kdobbs Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) Hi guys, thanks in advance for any help or advice. I will try to sum things up as much as possible, I am desperate for some advice. First thing, I love my girlfriend a lot, and I would do anything to stay with her... But the problem is I am starting to feel like an option to her and that she may have a major case of GIGS.. I might be wrong.. I want to know if I am being paranoid? I always had a good relationship with her, we were loving, loyal etc.. But a few months back she started a new job, moved and expressed the need for space. We got back together quickly and things were a bit rocky, until about a month later she got really drunk and 'kissed' someone at a bar. Basically she didn't tell me, I found out another way. Now obviously alarm bells ringing in my head, was it something more, in her hysterical state, she swears blind it was just a kiss. We ended because she was feeling guilty, but again shortly after we got back together. I expressed the need to discuss what happened and every time she got angry.. She said she couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't trust her. After going no contact, she has begged to get back with me. So we did as I wasn't going to throw my relationship away over a drunken kiss and things have been good ever since. We have been back together for about 2 months now. But now things aren't the same.. I am no longer the priority as I am used too, she has a new best friend who she alternates weekends with seeing me and they do go out to bars every weekend. Our physical side of the relationship is good, but she isn't as affectionate.. I mean by this we don't really kiss, say we love each other or feel that close. The future is no longer talked about, she expresses how we need to focus on doing well in our own lives. My family and friends think I read too much into things and I am being paranoid, possibly true, I am a very paranoid person.. Though I trust her and I am not jealous of anyone else. I just want to know if it sounds like an option? Is she keeping me on board because it scared her being alone? Being an option is the last thing I want. She said her mate tells her about this couple she knows who break up and then get back together after a bit because it is 'meant to be'. I don't want to be a part of that mentality. I should mention that also.. Not knowing 100% with evidence it was in fact just a kiss (All I know is she went back to her friends that night) still bothers me. Again, any help is greatly appreciated. Edited January 5, 2013 by kdobbs Adding more
Casablanca Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Sticky situation IMO How old is she and how old are you? My biggest concern would be this alternating weekends **** with her friend. I'd never do that to someone, it makes it seem like you're part time boyfriend and I know no women I've dated would allow me to do the same to them. You two need to talk and you need to lay out what you need from her. There is nothing wrong with laying out your needs in a relationship and if she can't provide them you need to move on. Do be willing to compromise, perhaps if she had a girls night once a month instead of every other weekend is fine, people do need space from their partner to be with their friends. But overall I don't think it will end well unless she does some soul searching and decides you are more important than her friend. But YOU are going to have to initiate the change in her. Good luck, let us know how it goes what ever you do
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 From what you typed it sounds like its over, just not officially. Just go with your gut, and usually in these types of cases, its usually the right choice.
Axee Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Whats wrong with you ? Its ok, She has her OWN life.. She had probably made you a priority but you havent lived upto that so she has decided to be balanced in her life. Ya, and about the drunken kiss, you are actually not trusting her when she has sweared repeatedly that it was just a kiss. Relax a bit..
Alia_alia Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 The problem I see here is not "just the drunk kiss", but rather what pushed the kiss and does she put herself in that kind of situation again. By just a kiss it means she was alone, vulnerable and drunk at a bar. A girl who cares about her bf would not let that happen. That is all. The only thing for you to do is continue with your own life and make her less of a priority. Develop yourself and do not consider it as sacred of a relationship as it used to be. Or, you can just break things off, if you want to. You say she begged you to get back to her? How did she convince you?
Author kdobbs Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 Initially I went straight into no contact, and she kept sending me texts as if she wanted to sort things out but I ignored them. She then called me after about 2 weeks after it happened, so I answered to see that she was ok and I could tell she was a hysterical mess, but at this point I still refused to take her back. We had still gone another a week and a half without it, and by this point I had experienced single life myself a bit, I went out to bars and mingled with girls, kissing, to be honest I hated it. I got a call from my best mate, who is very close with her, and he said she basically said to him that she missed him a lot and was gutted they might never see each other again. (Gay best friend) He apparently gave her a reply in vein of "I'm gonna miss you a lot too, but I don't condone what happened..." I spoke to him and said if she happens to call... I want him to quiz her about this kiss in everyway possible.. And I want him to try and catch her out. Low and behold she rang and they spoke for a long time, he grilled her and did exactly what I asked and basically, keeping things in summary, he said, based on what she told him that he believed everything she said. I took a bit more time of no contact to think things over, and she came back again and really wanted another chance as she was just not happy anymore. To be honest, neither was I, so I said we would give it another chance. We have now been together ever since. But these things Niggle at me.
lisamarie Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Hey.... I was with my previous boyfriend for 5 years. He worked on the rigs, it was horrible I never saw him, only 1 week of every month and I lived with him. He was a jerk to me, even his mother told me my son is an a**hole you should just move.... but....I was the one who did the drunken cheating kiss....she even knew that, thats how terrible our relationship had gotten... but I loved him....or the illusion of him, when he did come home we would spend all sorts of money and have so much fun! But....he was mean a lot...He would tell me he would flirt with girls, that flirting is..... you know.... innocent. He started to talk with the paramedic on his rig, she would call text him all the time. It was horrible I was so jealous.... one night.... I got super drunk and kissed one of our good friends.... it was a good kiss not just a peck.... i felt Horrible.... I told him the next day it was extremely difficult..He wanted it to still work, he forgave me and we worked on our relationship for another three months.... I continued to be super jealous of this girl and after a super long fight I even punched the wall and broke the last bone in my hand.... i was miserable, angry, lost.... I eventually broke up with him.... and guess what.... he was banging the paramedic, slept with her on our 5 year anniversary.... i found out by my girlfriend who went to the house and met her.... truth is.... unhappiness kills.... it is poison to the body and you need to get rid of it. You sometimes have to do the most painful things to come out of it realizing that truly.... theres more to life than struggling through a relationship.... once you can see the miracle of the single flower do you experience enlightenment.... the present moment. I was no longer my authentic self, I am not angry.... I am a person of influence and once your free maybe you can realize too that your life has a higher purpose... kissing my friend was the best thing that has ever happened to me, you need to start paying attention to the signs.... life is beautiful...so are you...so is she and both of you deserve happiness..... my ex is still with that paramedic.... and a week after I found out about Jayne I went to a barbecue and met the man of my dreams.... everything i learnt from my last relationship conditioned me for this new one..... its okay to let go.... its okay to grieve, its okay to still love her.... its okay to choose the hard road so you can find true happiness..... what I have now totally kicks the crap out of the 6 times i had to move, having hand surgery, placing a bunch of my animals in different homes.... loosing a lot of my stuff..... forgive her...and forgive yourself..... if its not the most amazing love ever than let go! or stay and give it your all! then if it gets better than yes! have love in your heart and move forward....but if its not amazing....forgive the situation and let go.... I just met up with my ex and his girlfriend for dinner so they could adopt lenny my ex and I beagle.... everything happens for a reason.... do what you love to do as a hobby and don't try and control her.... go be happy! Loneliness is the shadow of missing individuality....
Casablanca Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 Whats wrong with you ? Its ok, She has her OWN life.. She had probably made you a priority but you havent lived upto that so she has decided to be balanced in her life. Ya, and about the drunken kiss, you are actually not trusting her when she has sweared repeatedly that it was just a kiss. Relax a bit.. So if he hasn't lived up to what ever she wants, than he isn't a good match, correct? Also having your own life is one thing, but making him her part time boyfriend is another thing
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