M30USA Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) For 9+ months I've now been exchanging children with my ex-wife and she continues to have what I consider an odd routine. She is ALWAYS escorted by either her mother or father. Always. She is 30 years old. I find this kind of strange. I can only think of 2 reasons why: 1) She is incapable of doing the dropoffs like any other adult woman, or 2) Her parents are trying to "protect" her. This second reason is highly ironic, since it was her who assaulted me and is now on probation. I have never laid a finger on her. I have lost pretty much all respect for her parents, especially after the divorce proceedings. They conspired with their daughter just so they could win primary custody. Her parents put on quite a show with lies and exaggerations. And the most ridiculous thing of all is that, immediately after the divorce, her father and mother BOTH continued to be all swell, chipper, and overly-polite at dropoffs, saying things like, "Oh hey _____, how's it going!" I think to myself, "Really?" So at this point I don't even speak to them, other than what is absolutely necessary for the children. And if her parents try to get involved, I simply tell them not to worry about it and that I've got it handled with the children's mother (ex wife). If I reciprocate the fake gestures of acting like everything is swell, then I'm basically telling them that I'm okay with all the deception and false accusations they brought against me in court. Their family (and their nationality) is one that prides itself on being superficially "nice" even when they're stabbing you in the back. It's a very appearance-oriented way of living. Any insight as to this odd behavior that is going on here? Edited January 5, 2013 by M30USA
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 She's probably convinced them that you abused her, so she wants them with her at all times when dealing with you (kid drop off).. I'd be careful though - With her parents as 'witnesses', I really hope she's not that evil to make up a story that you hit her again and she gets her folks to lie for her to screw you over and try to take the kids away from you. Maybe you should have a 'witness' or set up a video camera pointing at the door so if she accuses you of something, there's evidence that she made it up. Or maybe I just watch too much CSI, NCIS and other cop shows..
Author M30USA Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 She's probably convinced them that you abused her, so she wants them with her at all times when dealing with you (kid drop off).. I'd be careful though - With her parents as 'witnesses', I really hope she's not that evil to make up a story that you hit her again and she gets her folks to lie for her to screw you over and try to take the kids away from you. Maybe you should have a 'witness' or set up a video camera pointing at the door so if she accuses you of something, there's evidence that she made it up. Or maybe I just watch too much CSI, NCIS and other cop shows.. I agree. From what I've read about abusers, they are masters at reversing blame and convincing family/friends they they are the victim instead. And that's precisely why I discontinued any semblance of a relationship with her parents. They can act like friends on the surface but their actions clearly show otherwise. I do believe, however, that her father knows the truth. But he won't ever stand up for it since he fears his wife, who is the grand puppetmaster of the family. He must have learned early on that disagreement with her means punishment. I had to deal with the same thing from my ex, but fortunately I was allowed to see the light and escape.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Only deal with them when you have to and always keep it about the kids. Nothing personal at all. They don't have your best interest at heart, so as long as you know this, you'll be fine. 1
Author M30USA Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Only deal with them when you have to and always keep it about the kids. Nothing personal at all. They don't have your best interest at heart, so as long as you know this, you'll be fine. Yes, unfortunately it took me several years of marriage to realize this. Better late than never. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 My insight is that some people are friggin' idiots. I stopped trying to figure out my ex and her parents a while ago. To hell with them. Keep up the limited contact. My ex and I discuss the kids' schooling, illnesses and extra curriculars and that's it. And it's done 99% by text. I see her once a week when I drop them off with her and I'm irritated if I have to exchange more than a sentence. Detach and reach indifference. That's my advice. Ya an't gonna figure out ****. Damn nutjobs. They will twist their minds into a pretzel trying to make themselves into the victims. Don't entertain it. 2
standtall Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Hey man.. I would get one of those dash cams or one of those personal helmet cams....that way they can't conspire and get their lies together to accuse you of something. 1
Author M30USA Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 My insight is that some people are friggin' idiots. I stopped trying to figure out my ex and her parents a while ago. To hell with them. Keep up the limited contact. My ex and I discuss the kids' schooling, illnesses and extra curriculars and that's it. And it's done 99% by text. I see her once a week when I drop them off with her and I'm irritated if I have to exchange more than a sentence. Detach and reach indifference. That's my advice. Ya an't gonna figure out ****. Damn nutjobs. They will twist their minds into a pretzel trying to make themselves into the victims. Don't entertain it. LOL! True, and hilarious!
Author M30USA Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Hey man.. I would get one of those dash cams or one of those personal helmet cams....that way they can't conspire and get their lies together to accuse you of something. Well, our dropoff destination is at a public area with video cameras all over. So that's not a concern.
standtall Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Well, our dropoff destination is at a public area with video cameras all over. So that's not a concern. Good luck getting a subpoena on those...besides bro it's all about the audio. Don't say you were not warned.
Radu Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Good luck getting a subpoena on those...besides bro it's all about the audio. Don't say you were not warned. Always run with a VAR, or a friend at these drop-offs. I suspect they are there to watch out for their daughter's interests. The way you described her, it sounds like she is not fully high-functioning so they don't want her doing something that will endanger the family or their custody. So in this terms, think of her dad at those meetings as the avatar of the big puppetmaster at home. Paranoia is good with this woman, or need i remind you of your threads and what she did ? PS: Out of curiosity, what is her cultural background ? 1
Survivor12 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Whether out of concern or projection, perhaps they are there to assure that YOU have no grounds to accuse HER of doing anything violent or inappropriate. 1
stillafool Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 I don't understand what is wrong with her parents or friends accompanying her when she drops off the kids. It's about getting the kids to you isn't it? Maybe she asks them to ride along with her. If you are divorced what difference does it make as long as you get your kids on time. 3
Author M30USA Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 PS: Out of curiosity, what is her cultural background ? Hispanic...
Author M30USA Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 The way you described her, it sounds like she is not fully high-functioning so they don't want her doing something that will endanger the family or their custody. So in this terms, think of her dad at those meetings as the avatar of the big puppet master at home. I think you're right. They know their daughter lacks self control and have been covering for her since she was a baby.
coffeebean201 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Go back and see "StillAFool's" comments - they were right on point. People are tired of these high conflict divorces, especially when there is deception in a courtroom. Just love your children and move on. And you want to make sure your children love their heritage on both sides, yours and ex-wife's. 1
xxoo Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Sounds like she doesn't want to be alone with you, and her parents provide a buffer. Not so odd, if you've had an acrimonious relationship since the divorce. Is there a reason you'd prefer she come alone? 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 There is NOTHING wrong, weird, insinuatory, etc., about a person who is going through a negative divorce or even a break-up to choose to not be alone with their ex, ever. It means NOTHING about her, her family, her heritage, etc. In your case, your wife physically abused you. Why on Earth would you WANT her to come alone?
Radu Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Try to think of her father/mother as a witness. They are not there just for keeping things quiet. Get the VAR. 1
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