. Ignoring her and expressing my anger is not working. Sorry if I was unclear. When I first started this topic it was only known to me as a kiss but it's progressed on to more. So she hooked up with a couple of guys and let them run a train on her, and she blames it on alcohol??? You can do a lot better. She sounds very messy.
Author kdobbs Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Dude I know that now, I understand it was no mistake. This was my first everything, relationship, experiences... I was shocked, hurt and trying my best to convince myself otherwise. There is no way I will be giving her another chance. As I have said, when we were together before I 'officially' knew the whole story, it was horrible, constant doubt in my mind it was more than kiss. Although I feel sad now, it's not as bad as that feeling. I'm not going to sugar coat the situation, it sucks. But I have to look it like this really, would I really have spent the rest of my entire life only experiencing one women? Probably not. I need to look at the positives, after all, she is just another pretty face, that's it. There are plenty more out there. Thank you all for the comments, you lot have helped me understand the situation a lot more and now I know what's best. Always follow your gut instincts, the main thing I have learnt! 1
AbeNormal Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) Next time she contacts you, just say - in a mild, controlled tone - "have a nice life" and hangup/end. The "just another pretty face" and "there are plenty more out there" thing bugs me though (to read) since I don't know exactly what you are saying. Hopefully you are saying that while looks can be relevant, it's true beauty that you seek... Edited January 18, 2013 by AbeNormal
sLiPpeTh Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 A short one guys, but I just want to know if this is a good idea. My girlfriend got really drunk and apparently kissed a guy at a bar a while back. I found out this guy didn't know she had a boyfriend until after the kiss happened. I know my girlfriend didn't go back to this guys place, but still I think I could get some serious clarity from this guy if I message him. Do you think the guy will be respectful to fill me in on what happened without going and talking to my girlfriend? As long as I ask him respectfully appreciating to an extent he was unaware? Thanks guys Just a simple question. Why does the other guy have anything to do with anything at all? Why are you making excuses for the female? Why is the other guy responsible, vs. the girlfriend who didn't behave in a manner that demonstrated self control and consideration of you?
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