BetrayedH Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 OP, I don't mean to be mean. I really don't. I just don't know how you can handle this 7 days a week. You're either babysitting at the house while she's off with the OM or you depart the house so she can bring the OM there. I don't know how it could be any worse than that. Do ANYTHING rather than accept that. 1
Jonah Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I am a sucker for her. Yes. I asked her out on a date Friday night to which to replied with a "yes, but as friends". I tried to charm my way into saying that I would be giving it my all that night. Meanwhile tonight, I AM BABYSITTING while she's out with OM. Clarity comes and goes for me. Deep down, I love her, but deeper again I know I'm just a fool. I will cancel that date on Friday. I'm just a sucker going through a long phase of denial. I loved her so very much. I had been doing my 180 and she hhhaattteedd it. Snooping through my calendar and emails etc (I can see when she does). But gotta keep up with it for my own head. Sorry guys, I go around in circles. I'm sure ,most of you understand. I'll pull out of it soon I hope. Thanks again Yeah been there done exactly that. Ok so you slipped up. Save face by using the "date" to talk about the kids. Good of you to hang with the kids. But if needs be for sanity sake you could take yourself out of the situation for a while. You are single now. It's time to move on. The boomerang may come back your way a couple of years from now and you are all healed up but for now go find yourself a new life. For me, when she finally did boomerang back, I did want to help her and tried. But couldn't. Could you? Ask yourself and the answer will help you. It's a glorious world out there. Go find how to love thyself then go find a woman to love. 1
Jonah Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 I wasn't actually babysitting sorry, it was just my turn with the kids (one of her nights off). But you're right. I'm fine until I see her... that's when I melt Just keep in mind why you are these with your kids. They need you, you are building relationships that will carry on into the future. Those boys will be more and more fun as time goes on. When I was separated, It took a few months but looking back now it was the time of my life! Me and the boys... everyday was a holiday! I used to take them to the park. Used them to bait the single moms. Worked quite well! ;-) Yeah, build yourself a new life. Three kids... how long till this knucklehead lets his ass show from that hardship. Reality and time is on your side man. But ya gotta be one person and be happy about it. Take advantage of this opportunity! Do not "give" anything to try and win her love. She may try to fool you during divorce proceedings. Don't buy it! You will hate yourself if you let her fool you with her charms at a critical legal issue. $$$ Give nothing!
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 20, 2013 Posted January 20, 2013 This is never going to get any better until you put your big pants on and take charge. You need to start respecting you, because you are a person of value and not a POS like she has been treating you. I don't care what she looks like, it is an UGLY person that would do that to you. As an old military guy, you learn when a comrade has been wounded the first thing you have to do is stop the bleeding and you are bleeding profusely. I commend the following. You may have already done some of this to some extent. 1. Contact attorney to protect yourself legally and start divorce proceedings. 2. You need to control the money. Go to the bank and set up an account for you only. Your pay goes to this account. She does not get play money, none. You need a budget and need to know where every nickel is going. Credit cards need to be cancelled get one for you. You are no longer the candy man. 3. You need to start an exercise routine, this will help relieve stress and make you healthier. You are not trying to be OM, you are trying to be a better you regardless of what she does one way or the other. 4. You need a schedule for your time, her time with the children. On your children time you need to not just babysit, but plan events for you and the kids. 5. You need to renew an old hobby or explore something from your bucket list. This will move your efforts off of your despair on to something productive. This will also allow you to meet people and make you a more interesting individual. 6. Until the affair ends, there isn't anything for you to discuss except children, finances, legal issues. Your conversations to her need to be frank, to the point and void of emotion. She is going to rage on you, but you need to control emotion in your conversations. You should not be mean or vindictive, but no emotion. 7. If you have not exposed already, expose. Do not assume that OMW knows, make sure she knows. When you expose do not whine, cry or malign here. You are just like SGT Joe Friday, give them the facts, they are going to come to their own conclusions anyway. I can not tell you that any of this will bring your wife back, but then she is gone mentally now anyway. However, it will help you to restore your self respect. Additionally, the affair only exists in the fantasy world, it is not real. He is Mr Wonderful, but he has no responsibility in their relationship. He is not responsible for home maintenance, helping with the kids, paying the bills. When you are no longer an option and she turns to him for things other than fun, he will not be there. He has his own family, he does not need additional problems, she will find she is nothing more than a booty call to him. When she gets needy he will move on to the next flavor of the month and she will be left in the lurch. He sounds like a dog me, not a keeper. If the legal proceeds and other consequences of 1-7 above get he to see the light and she comes clean, then through counselling you may be able to save the relationship. If it does not then, you need to move on with life. I feel pretty sure in time this will be something she learns to regret, I just hope it is sooner rather than later. Best wishes to you and your family.
Confused3232 Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 LD - I am sitting in the exact same boat as you are, except I have just begun to put my big girl pants on and move ahead with my life. My WH cheated on me when I was pregnant with our twins, I found out two weeks after I got home with our premie babies. I did the same thing as you, tried to love him back, begged for him to work on our marriage with me. I did expose which put him on his ass for awhile, but then I made the mistake of feeling sorry for him again. I wasted so much time (it has been 5) months since d-day. I wish I would have booted his butt and filed day one, but I was scared as hell due to being a new mommy with twins. I can say that if I would have taken that route, I believe we would be in a better place now or at least I would be. So now I am moving on for me, I don't care where he lands. He is moving out to an apartment this weekend, I have called my attorney to file, I have started to look for another house to make a fresh start with my baby girls, I am limiting our conversation, I am making him pay child support starting now, I am giving him a schedule as to when he can see our girls, and most importantly, I am getting back to the confident woman I know I am. And if you really want to make your marriage work or at least be able to wake up and enjoy the day, you will do the same starting now. Question for others - does doing another exposure pay off? There was an initial exposure to bring the affair into the light of day and then he said he broke it off to everyone...which I later found out he didn't. Does it pay to let them know he is a liar and the affair is ongoing?
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