lisamarie Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I am sorry if this is long....but its complicated. My boyfriend and I both ended our previous relationships last year the exact same kind, met each other at a BBQ and it is kinda strange how everything turned out. We were NOT interested in anything serious not at all, in fact after sleeping together a couple of times I found out he was trying to be with baby momma still. So I ended it told him he wasn't going to be receiving anything positive by sleeping with me. He then got in contact with me later because I guess things were just not going to work out. Eventually he became my business partner and we work beside each other, and we continued to sleep together and soon developed feelings for each other. I thought him and his ex were completely over, when I found out he was still trying to make the family stick together. He just didn't want to walk out on them. She eventually asked him if he was sleeping with anyone and he told her about me, and now she is furious. I do not know how many times I told him to just go be with his family, and be with her! and don't half ass it give it his all and make it count. Once she found out about me I guess she had no intention in fighting for him, which we found out was because she had a boyfriend the whole time and had cheated on him 2 during their relationship. So...The problem. They have a house together and she hasn't worked in over a decade, she got the house obviously because of the kids. My boyfriend paid for everything, and only till a couple of months ago did he stop. She was moving the new boyfriend into his house and him and her were going to pay the mortgage. Until she let it go to collections because she felt it was only fair that my boyfriend pay the bill because they were moving and saving for their new life. But of course, she wants child support, and the house to go to foreclosure because she can file bankruptcy and doesn't care since she doesn't work and has no intention to later. This would force my boyfriend into bankruptcy too because we have moved into his fathers house to help pay that bill because he has become disabled. Foreclosure is not happening because we are clearing up with the bank and finding renters because there is no sense in quitting and having his credit go to the *****, now she is pissed because she is responsible for the house also with her name on it and refuses to renew the mortgage with him until he pays her 2500 in child support i guess paying for her vehicle insurance, mortgage, credit cards, property taxes heating and gas isn't supporting children at all. She calls my boyfriend for reasons other than the children to tell him about her sex life with her new boyfriend, how she loves him, and does everything she wouldn't do with him with her new man. Sending him photos of herself naked saying how she thought he should see how much weight she has lost. Now....the unthinkable has happened to her and her best friends husband passed away. We are taking her 2 dogs, and the children for some extra days....I really don't want to give any of them back lol. We told her that her and her man have to be out for february so we can get the renters in before this horrible event happened to her, all of the sudden though she was interested in the house she has been setting up appointments for her friends to start viewing the house. I told my boyfriend to have a conversation with her about how she could just walk away from the house let us deal with it and eventually we could get her off the title and assume the debt, because if she is going to a part landlord with him she is responsible to get the bank caught up, and helping pay for anything the renters need done, also attending to them, But she should just walk away and put her energy into helping her friend. He received a phone call again about how she wasn't going to sign for the renewal of the mortgage and that she wanted child support and then...received another phone call from an emotionally drained woman who was putting too much on her plate... was asking for some room. We have never wanted confrontation, I absolutely adore her children and care for them as if they were my own, her boy even told me they were kinda like my children he is 6 years old...it was amazing to hear. So of course! let us do it all..... but.... Now they were best friends again, I woke up from my graveyard shift to her standing in my bedroom doorway. She was dropping off the kids but still....wow lol. She stuck around for a couple of hours and we talked for a little bit then my boyfriend came home from work, she probably hugged him like 3-4 times. Which is strange haha, she was having conversations with him filling him in on details of her mom and things that again were strange.... I know emotions are funny and I shouldn't take it personal at all..... but I started to when she called later and they were chatting, we had the kids so....why call?? asking about whether or not I was working again that night.... I like her but I also consider her dangerous, if she is going to walk into my house without calling me or something.... i just feel disrespected....and that I have been super patient and super non confrontational. I once wrote her because I wanted her to know she will always be her kids mom and that I know that, wanted to show my respect that we could try nurturing a relationship no matter how uncomfortable...she replied saying she has no intention of ever being my friend not now or in the future that I am just a rebound that he will never love me the way he loves her..... My boyfriend and I got into a fight about how friendly she had gotten, like the past year never happened, best friends on!!.... I feel insecure. I just need some comforting words or something.... I am 24 years old and they are 29, I do not have any children just an animal family. I am working on my own business planning to secure our future, and work graveyards at the hospital, sometimes staying up the whole next day because there are children at the house that looove to play.... I love him....and he is the most amazing man, he is worth fighting for... he was from the beginning.... sometimes I cannot control my emotions and may over react.... and I feel bad I should be his safe place from him.... I have never! fought with her or said anything negative to her or her children...other than the fact that maybe he needs space since she just told him she cheated on him, even when she wrote me back I didn't reply. I get the kids to make crafts for her and her new boyfriend.... I don't know... sometimes I am at my wits end. And I become extremely sad thinking about starting a relationship with someone who doesn't have kids.... I want to marry him:( Sometimes he asks so jealous of their sexual relationship, saying things like oooooh but not with me, sometimes he says things and wonder if he is actually thinking or just conversing with a best friend hahaha..... he said he is no longer jealous that they are living his life living with his kids....that theres a reason why I am wearing his mothers wedding band she gave him before she died.... that he is so proud he had to go through all the pain he did to find me, that he wouldn't change a thing. I get so confused....
phineas Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Cliffs. Please. If there was a question in there I couldn't find it.
amaysngrace Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 You sound like a great woman. I don't know why you are putting up with this. It doesn't matter what he says or what he gives you, it's his actions that matter. If he's carrying on this way with her it's disrespectful to you. If he's serious about ending all ties to his previous relationship, he should hire a family lawyer and follow their recommendations. This way she won't be able to keep getting her way or blackmail him with CS. Is there even an order for support? If not then she has no right to say he owes her anything. The shared property needs to be addressed as well. And you should change the locks to where you live if she has a key. Did you ever tell him how his relationship with her makes you uncomfortable? Did you ever tell him that discussing her sex life with her or her sending naked pictures to him is inappropriate? He can't read your mind you know...despite the connection you have with him. 1
Radu Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 It was a vent phineas, we've all been there. OP, what is he doing about this ? Is he playing nice to her as a tactic to solve this thing ? Is he making it clear to you that you and him are a team and that she is the enemy ? Because from what you wrote, it sounds like he is either not over her, he does not know how to enforce boundaries, or he still has a thing for her. The latter could have some validity because he was actually pining for her for a long time. --- As for the woman, if even half of what you wrote is correct, she is a skank. She is toxic to your relationship and she uses her 2 remaining assets that tie her to your guy ... the house and the kids. She cares for neither of those 2 things much, but they are 'hers'. The reason she acted the way she did after her friend's husband died is probably because she panicked at the thought of her not being provided for. Don't worry about it though, i doubt she would have given you the house if you had paid the 2500$, ppl like her don't respect deals and ride their emotional wave. An option would be to give up the house and incur the penalty, just to get this girl out of your life. --- The problem is not this woman, it is your boyfriend. He is the only one who can stop this, by involving a lawyer, establishing rules, and holding that skank accountable to them. I would advise you to do 3 things : - separate yourself emotionally and financially from the outcome of this ordeal. This means, see if you can run that business by yourself if need be. This also means becoming outcome independent to the whole thing. Ppl who care the least about the outcome of any type of relationship are the ones in power. Think of it as a game of chicken between 2 cars going head to head. The one to not care and not veer away, wins. - treat this whole ordeal as a test of your man. By this i mean, hint or even say what you want from him, but do not push for it. If he fails the test [and in my book just from what you wrote of him and what he is, he failed], then leave and do not look back. - the fact that you accept this crap from both of them, does not speak well of you. In fact, it means that you do not respect yourself fully, that you might be insecure. He does not sound like a catch and you are the youngest here and the one who is unattached. You hold all the cards, it is you who is a catch here. So why are you chasing him ? Some ppl here will recommend you good books on this subject, so keep writing here to vent and give better shape to your thoughts. PS: If your guy is using the term 'baby-momma', that's another mark against him. 2
Author lisamarie Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 There was most definitely a time where he still had feelings for her... Thank you for the advice I will most definitely keep posting on this website. I am a sole proprietor in my business and actually hired him on so there are no issues there, what I do need to do is secure myself. Put my head down into my work and keep rocking, him and I had an excellent conversation today, I told him that if I am going to be his safe place to return to when she is being crazy, that I need him to also protect me from her, that there needs to be boundaries. It is amazing that she has raised such amazing kids, and I feel so much like a parent to them. Teach them proper mentalities, and what love should look like, and a clean house hahahaha. I do need to keep my self respect in check, kinda a kick in the junk Id have to say hahaha. If I loved myself more then this situation would never happen, I also may suffer a little bit from my past relationship where I made a huge fuss over other woman in our relationship and my jealousy ended up destroying the relationship....which was the best thing that ever happened to me because abuse can be disguised in many ways. I am in the fine mingling of holding on and letting go, what is too much and what is all in my head. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and read my rant haha, and will most definitely remember to pick up my paint brushes and enjoy my own life and theirs while practicing detachment. I do hold the cards and intend on playing my hand better, with respect for everyone, and compassion, and self respect. Thank you:)
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