Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 See my initial post to the OP. I don't know why you people are attacking me for my response. I merely stated that it's not a good idea, but that if she's going to regret not doing it, then better off emailing than living with the regret. If she's already apologized so many times and he hasn't come back, chances are, there's nothing for her to ruin at this point. I don't think anyone is attacking you I know what you're saying. It's crap having to live with 'what if's' I don't want to contact him because like you said, it should be the dumper that contacts. But at the same time I do!! I sent like 6 texts (maybe more) after he finished with me. But I was all up in the air and I probably didn't make much sense. That was the last time I contacted him. Minutes after the break up. Which was on Tuesday.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 In fact, I'm more in agreement to your advice. Because sometimes people have to do whatever they feel they should do before they can truly move on. Love isn't universal, there's no one solution to every single breakup. People react differently and same actions will yield different results. Just saying so you know that there are some people who agree with your statement Btw the only one i see attking you is Todd. It's not I dont understand where he is coming from but to each his own. I'm not attack her, so get that straight. Yeah people should do as they please, and will. Doesn't mean ill advise such a thing. But no one dare say I'm attacking anyone. Thing about ls...someone makes a counter-opinion it's an attack.
gullibleme Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I would just say ...I have felt that same thing as you...I needed to send that one last E-mail for my own closure and piece of mind. I even said please do not respond I get it and you want me to move on. I thought that was that I was on my way to closure...BUT he did respond anyway...he needed to reiterate everything and I felt the hurt all over again...it was all to relieve his own guilt is all and in the end I just said " I cannot be your friend I feel you used me and are selfish, right now I hate you so go on and leave it be" he had to then keep it up and tell me he wasn't using me blah blah blah... I finally just never replied it was nothing but hurt and have been nc ever since...so really think about it if you can handle the hurt...it sucks to have it all said once again....so what if he's stubborn and MIGHT be waiting for you to contact him....he needs to man up if you are what he wants...move on and be happy it only take time and self reflection, you will realize in that time he really isn't ALL THAT and not the one for you.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 You apologized time and time again and he has ignored you. His last words were that he is done with you. So, why would you think he may think YOU don't give a crap about him? Because you're not begging enough? Maybe another 7 apologies will make him turn around? What will another email do that all the other messages haven't done? Let me ask you. If this was reversed. Would you have opened communication if he apologized 6 times? You would because you love him and you want to repair the relationship. You don't want to lose him. What is his silence telling you? Either that he doesn't give a flying **** or he is actually really hurt...
LostSoulTrain Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I don't think anyone is attacking you I know what you're saying. It's crap having to live with 'what if's' I don't want to contact him because like you said, it should be the dumper that contacts. But what if you were forced dumper? I tried to save our relationship many times and she promised to change things many times. Yet few days later she would go old way. Hence I felt I have to end it or stay with her but lose all self respect. I told her that I wish to be complete NC so I can move on. Its been 12 days without a word from her. Who should be first to break NC in this situation, dumper (me) or dumpee (her)?
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 By the way people. I was the reason why he ended it. Many think it was an out for him. I think so too. Just wanted to set the record straight. I don't know how to link my threads...
geegirl Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Either that he doesn't give a flying **** or he is actually really hurt... This guy that can go without seeing you for two months and even decline your efforts to travel to see him? I'm finding it hard to believe he is hurt.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 This guy that can go without seeing you for two months and even decline your efforts to travel to see him? I'm finding it hard to believe he is hurt. Yeah. That pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 This guy that can go without seeing you for two months and even decline your efforts to travel to see him? I'm finding it hard to believe he is hurt. Which is exactly what I was trying to get across...and that she'll only hurt herself. But I'm called out as attacking someone(pisses me off.) Prove it... Anyway I agree with this.
Sav Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Ho hum..some people don't get it. Attacking can have different meanings. You can attack their opinions or u can attack their characters. Your statement "Do not listen to anyone who advices you to leave an open avenue for communication" can be seen as an attack on people's beliefs that some people need to do certain things on their own before they can truly move on. Then again, I've stated that I understand where you come from and in my posts you will see that I broke down the dos and donts for her. If all you can focus on is the statement about you attacking nomore, then I apologize since you're having a little tantrum. Not going to jack this thread any further since LostGirl11 has made her decision. Just trying to clear things up. The hostility from just a few words lol, that's sad. Anyway LostGirl11, if you have made a decision, stick to it yea? Because if you made a decision and second-guess it, it will not help you a single bit in moving on. So be strong in your convictions and believe in your decisions . Only when you bliv in yourself, will it turn to reality. Goodluck!
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Ho hum..some people don't get it. Attacking can have different meanings. You can attack their opinions or u can attack their characters. Your statement "Do not listen to anyone who advices you to leave an open avenue for communication" can be seen as an attack on people's beliefs that some people need to do certain things on their own before they can truly move on. Then again, I've stated that I understand where you come from and in my posts you will see that I broke down the dos and donts for her. If all you can focus on is the statement about you attacking nomore, then I apologize since you're having a little tantrum. Not going to jack this thread any further since LostGirl11 has made her decision. Just trying to clear things up. The hostility from just a few words lol, that's sad. Anyway LostGirl11, if you have made a decision, stick to it yea? Because if you made a decision and second-guess it, it will not help you a single bit in moving on. So be strong in your convictions and believe in your decisions . Only when you bliv in yourself, will it turn to reality. Goodluck! Yeah. Like the hostility from you, no? Equally childish to call me out over the nomore. The other thing I thoroughly understand. But over here you are wrong. Nothing I said to her in that was an attack on her opinion and belief. I referenced the fact she said it ended in pain for her. That we as people giving advice shouldn't say to go and do the samething that caused them pain. That's not an attack. But yeah...let's no derail any further Sav, my bad...maybe its you who didn't get where I was coming from lol
geegirl Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Which is exactly what I was trying to get across...and that she'll only hurt herself. But I'm called out as attacking someone(pisses me off.) Prove it... Anyway I agree with this. I don't recall saying you were attacking anyone. In Lost's past threads, I was an advocate for no contact but sometimes people have to act on their own justifications no matter the consensus, get past it and move forward. They can listen or choose their own path. I told Lost to send the email because sometimes festering on an action causes more harm than doing it and letting it go. It's the choice of the OP. No one has intent to cause her harm or steer her wrong. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I know.. I do owe Sav an apology though for that first remark about ignoring that type of thing was uncalled for. I was only angry over the nomore thing...as I wouldn't attack her at all. Was using what she said to make a point. But I'm done with talking about this it distracts from the main post I owe you an apology too OP.
barrowranger Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Whatever you do dont email.... fingers crossed I have seen this in time. I went through the same moment a few years back, and emailed and from the moment I hit send to now I have felt terrible about it. Reading it back its basically just an overspill of all the things that ended the relationship in the first place. She never responded and although I thought it would make me feel better it was more than likely just a laughing point for her and her friends! Hope that helps!
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I know.. I do owe Sav an apology though for that first remark about ignoring that type of thing was uncalled for. I was only angry over the nomore thing...as I wouldn't attack her at all. Was using what she said to make a point. But I'm done with talking about this it distracts from the main post I owe you an apology too OP. Not a problem. Was probably a misunderstanding.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I don't recall saying you were attacking anyone. In Lost's past threads, I was an advocate for no contact but sometimes people have to act on their own justifications no matter the consensus, get past it and move forward. They can listen or choose their own path. I told Lost to send the email because sometimes festering on an action causes more harm than doing it and letting it go. It's the choice of the OP. No one has intent to cause her harm or steer her wrong. Would you send it geegirl?
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Not a problem. Was probably a misunderstanding. Yeah...but I am sorry anyway. I really don't want you hurting yourself and I came off as a dick(sure I was)...wasn't right I hope and wish you the best of luck Lost.
geegirl Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Would you send it geegirl? Factoring: 1. He can go without seeing you for two months and then decline your efforts to visit him. 2. He ended it with you. 3. You apologized 6 times and he's ignored you. I wouldn't reach out anymore. An apology opens the door to mending and restoring the relationship. He's not wanting or accepting the opportunity. It's time to let it go. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Factoring: 1. He can go without seeing you for two months and then decline your efforts to visit him. 2. He ended it with you. 3. You apologized 6 times and he's ignored you. I wouldn't reach out anymore. An apology opens the door to mending and restoring the relationship. He's not wanting or accepting the opportunity. It's time to let it go. I just keep thinking that they didn't really count because they were minutes after the phone call. He hasn't heard from me since. That's a stupid reason isn't it??
geegirl Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I just keep thinking that they didn't really count because they were minutes after the phone call. He hasn't heard from me since. That's a stupid reason isn't it?? You recognized you made a mistake and quickly tried to rectify it and show remorse. You did the right thing by doing that. And you did it six times, assuming message after message? He's read it/heard it. If he's as hurt and invested as you are, whether you sent it after the phone call or an hour after, there would be no difference.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 You recognized you made a mistake and quickly tried to rectify it and show remorse. You did the right thing by doing that. And you did it six times, assuming message after message? He's read it/heard it. If he's as hurt and invested as you are, whether you sent it after the phone call or an hour after, there would be no difference. Yep, message after message. Even tried to call him. He actually doesn't care does he...
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 LostGirl, I think I remember your original thread now. I think I told you back then that your ex was a narcissist, and that he doesn't understand the importance/meaning of apologies, and actually thinks an apology is a sign of weakness.. You did the apologizing (whether it was necessary or not), and he wasn't forgiving. At this point, if I were you, I'd be like, "f*ck you, assh*le!" (even if I wouldn't tell him that) and move on with my life.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 LostGirl, I think I remember your original thread now. I think I told you back then that your ex was a narcissist, and that he doesn't understand the importance/meaning of apologies, and actually thinks an apology is a sign of weakness.. You did the apologizing (whether it was necessary or not), and he wasn't forgiving. At this point, if I were you, I'd be like, "f*ck you, assh*le!" (even if I wouldn't tell him that) and move on with my life. The original post was called 'Hate myself' and explains the story and why I said sorry.
RR1 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Yes i would go with some contact unless you want to get rid of him, in which case don't or send him an email saying you don't want to see him. I would always go for contact if you want to save something, i figure if all you have to lose is some pride i would rather lose a whole heap of pride than someone i love, just because you contact him doesn't mean you have to beg, you can be mature and just say you would like to see him if he's available. Then you have been mature and not embarassed yourself in any way but you have made it clear that the door is open if he wants to see you. Best of luck.
mike588 Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Send the email. Type out everything you need to say and be done with it. If you don't, this is going to drive you up the wall. We can all tell you not to contact but you need to do what you need to do. You'll just be going against everything we say by justifying why you need to send the email 257 different ways. If this is your way of going through your own process of learning and letting go, then send the email but make sure you say everything you need to say and then NC. I've been there and also felt I needed to e-mail my ex.one last time and 'get things off my chest" cause it was driving me crazy. If and when you do make sure you say EVERYTHING you need to say..type it up but don't send it right away...sleep on it because your emotions/thoughts will change later. Do this for a day or so...re-read it..edit it send it and be done with it. You don't want to think later Oh I wished I would of said this or that and send another then another then another etc.etc. I personally wouldn't send anything and am a true believer in No Contact. Listen to geegirl.
Recommended Posts