Hopeful714 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Sometimes I come on here and read the posts and it takes me back to a bad place. Sometimes I feel I have something to share. Sometimes I just need to vent. I'm still hurting, but learning to just live with the pain now. I went out last night. Actually felt pretty, got several looks, talked with some guys, but felt nothing. I felt confident, but now in retrospect this morning, feeling kinda crappy I'm thinking it could have been the alcohol. As I was in my car, and we went to several places I felt some anxiety. Would I see him on the road, would I bump into him? I looked around at all the places I went looking at faces and people almost wishing I'd see him or someone like him...but again, I saw/felt nothing. I looked for people that resembled him. On the way home, and when I woke up this morning I was almost tempted to do the "drive by" to see if he was home or if there was someone there...but I didn't. I have no idea what he is up to and he has no idea about me. It sucks, but it is what it is and if he thinks of me at all I'm sure he wonders too....about who I am now with, kissing, sleeping with...although there is no one. I wonder when I will ever wake up and have these feelings about him totally gone. I know the problems that existed with him have not gone away overnight and that they are someone else's "problem" now. For that, I suppose I'm thankful. I'm sure he did not become an "ideal honest caring man" in the few months we have been apart. I miss the good times, they seem so far away. But then all the good were littered with so much bad and I know deserve better. I need to keep working on myself. I know "I" was good to him. That matters to me. So on with the day. Pulling myself up and getting through another one. Doing the things I need to do to stay on track and heal. I just wish somehow, someway...all Im feeling for him would just go away and I could forget.
Author Hopeful714 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Here I am again..lol. My ex wanted his cake and eat it too. Wanted me as the GF yet wanted to "disappear" on occasion with no explanation. I could not ask questions...or if I did ask a question he would get defensive and I would never get a real answer. What the heck kind of relationship.... after 15 months is this? How on earth is this kind of thing supposed to be acceptable? I was not overbearing. I was not over questioning. I was just being a gf...or trying to...I had a right to know didn't I? Didnt I have any rights? I never had anything to hide, yet he was trying so hard to hide things from me. What kind of man is this? He wanted/wants a doormat....and I obliged for a while. This blows my mind.
Author Hopeful714 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Wouldn't it be great if we could rent billboards on the highway and put their pic on them with the words "CHEATER...LIAR" I must be hung-over...or too much coffee. Sorry.
soccerrprp Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Keep venting, honey! You'll heal soon enough. If these feelings simply washed away in an instant, you wouldn't be human. Work it through and remember YOU DO DESERVE BETTER.
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