Sparkly24 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Hi everyone. I need some advice please. It has been about 6 days since I told me MM I didnt want to be in a EA with him anymore and his dismissive and uncaring reaction has broken my heart. I am newly single after breaking up with my bf in October 12 because of my MM. I was very happy about being single and now I have been rejected by my MM I have been finding things very difficult. Before I met MM I was very unhappy and didn't know why. I enjoyed my job but really when I was away from work I was insecure about my body, suffered a lot of social anxiety, didnt know how to be motivated to leave the flat or get out of bed in the mornings. At the time my best friend and my bf were very worried about me, I was worried about me, and I didnt know what to do to snap myself out of it. Then when I met MM it was an instant change. I felt full, I felt like I had a lot to give, I felt like I was powerful and could do anything. I started going out more, meeting people, getting dressed up more, flirting. I found the strength to break up with my bf who I had been unhappy with for a long time. I stopped being afraid of people, and started feeling like my old self again. Even through the times when MM had hurt me, I still felt confident and able to get through life. And now I have to admit it, I am going back to that person I was before. It feels like I have just gone back this huge step. I have tried over the last few days to push through, decide what I want to do with my life, get out there and keep holding on to that confidence but the more I let go of MM the more I lose that drive. I know he was a liar and he was manipulative, and I dont want him in my life anymore. But what the hell is happening to me? I am supposed to be meeting my dad for coffee in ten minutes and I dont want to get out of bed. I dont see the point. I dont see the point of trying to go out and meet new people. I actually cant be bothered. Horrible as it sounds but that is how it feels. I hate it that all that time the new me was not a real person, it was a reaction to something that was not real. I feel so angry with him because he does not even care enough to know what he gave me and what he is now taking away from me. I am angry with myself for letting someone else be the controlling factor to my own self esteem but right now I am not sure how to change it. And why the hell did my self esteem get so high from the attentions of someone else's husband? An older man who I only met in person a few times. Am I screwed up in the head?
missy268 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 It sounds like having your MM in your life, gave you the confidence boost that you needed. Happiness comes from within, not from external sources, which your MM is to you , he was your happiness, he's now gone, so your probably thinking whats the point. There is every point. The person you were becoming when you were with him, was you, just because he is no longer there doesn't mean you can't be who you really are. You need to work out what makes you happy on your own - what drives you to be happy Your not screwed up at all, you just need to figure out who you are, and what you need from life, and stop relying on others for your own happiness. You have suffered a bit of a blow, rejection isn't easy. It will take you time to deal with it - Keep pushing through, you will get there, but it won't be instant Good luck xx
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Depression is chemical, as is the NRE (new relationship energy) you had with MM. Get professional help and be patient, it takes time. Let a MD find a med that will get you back to the normal you.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Then when I met MM it was an instant change. I felt full, I felt like I had a lot to give, I felt like I was powerful and could do anything. MM was your patch, he didn't fix why you were unhappy.. Now is the time to figure out why you were unhappy and fix things so you can be happy and not rely on someone else to make you feel good and positive. Sure he helped revive you, gave you positive energy and love, confidence etc.. You DO have all that inside of you..Just need to find it without relying on him or anybody else to give that to you.
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