MsDecember Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 So I just have to vent. Kind of an open ended information vent to my OW in my Situation. She has been lied to as well and she believes everything that my XH tells her. So this is for her but also for anyone who is the OW and just maybe wonders if the MM tells her the truth. I had the pleasure of having access to a lot of information after the fact and during what I thought was my reconciliation with my H. He lied about everything. Immediately after discovery he said it was over with the OW and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. LIE! He was still with her and saying lets keep things on the downlow while I try and figure out how to leave still. Apparently they had a date in mind at the beginning of the affair and he had that time to move towards a divorce. He was supposed to talk to me about divorcing and he was supposed to move into the basement as we were never to have sex again. LIE!! He never during that time period ever talked about divorce and he certainly never lived in the basement or stopped having sex with me. In fact we did several home improvement projects and still talked about are plans and future dreams and had SEX! The OW was a very needy woman and demanded her time with him over any and all obligations he had prior to her. So he lied about business trips and she has stated that she would hate to think she took any time away from his kids. Well, darling, you did. He missed many school and sport functions as well as normal common everyday experiences with his young children. BUT I am glad you got your time with him while I did everything by myself. He also lied to you about his fatherly duties. I know you think he is a wonderful father, but you know absolutely nothing. He has a very short temper and he is never present whether or not he is physically present. I figured out why you thought that. He lied to you about having the kids, in which he kept separate from you during that time frame. He needed a break from you and as well he was searching for sex on craigslist. Nasty, but true. I also know that you think your the cats meow, but he has already cheated on you countless times and I know you know about one who was unbelievably young. Nasty nasty. I also know that MM made me out to be unreasonable and crazy. Well lets say when your H cheats on you, then lies and lies to you, and then pretends to not cheat anymore, and drags out counseling and leaves you with hope which is truly false hope= outside people who don't know what is truly going on could assume those assumptions are true. But I hate to break it to you, I am sane and very reasonable. I just couldn't deal with a cheater another second and he had no choice to stop cake eating and ended up on your doorstep. He has always had the victim role down pat. I have been heartbroken and devastated as have my children. You told my H at the time that children are resiliant and for him to just pack a bag and leave. My kids have survived because we are survivors. Your selfish assessment of them is wrong and we will never know who they could have become without this awful event in their lives. They have changed. It has been hard for them and myself to accept the divorce and thats because our lives were good. Mom and dad didn't fight and we worked well. I know the picture painted for you was different. Its all LIES! I am still hurt and saddened and He has not suffered one iota! Your making his life easy and he is using you. Whenever I asked why he went on this vacation or that vacation while we were still married he always said you paid for it. That's what you are to him. I feel sorry for you, as you will never know who he really is. I have known him forever and I always predict what he will do and what he will say and my friends are flabbergasted by it. You don't know him, he has fooled you. I would never ever consider taking him back, but I miss the guy he used to be, The guy I thought he was. So don't misinterpret me venting to you about his negatives as me wanting you to give him up. I don't want him, and I have been the one to push him away. He has texted and emailed me about how he misses me. I bet you will never know that. You have stated that you and he are open books and that you have each others passwords. Well that's fine and dandy if you know the email addresses he has. He has ones you aren't aware of and they are NOT readily on his phone. So of course he will be an open book with you, or save a few chapters for himself and only himself. Ok, that's enough for now! 8
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I am still hurt and saddened and He has not suffered one iota! Your making his life easy and he is using you. Give him the big consquence! Tell him to pack a bag and GO TO THE OW and not to come back home. Let him know that you're in the process of speaking to a lawyer... Even if you aren't, let him believe you are! What a fricken selfish piece of work your H is. He isn't the man you married and fell in love with. Maybe he could be again one day, but not in the near future. He's in a fog, wants what he wants and will do as he pleases. Let her deal with him, get to know him and learn to regret the A, she'll see what an idiot he truly is when the control is taken away from him. Reality will bite them both as the affairyland fog and bubble will burst. Only then will he wake up and maybe want to change. Until then, Mr cheating liar will continue doing what he's doing. Consider kicking him out, he's poison to you and your kids right now and is not a family man at all.
ComingInHot Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 MsDecember; Do you feel better?! I almost feel better for you** It feels good to get it out!! 3
Author MsDecember Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Yes he has been kicked to the curb. I did the kicking and all the filing. He was pissed and hurt when I file for D. But too damn bad. There is way too many stories that The OW who is now the GF, doesn't know. She thinks he happily left and that He was totally on board. He was just a narcissistic jerk who thought of her as sex and material things and had his little family and loving wife at home. I took away the one true thing he ever had and he is still drowning. She just doesn't know, or doesn't know that I know he is still a big fat lying cheater. She walks around like she won something amazing~ I thank her for making it easier for me to walk away 3
Author MsDecember Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 He's already kicked to the curb. But of course the OW thinks HE left the wife . . . and got her prize. Every OW should read this, but predictably they would ALL proudly say to themselves, "I'm so glad MY married man would never do this." Coincidentally Alice, she always says that. Of all the Cheating MM, her man has never done anything wrong. He has never made her feel cheap or second, and she will never admit anything negative about him outloud.... save face baby 1
Furious Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 MsDecember So glad you got it all out....what a spectacular vent!!! Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper, releasing the pent up emotion and spot on clarity that you have is liberating. You're more than ok...you're going to be just fine! 4
bentnotbroken Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Yes he has been kicked to the curb. I did the kicking and all the filing. He was pissed and hurt when I file for D. But too damn bad. There is way too many stories that The OW who is now the GF, doesn't know. She thinks he happily left and that He was totally on board. He was just a narcissistic jerk who thought of her as sex and material things and had his little family and loving wife at home. I took away the one true thing he ever had and he is still drowning. She just doesn't know, or doesn't know that I know he is still a big fat lying cheater. She walks around like she won something amazing~ I thank her for making it easier for me to walk away I can so identify with this. When I took all the choices out of Mr. Messy's hands....the crap hit the fan with amazing accuracy. He not only wanted to stay he begged. He was told to go be with her and guess what they aren't together. I made sure to not only find out all my options but to make sure that I was healthy enough to deal with the consequences and prepared to stand my ground. I was not the best wife and he was not the best husband but I took my vows seriously and I would not have ever destroyed his peace, his trust, or his respect.... like he did mine 6
Author MsDecember Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 MsDecember So glad you got it all out....what a spectacular vent!!! Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper, releasing the pent up emotion and spot on clarity that you have is liberating. You're more than ok...you're going to be just fine! Why thank you furious! I feel much better, and there are days that I am totally down about what has happened, how it happened, how it continues to be a struggle, blah blah But after posting that, I was in the bathroom doing my hair and makeup and dancing around to my jams. I said girl, you are amazing, spunky, fun, unique and hilarious. That boy made the biggest mistake of his life. I know I am a once in a lifetime type of girl and that has to be why he is so mean to me and mad at me. He knows he made a major blunder!!! 4
Spark1111 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 There are some people who can't handle the truth, and then there are some people who do not want to know the truth if it came knocking on the front door tied up in ribbons and bows. Keep dancing! 4
Summer Breeze Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 They all think THEIR married man is different. That he's a "good" man who made poor decisions One of the fOW here even has to have her man in therapy for him to win her over because he's so ****ed up his wife finally got rid of him. He made sure he slowly groomed this OW back into his life as soon as wife finally made the decision to cut him loose. These type of ****ed up MM always have to have someone waiting in the wings. But not THEIR MM. He's different. If it takes a Dday (or multiple Ddays) to ultimately snag your man . . . you are the backup plan ladies. Regarding the bolded. I'm not sure if this is aimed at me but since it's eerily similar to my own situation I'll assume it is. DMM left his xW well before Christmas 2011. He filed for D shortly after and he started IC right off. They also went to a MC to deal with some things that would remain from the M. I found out about this about 6 months after it all happened and I waited another few months before I acknowledged to him I'd read his email. Keep in mind this was 4 years after I broke it off with him. Everything he did was clearly his choice and for once he did things the right way for both his xW and myself. Did that play a big part in whether or not I'd see him again? yes it did. He'd done the hard work with zero prompting from me. I obviously didn't 'have to have my man in therapy' -- he did that all on his own months before I knew he'd even left the M. From that snide comment I figure you don't think a WS needs to be in therapy either. It must be something that the BS 'has to have' their WS do, and the WS is doing it to groom the BS into taking them. And to the majority on here I hope you realize I don't believe that last sentence, far from it. I am pointing out how Alice likes to throw things out no matter the double standard or lack of knowledge on the subject. Oh yes, and speaking of lack of knowledge -- he left and he filed for D, and if anyone wants details I'm good to answer a PM. I don't want to t/j here. Of course, this is only of interest if you were talking about me. If not I apologize to the OP. As far as ranting -- rant away. This is a great place to do it.
coffeebean201 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Wow. I loved reading this thread. You are to be admired for how you are handling this. 1
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