Where exactly do we stand?

[conekill3r]

Wow, I just wrote a post that took me an hour to make and when i hit "post" it gave me the "you are not logged in" error. Damn it lets try writing everything again. I apologize for any grammatical errors that you will find in the post because right now I feel like **** with everything im going through.

 

So I was with a girl for 4 years. I know her for about 6 years. We started off great. I love her she loved me. This was a long distance relationship, she is in Texas, I'm in Miami Florida. I met her when our mutual best friend passed away in a car accident and I went to visit her to comfort her. Well, everything was great for the first 2 years. She always had the problem of asking me where I was who I was with and what was i doing constantly. I didn't mind that at all because in my mind i figured she was really into me. The problems started because I had alot of female friends prior to meeting her and I didnt have many guy friends. I connect better with females because I feel like I can open up to them and talk to them about my problems. Well she didn't like that and kind of forced me to stop talking to females because 2 of them had tried to break me and my ex gf up. Anyway, I stopped talking to females all together for her. My mom passed away December 22 2009 and I didnt mourn her for at least a year after she passed away because it was such a shock to me. She died of cervical cancer. I got arrested sometime in 2010 for driving with a suspended license for not paying a speeding ticket. My girlfriend obviously was pissed off and told me if it ever happened again that it would be over between us. Well my girlfriend went to India for about 2 months in 2010 to go to her sisters wedding over there.

 

This is when I started feeling very depressed about my mother since December 22 2010 passed and I wasnt really able to talk to my gf due to her being in India. I was pretty down on myself. And I started getting angry at everyone (not my girlfriend though, at least not yet). Well, she comes back from India and starts acting differently towards me, starts calling me a deaf ass or starts saying "****ing ****" if i ask her to repeat herself because I cant hear her on the phone. Well we start bickering everyday of the littlest ****, it's not only on her end either, I have fault for alot of the bickering too, I unfortunately started picking up on her habits of asking what the other is doing and who they are with and all that. Except, when I ask her all those questions she starts accusing me of not trusting her, not giving her time to hang out with her friends. Anyway this goes on for about 2 more years, but we still stay together, we still love each other for those 2 more years. Fast forward to 2012, I buy a house and start working on my Masters degree, I buy an engagement ring because I plan on going to see her again. My masters thesis is due in very early may (i forgot the date) and in April 2012 I get arrested AGAIN for a suspended license, I didnt take care of a speeding ticket that i had to go to court for and they suspended my license on top of putting out a warrant for not showing up in court.

 

I won't make any excuses. It was my fault, i should have taken care of it, it was my responsibility. Completely accept it. I end up being in jail for 3 weeks because the judge that you see the morning after you get arrested put a $100 bond that was the suspended license bond to $1000, and raised the $500 bond to $5000 to teach me a lesson. I come back out at the 3rd week (Early May 2012) and my gf breaks up with me the day after. I accept the breakup. I had promised her I wouldnt get arrested again but I failed her. I was really hurt but I totally knew where she was coming from. I got released from jail on a Sunday, and because the date of turning in my thesis was the tuesday before I got release I was in jeopardy of losing the whole year that I was going to school for my masters degree. I requested a hearing with the Dean of Judicial affairs at the University of Miami and they grant me a hearing, I turn in my thesis on monday and I am able to prove with my jail release papers that my thesis WAS completed before the due date, but i wasnt able to turn it in due to me being in jail. The dean grants the late acceptance of my thesis paper because the only problems with the law ive had have been speeding tickets and the 2 driving with license suspended, it ends up being a good paper and I am able to get my Masters degree.

 

Well, this all happened in the course of two days. I get released sunday, go to UM on Monday and get everything sorted out with the school. I get my Masters degree that same week. It was a positive note to what was a horrible 3 weeks in jail plus the heartbreaking monday talk i had with my girlfriend. For those first 5 days, I was taking the breakup remarkably well. However that Saturday, I find out that a guy had flown in to stay in a hotel with my girlfriend (post break up) and I am absolutely crushed. just devastated because that meant that they had plans to see each other already while I was in jail and me and my girlfriend were talking on the phone pretty much everyday while I was in there. I fall into a deep depression and cry my eyes out when I find out there was someone else all along. About a month goes on and an old female friend that I've know for 13 years and was emailing about my problems starts comforting me and she comes to visit me for about a week and a half. We spend my birthday in Key west, we go skydiving, things are good man, and my ex gf calls me because she needed help with something (that i'd rather not say on this forum). So i make time to help her. Anyway, i start talking to my female friend and we start dating eventually. I got a promotion at work due to my masters degree and I start making double what I was making the year before. Things start looking up and I'm starting to be happy again because the new girl I was dating was a model, had a temporary tv show in LA, she was 29 and more mature than me and knew how I was as a person and would comfort me when I needed it. We were seeing each other every weekend pretty much because we both make decent money. Id fly out there, she would fly down here. etc. This went on for about 2 or 3 months.

 

Suddenly my ex gf starts calling me everyday and we talk here and there everyday. One night she goes to a bachelorette party and calls me late that night. Tells me she's sorry for the choices she's made, and she regrets leaving me, she still loves me, wants me sexually (although she was more explicit than that). Anyway, I guess I take this the wrong way and believe she wants something with me again. Well, she calls me every morning on her way to work, calls me after she gets off. The girl I was dating hated it, and did something to my ex gf(the one of 4years) that absolutely was wrong and I break up with the girl i was dating. Being single once again my feelings that never really faded for my ex gf come out again. I love hearing her voice over the phone, love listening to her talk to me about her day at work, wish i could hold her when she has problems, etc. I buy her gifts, send her to a spa, try to win her back, and I start assuming me and her are talking like we are going to get back together. Throughout this time I'm still depressed because we aren't actually in a relationship, and I drop massive weight, I went from 5'11 183lbs to 5'11 148 lbs. I was running 5 miles every single night and sometimes not eating at all. I started running in August and stopped on October 9th when I developed a foot injury.

 

Anyway, I find out my aunt that lives in Ecuador and has been taking care of my property that my mother had left me when she passed away, developed terminal cancer. So that adds to my stress levels, I fall into a deeper depression because of this. So my ex gf(of 4 years) decides she wants to come visit me on December 22 until the 24th. I feel super happy when she tells me this, because I didn't want to spend another December 22 by myself. She also tells me that we will see if we can work things out between us when she comes down. So that gets me even more excited and gives me a positive outlook on life. Well, come December 22 2012, the day shes supposed to come see me, we argue in the early morning because I ask her why was she acting very distant toward me for the last week she told me "we arent in a relationship why does it matter" i just reply with a "whatever". Anyway, later on in the morning she calls me from the airport and tells me she wont be flying down here because the tickets she bought from craigslist were a scam. So im let down and I get all mopey of course. I then get upset and accuse her of not actually planning to come anyways and it was all an act, she tells me no and we argue again.

 

But we still talk that day. On that night she goes out with a female friend and a guy friend. I text her "im sorry, its just that I really needed some company tonight" because she knows my mom passed away on December 22. I call her a few times but she doesnt pick up. Well, i spend the 22nd alone. Thinking about my mom, all sad and ****. She calls me at around 3 am on the 23rd when she gets home, just to tell me shes home and she couldnt pick up because her phone was charging in her friends room. So she distances herself again from me that week but we still talk everymorning when she goes to work after the 26th. We talked a few days ago and I ask her if she can give me until I come back to Ecuador to make things right between us, but she tells me that she has been talking to someone else and that the guy she went out to dinner with on the 22nd is the guy she's talking to. So now I'm crushed. Early Friday morning (yesterday) I call her to make sure she wakes up for work because the last 2 days she was late due to her waking up late. We talk and I ask her, ok so where exactly do we stand? She told me "I gave myself until the end of the year to work things out with you, I never told you we were 'talking talking' and for you to get your act together, but you still ask me questions". Mind you, she was asking me these same questions but like I said before, it doesnt bother me. So she then tells me "i want to give this guy a chance, im not in love with you anymore". So here I am, I ran 7 miles tonight and still not tired. I feel like ****. I feel like crying. I need help.

[user6667]

you need to cut that out. it is over. i would recommend no contact. none at all, with any of them that make you feel bad. mostly the one who keeps calling. she is not helping you dude, she is bringing you down. she should have been there for you, but she wasnt. it's a mess. end it.

 

NC. stay single for a while perhaps. get a job. get a steady daily routine. take care of yourself. eat well, sleep well. exercise. take care of yourself emotionally.

 

if you want my advice. GL