LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry that you have to see a new thread from me pretty much everyday, it's the only thing that helps me not to break NC. Most of you know my story. I was just wondering, if I should send him an email, just one. I know most of you will say no but I'm worried that if I don't then I've lost all chances of getting him back. I was thinking today how he might be expecting me to contact him, even if he has no intentions of replying. He might be thinking 'Wow, she's hasn't even tried to get me back' I think I should, what have I got to lose? I don't mean turn into a begging psycho ex, but at least I can say I've tried....No? Edited January 5, 2013 by LostGirl11
Sav Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Well, there's always different perspective. I'm going to tell you mine. I will go with do NOT contact him. No matter what people say, you have to accept the fact that he broke up with you. But I understand your thinking of "having at least tried". Please clear such thoughts from your mind. There are infinite possibilities of "what ifs". However, there's only one truth, and that's the present. He has shown that he wants you out of his life. If he wants you back, he would at least say something. I don't mean come back begging for you but at least he will try to keep an open line of communication. At this stage, look at it in the worst case scenario. That he has moved on and is happy. Be strong, stay strong. But no matter what actions you choose to take, nobody will blame you, but you have to remember, every actions has its consequences and nobody but you will have to bear them. Goodluck Ps. No one will think you are irritating for posting everyday, everyone has gone through a similar path 3
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Well, there's always different perspective. I'm going to tell you mine. I will go with do NOT contact him. No matter what people say, you have to accept the fact that he broke up with you. But I understand your thinking of "having at least tried". Please clear such thoughts from your mind. There are infinite possibilities of "what ifs". However, there's only one truth, and that's the present. He has shown that he wants you out of his life. If he wants you back, he would at least say something. I don't mean come back begging for you but at least he will try to keep an open line of communication. At this stage, look at it in the worst case scenario. That he has moved on and is happy. Be strong, stay strong. But no matter what actions you choose to take, nobody will blame you, but you have to remember, every actions has its consequences and nobody but you will have to bear them. Goodluck Ps. No one will think you are irritating for posting everyday, everyone has gone through a similar path What do you mean keep an open line of communication? I really don't want to email him but something keeps telling me to! If he doesn't reply then so be it, but I think maybe I'd feel a little better knowing that I've tried...
geegirl Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 What do you mean keep an open line of communication? I really don't want to email him but something keeps telling me to! If he doesn't reply then so be it, but I think maybe I'd feel a little better knowing that I've tried... Send the email. Type out everything you need to say and be done with it. If you don't, this is going to drive you up the wall. We can all tell you not to contact but you need to do what you need to do. You'll just be going against everything we say by justifying why you need to send the email 257 different ways. If this is your way of going through your own process of learning and letting go, then send the email but make sure you say everything you need to say and then NC.
Sav Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 What I meant was that if he regretted his decision, he would have hinted in some manner. He would not go cold turkey. At the very least he would have initiated some contact in some manner to see if you are still hung up on him. Then again, if you really want to try and email him, go ahead. Nobody's stopping you. Sometimes we have do everything we can and realize it's not within our control before finally being able to move on. So if you think emailing him will help you move on, do it . Just a word of caution. It may also set you back. By emailing him, you might constantly check your emails for replies, wondering if he got your email. It can screw your mind up pretty bad. Just saying as a warning but once again, if you think it will help you move on, do go ahead 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Wrong. No, just no. How foolish. Do not keep nothing open. You are allowing for chances of hope to still exist. Block him. Stop this madness of self-defeat. You cry and beg like a dog; you return to vomit(that's what he is.) Like a dog. Do not be his dog, on a string, an emotional string. You will be crushed. Under an emotional weight. You want to contact him, out of the small shred of a hope that he will respond. Get rid of that hope. It's silly. It's destructive. There is no hope. No hope. Not in the slightest. It is over. If he cared, he would contact you, not him. He isn't worried you are not sending him an email. I'm not being mean, just real with you. Do not empower his ego. Love yourself better than this. Listen to no one that suggests leaving an avenue open. That will add to your pain.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I'm sorry that you have to see a new thread from me pretty much everyday, it's the only thing that helps me not to break NC. Most of you know my story. I was just wondering, if I should send him an email, just one. I know most of you will say no but I'm worried that if I don't then I've lost all chances of getting him back. I was thinking today how he might be expecting me to contact him, even if he has no intentions of replying. He might be thinking 'Wow, she's hasn't even tried to get me back' I think I should, what have I got to lose? I don't mean turn into a begging psycho ex, but at least I can say I've tried....No? It's really up to you, of course -- at the end of the day, if you feel like you will regret not doing this, then I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. I also ignored advice on here, because I didn't want to regret not giving my ex a second chance. But here's my 2 cents. If you don't contact him, it doesn't mean you don't want him back. It means you are respecting his wishes, after HE broke up with you. Remember? HE decided he didn't want you. HE didn't want the relationship. HE decided for the both of you... Yeah? So... if he DOES want you back, HE will contact you. No matter how much contacting you do, if he doesn't want you back, he doesn't want you back, and if anything, even if he was having second thoughts about the whole thing, you making yourself available to him will almost automatically devalue you in his eyes... Truth is, if he really regrets his decision, no matter how scary it might be for him to contact you, he will do it . He will not think of what it will do to his ego if you say no. He will not let his ego prevent him from contacting you. My ex regretted his decision and wanted to get back together -- and he did the contacting. IMO, the dumpee is the one who should do the contacting. And it should be very clear as to what his intentions are. Otherwise it's just breadcrumbs / him trying to alleviate his feelings of guilt, trying to convince himself that he's a nice guy after all... I'd say, do not give him that satisfaction... I go by the saying that goes something like this: let go of someone you love; if they do come back, you know that they love you, and if they don't, you will find out that they were never yours to begin with. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Send the email. Type out everything you need to say and be done with it. If you don't, this is going to drive you up the wall. We can all tell you not to contact but you need to do what you need to do. You'll just be going against everything we say by justifying why you need to send the email 257 different ways. If this is your way of going through your own process of learning and letting go, then send the email but make sure you say everything you need to say and then NC. I've been NC. I don't want to email him but I feel like he might think I don't give a crap. I won't go against any advice given.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I've been NC. I don't want to email him but I feel like he might think I don't give a crap. I won't go against any advice given. If you feel that way, then send the email. The worst thing is the feeling of regret and the constant "what if"s.. that's why I ignored advice on here, and went with what I felt like I wanted to do. It turned out to be the wrong decision and caused me some more pain, but you know what? It was preferable to the constant questioning of my decision and living with regrets.. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Correction: "IMO, the dumpee is the one who should do the contacting." The DUMPER is what I meant. But yeah, if you feel like you will regret not emailing him, then I'd email him.
geegirl Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I've been NC. I don't want to email him but I feel like he might think I don't give a crap. I won't go against any advice given. You apologized time and time again and he has ignored you. His last words were that he is done with you. So, why would you think he may think YOU don't give a crap about him? Because you're not begging enough? Maybe another 7 apologies will make him turn around? What will another email do that all the other messages haven't done? Let me ask you. If this was reversed. Would you have opened communication if he apologized 6 times? You would because you love him and you want to repair the relationship. You don't want to lose him. What is his silence telling you? 3
crashvector Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I think at this point, you do whatever you feel you must do. What's the worst that could happen? I make like 2 or 3 new threads a day....if it helps you cope with your grief and pain, I dont think anyone would care if you made 20 threads a day. We all cope in our own way...some of us come here. I have nowhere else to turn for advice except my friends, who are all clearly tired of hearing me whine and cry by now. So...post all you need to in order to help you process your emotions. 1
XKatieX Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 What do you mean keep an open line of communication? I really don't want to email him but something keeps telling me to! If he doesn't reply then so be it, but I think maybe I'd feel a little better knowing that I've tried... I have started writing drafts in my emails just writing out my thoughts and feelings, but not sending them and it has helped me a bit. Eventually you might get to a point where you feel like you need to say goodbye just to give closure to yourself and let him know you are accepting his decision. But don't make my mistake and say goodbye too soon, because then you might find yourself seconding guessing. But I would say if you feel you need to email him now, really think about everything you want to say first. I made the mistake of not fully thinking through everything.
Author LostGirl11 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I'm not going to email him. I've decided. It will cause me nothing but more pain. He could reply and be nasty and I could hear things that I don't want to hear, or he could ignore the email and this will only suggest that he doesn't care enough to even reply. You're all right, if he wanted to contact me, he would. Ego or not. The more I beg the more power he has. And do you know what...it will make him feel special and loved and even though what I said was out of line he doesn't deserve to feel that way. He also doesn't know that I'm missing him, and if I send that email, he'll know. Am I sounding bitter? I don't know but all I do know is is that I'd rather keep things how they are. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Guess there is no point in advice that goes unheeded. Begging doesn't win anyone back. Why win love anyway...love is free, not won, not this way... What ifs? Huh? I'd rather be afraid of my decisions, and in constant worry, then beg like a dog for someone that is probably off with someone else. What ifs...are the loneliest words... Doing something in vain....but meh, what do I know compared to the gods of ls...not that I haven't been there or nothing. Take the advice...why waste your effort. Maybe he will get you for harassment then you will see... Nomore you only got pain, as you said, so why advise her to do what she wants - knowing the end result? We should keep people from harm...not push them into it.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I'm not going to email him. I've decided. It will cause me nothing but more pain. He could reply and be nasty and I could hear things that I don't want to hear, or he could ignore the email and this will only suggest that he doesn't care enough to even reply. You're all right, if he wanted to contact me, he would. Ego or not. The more I beg the more power he has. And do you know what...it will make him feel special and loved and even though what I said was out of line he doesn't deserve to feel that way. He also doesn't know that I'm missing him, and if I send that email, he'll know. Am I sounding bitter? I don't know but all I do know is is that I'd rather keep things how they are. You made the right choice...for yourself. I am so very proud of you...I could hug you to death!
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Nope, the "what if" comment was not about begging. It doesn't have to be about begging. In my case, the "what if" was about giving him a second chance when he contacted me, or completely ignoring him / turning him down. I chose the former, because I still loved him and couldn't live with the constant regret of not giving it another chance. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Nomore you only got pain, as you said, so why advise her to do what she wants - knowing the end result? We should keep people from harm...not push them into it. I am not pushing anyone into anything. She can decide for herself. I am just saying that I'd understand if she doesn't take the advice given on here. I only got pain, but I do not regret my decision. If I hadn't given him that second chance, I would still be wondering what would've happened if I had. Now I know for sure. I paid for it with more pain, but that's ok. Better than not living your life to the fullest, and living with the regrets. The pain is much more bearable than any regrets I might've had. I knew that, so I took the chance. Also, we don't always learn from the mistakes of others. Sometimes we need to learn from our own mistakes. 1
XKatieX Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Nope, the "what if" comment was not about begging. It doesn't have to be about begging. In my case, the "what if" was about giving him a second chance when he contacted me, or completely ignoring him / turning him down. I chose the former, because I still loved him and couldn't live with the constant regret of not giving it another chance. I mean I really feel like if someone is gone, they are gone no matter what you do. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain. However, there are some cases where you could go too far and ruin any chance in the future IF they did decide to come back. Something I've learned all too well...
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Also, I strongly advise against groveling/ begging. The only one who should be doing the groveling at this point is the dumper. But I wouldn't hold my breath.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I mean I really feel like if someone is gone, they are gone no matter what you do. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain. However, there are some cases where you could go too far and ruin any chance in the future IF they did decide to come back. Something I've learned all too well... See my initial post to the OP. I don't know why you people are attacking me for my response. I merely stated that it's not a good idea, but that if she's going to regret not doing it, then better off emailing than living with the regret. If she's already apologized so many times and he hasn't come back, chances are, there's nothing for her to ruin at this point.
XKatieX Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 See my initial post to the OP. I don't know why you people are attacking me for my response. I merely stated that it's not a good idea, but that if she's going to regret not doing it, then better off emailing than living with the regret. If she's already apologized so many times and he hasn't come back, chances are, there's nothing for her to ruin at this point. No I'm not attacking you, I'm agreeing with you. I tried to edit my post to clarify that but it wouldn't let me.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Nope, the "what if" comment was not about begging. It doesn't have to be about begging. In my case, the "what if" was about giving him a second chance when he contacted me, or completely ignoring him / turning him down. I chose the former, because I still loved him and couldn't live with the constant regret of not giving it another chance. Ah I see. I was referring to her though begging, not you. From what I gather, she has already tried many times...once more wouldn't be good.
Sav Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 See my initial post to the OP. I don't know why you people are attacking me for my response. I merely stated that it's not a good idea, but that if she's going to regret not doing it, then better off emailing than living with the regret. If she's already apologized so many times and he hasn't come back, chances are, there's nothing for her to ruin at this point. In fact, I'm more in agreement to your advice. Because sometimes people have to do whatever they feel they should do before they can truly move on. Love isn't universal, there's no one solution to every single breakup. People react differently and same actions will yield different results. Just saying so you know that there are some people who agree with your statement Btw the only one i see attking you is Todd. It's not I dont understand where he is coming from but to each his own. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 See my initial post to the OP. I don't know why you people are attacking me for my response. I merely stated that it's not a good idea, but that if she's going to regret not doing it, then better off emailing than living with the regret. If she's already apologized so many times and he hasn't come back, chances are, there's nothing for her to ruin at this point. Oh I'm not trying to attack you Nomore. I wouldn't do that to a person I think is as awesome as you are. Was stating my opinion on it. Once again, wasn't saying you doing the begging. The op Never think I'd attack you nomore d rather die then that. 1
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